Our future has suddenly changed

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Angela007, Jun 25, 2019.

  1. Angela007

    Angela007 New member

    Jun 24, 2019
    My husband is 54 and we are waiting on an appointment with the neurologist as our doctor dropped the bombshell that he believes my husband has early onset dementia or something simillar. He has been having episodes of severe confusion even phoning me as he has no idea where he is when at work.
    I am 48 and we have daughters of 21 and 14. We both work and have a mortgage and supporting my daughter through uni !!! I am at my wits end with worry and sadness at the full situation to the point that I have been off work for over a week as I have just fell apart (pathetic i know) I just can't get my head around it.
    Any advice greatly appreciated x
  2. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    hello @Angela007
    a warm welcome to DTP
    it's not an easy time, knowing something is wrong, seeking an explanation but being faced with a probable diagnosis that is just so unexpected
    I'm glad you found this supportive community as you will be able to come here to share experiences and have others who understand offer sympathy and suggestions

    right now, I'd say take time to breathe and allow thoughts and information to settle ... if the doctor is right, little will change immediately; you will have a diagnosis and time to begin to organise your affairs, and folk here can help you with all of that

    so now you've found us, keep posting with anything that's on your mind ... you've found a safe place to offload
  3. Rach1985

    Rach1985 Registered User

    Jun 9, 2019
    Don’t feel pathetic that is the last feeling you should have about yourself. You’ll get loads of advice here and support too
    Don’t be hard on yourself
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Please don`t feel pathetic @Angela007 The thought of a diagnosis of this sort at such a young age is enough to make anyone feel threatened.

    It`s bad enough for those of us at retirement age but for those of you with employment, dependent children and financial responsibilities it is a devastating blow.

    However, if the worst comes to the worst, please give yourself time to adjust if you can and make sure you ask for whatever available help is there for you.
  5. Banjomansmate

    Banjomansmate Registered User

    Jan 13, 2019
    Maybe you have insurance cover for the mortgage? Check it out.
  6. lis66

    lis66 Registered User

    Aug 7, 2015
    Hi Angela 007 you are definitely not pathetic ,this is a very worrying time for you,please keep posting on TP you will receive lots of support and advice on here thinking if you xxx
  7. PalSal

    PalSal Registered User

    @Angela007 I agree with Granny G. Don't panic yet. But I personally found that knowing what one is dealing with gives one clarification and the ability to "look the situation in eye". I am so glad you are here.Talking Point has helped me immensely with the practical approaches to our situation. When my husband was 49 he got Alzheimer's it was horrible, Our youngest son was 11. It was somehow a relief to learn it was a disease and not because he did love me and our beautiful family, or that he was having a mid life crisis. Before his diagnosis I had no idea what was happening to him and to us. Once he was diagnosed I got into the what can we do and how will this work out. We have now been living with the disease for 17 years. He has had the joy of seeing all four children educated, Two married and 6 grandchildren. Take it day by day Angela. Hoping the best for you and your family. There are lots of folks here with good advice who know of what they speak.
  8. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    Good morning and welcome to Dementia Talking Point @Angela007. I'm so sorry to read about your situation but I'm glad you've found this forum. You'll see already that this is a place where people understand and I hope that makes you feel less alone.

    I wondered if you would find this fact sheet useful -


    You might also find it useful to talk through oracticalities with someone on the helpline. The details are as follows -

    National Dementia Helpline
    0300 222 11 22
    Helpline opening hours:
    Monday to Wednesday 9am – 8pm
    Thursday and Friday 9am – 5pm
    Saturday and Sunday 10am – 4pm

    Please keep posting. I'm sure you'll find lots of help and support here.
  9. Hellyg

    Hellyg Registered User

    Nov 18, 2014
    Hi Anglea

    I can completely understand. My husband was diagnosed at 55 (now coming up to 60). I am 43 and work full time. I likewise struggled to get my head around it, keep sharing on here or if you either want to message me feel free. I think go easy on yourself and don’t beat yourself up for struggling, it’s understable to fall apart, but I guarantee you will pick yourself up. The hardest part for me was that I was really upset but husband had no clue, he had no concept about what it meant. H xx

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