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together

Registered User
May 25, 2010
483
Derbyshire
4 years since I lost mum with dementia and sadly looking for help now for Dad. His memory has been deteriorating gradually but yesterday hit major problems. None of us live locally to him I'm afraid but have daily contact. At 4pm he told me he was just dressing and having breakfast. At 8pm told me it's now dark in the morning. Am about to go over now but what's my best option? Should I arrange a GP visit to assess and should I push for any drugs? The GP refused to use any drugs with Mum and after an appalling hospital stay she was then admitted to a home where she survived 3 weeks. Feeling scared.
 

tinap

Registered User
Nov 2, 2014
41
west midlands
I would certainly contact GP it could be a uti or other infection making things worse or it may not but I would get GP to check and assess.
 

PeggySmith

Registered User
Apr 16, 2012
1,683
BANES
So awful for you, but your Dad's illness isn't likely to follow the same pattern as your Mum's. I'd certainly get him checked over for infection which, as we all know, can cause horrendous chaos and deterioration.
You say your Mum's GP refused drugs for your Mum - do you mean all and any drugs for anything or specific dementia drugs? Once your Dad has a proper diagnosis, if he has Alzheimer's there are some drugs which might hold it off for a bit, but if he has Vascular Dementia (like my MIL) there aren't any effective drugs at all.
Good luck to you at this very hard time and try to be nice to yourself:)
 

together

Registered User
May 25, 2010
483
Derbyshire
Thank you. He refused totally to see Dr but his legs/feet have swollen so much he had no choice. As he's hard of hearing my brother managed to tell the dr about Saturday and his memory loss since. He has no recollection of anything from the weekend. Did urine test but no infection. He's arranged blood tests, chest x ray scan for other problems but not sure where we stand regarding coping with the memory loss now. Brother staying til thurs but we're struggling to cover after that. Trying to put 3x1hr carer visits per day in place but not sure if that will be enough for him to cope. Tonight he didn't know to take plastic bag off his usual frozen meal before putting in oven. Am heartbroken that this is starting after such a battle with Mum previously. As you say every one is different - feel very much in the unknown.
 

together

Registered User
May 25, 2010
483
Derbyshire
Couldn't get him there for chest x Ray. Looking for week respite care in home asap but am afraid he'll never come out. Finding one is so hard as I chose mums which I still believe was the cause of her death. Have never felt so guilty -. Can't believe this nightmare is happening. Send me strength x
 

Jessbow

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
3,028
West Hertfordshire
Lots of strength coming your way, its hard, but even harder when its a girl and her Dad in this situation. ((Hug))

Get your head round the fact that its appositive step- a weeks respite, away from caring for himself, food put in front of him, company etc etc, and he may well improve.

Try and make it a *Holiday for him* in your mind, a bit of TLC for a week, then see.

His path may very well be different to your Mums.

One step at a time., get looking and see where has space ( respite places can be hard to find) grit your teeth and do what you know I in his best interests. You have no need to feel guilty at all.


xx
 

sistermillicent

Registered User
Jan 30, 2009
2,949
I am so very sorry you are facing more difficult times. I am not sure how far you live from him, is it possible to have him in a care home really near to you? They are not all bad, I know you had a dreadful experience with your mum but there are good places.

My friend's mum was like this quite out of the blue last year and it turned out to be desperately low sodium levels, she is back to her normal self now. Don't give up hope.
xx
 

together

Registered User
May 25, 2010
483
Derbyshire
Thank you - he's deteriorated again and is now being admitted into hospital. Took the plunge though and have visited a home fairly close to me today- one of the hardest things I've done, walking into a care home again. See what the next few days bring - no idea as alongside the dementia there's now swelling of feet and legs, inability to walk and as of today bruising covering chest and shoulders. Counting down the hours to the weekend and I can get over to see him - never known such a long week. Exhausted.
 

Anotherdamnlol

Registered User
May 2, 2015
23
He has probably got underlying dementia but now exacerbated by some infection. Hospital is best place, make sure the hospital social worker and psychiatrist visit him.
 

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