1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. wightdancer

    wightdancer Registered User

    Mar 15, 2017
    34
    It is impossible to cope with an agitated, delusional partner, it will make you ill. Two years ago my wife suddenly became extremely angry at certain times of the day blaming and accusing me of all sorts of things. Our doctor prescribed Sertraline tablets and they have been very successful. My dear wife is now calm and happy and although she is slowly losing all reality as her journey progresses at least we can sit quietly holding hands in peace.
     
  2. dogdayafternoon

    dogdayafternoon Registered User

    Dec 30, 2017
    56
    Thanks for the kind replies, my problem is she does not trust doctors and refuses to take any tests or scans.
    She has been very angry in the mornings finally mid afternoon i can get her to go out but yesterday was different she was happy in the morning, accepted breakfast and lunch, we went out ending up in the suoermarket where we bought food for dinner which she ate and went to bed happy.
    Today she awoke angry which she kept up until 1:30pm when she agreed to some lunch but when we went out she was silent just one word answers at about 6pm I asked what she wanted for dinner, she got very angry ( I suspect she can not remember what she likes) I drove closer to home and bought some food I know she likes, when i returned to the car she was in a better mood.
    Went in and cooked dinner which she enjoyed and she remained happy until going to bed.
    The main problem is this tale she keeps telling of people in the house trying to steal her jewelry and that I organised them to get her to leave.
    I actually said to her tonight it was an hallucination a symptom of dementia, I thought she would get very angry but I think she did not understand so it just passed.
     
  3. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,532
    Female
    South coast
    You are probably right that she cant remember what she likes. Try either not asking and just do something, or if you feel that you have to give her a choice, ask her whether she would like xxx or yyyy - naming two things that you know she likes.

    The delusion that people are stealing things is so tiresome...........
     
  4. dogdayafternoon

    dogdayafternoon Registered User

    Dec 30, 2017
    56
    thanks for that canary but I tried that before with no good result, we have had a strange day today, she accepted breakfast but then got in a bad mood. I arranged a phiso for her tomorrow for her bad leg and she was happy, we went out but it was raining and she got depressed, went to the sea side then to the market town she likes but still raining, I then suggested the mall and she agreed and on the way she cheered up. there was a sale in M&S and we walked round, she picked a skirt and a top which i carried but when we turned round she looked at them as if never seen before and asked me to hold them up against her. Three months ago this would not have happened so she has deteriorated.
    She bought some food in M&S and another plant, we are running out of space to place them, she also picked up three bottles of orange at £1.60 a bottle (I usually get her the ones from Morrisons at £1.50 for four) we went for a coffee and she asked to get orange juice, I said we got some and She said when? Lucky I had put two of them back before buying.
    We can not carry on buying food like this, she has a small pension that she calls her wages but does not contribute any to our bills, on occasion she will say "I am buying this " but usually does not pay.
    All my pension goes on the bills so I have just enough to buy a newspaper and she sits all day in the house and in the car counting ten pound notes then picking them up and starting again but she does not know how much she has, she says it calms her, anyone else had this? If I leave the car and come back she gets upset that she has to stop counting
    At a guess she has about £400 to £500 in her handbag
     
  5. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,532
    Female
    South coast
    If she cant even cope with a choice between two things, then I think that you will have to make the decision for her and dont even ask.

    It sounds to me like your mum is losing the understanding about money, although she still remembers that money is important, she cannot remember the nuts and bolts about how it all works and I think that very soon you are going to have to start taking that over too. I suspect that its the constant counting and sorting that she finds soothing. My mum loved sorting buttons and one of the members on here found her husband loved sorting a pack of cards. I remember the hundreds of pounds in the handbag stage - Im guessing that fairly soon you will be able to substitute fake money for the real stuff so that it doesnt get lost.
     

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