I am struggling with this and I would love to get other people's input. I am tring to decide whether to take my children (20 and 17) to see their Grandmother. As you can see, they're not little. Here are my problems, in no particular order. 1) We live in the USA, so we're talking major expense. 2) Because of 1) when I visit I normally like to stay a couple of weeks, otherwise it doesn't seem worth it, but I don't think any of us (children, Mother or I) could stand that. 3) If I take them all that way, I'd like them to have some fun, but taking my Mother around precludes a lot of that. 4) How distressing will it be for all concerned? My children know about my Mother's mental state, but knowing and seeing are 2 different things. Will my Mother find the concept of having adult grandchildren to hard to handle? She's 89, will it simply be too tiring?
I keep thinking that if I don't take them, it may be that they'll never see their Grandmother again, but then I think, maybe that would be better, because then they could remember her as she was. There is no denying that I find her behaviour irritating at times, so how will they find it.
In an ideal world, we would go for a couple of weeks, spend a few days with her and then go to London. Unfortunately/fortunately she's sufficiently aware that she would be very upset if I told her I was visiting for a few days, but then going off.
I haven't actually discussed this my children yet. I had considered taking them one at a time, although if I take either of them, we're talking about hotels which add to the expense (when I go on my own, I stay with her).
Another alternative is that we go and rent a cottage, or something for a week, take Mummy with us and then when that's done, the children and I will go to London. Problem is, strange surroundings and a dementia sufferer are not a great combination.
I suppose my main problem is, if I'm in the UK, I'm going to feel even guiltier than usual if I'm not with my Mother. I could, I suppose, fly over on my own, spend a week or so with my Mother, then the kids could fly over, they could spend a couple of days "visiting" and then we'd go and do what they want to do, maybe coming back for a couple of days before we all fly home.
Any input? My heads spinning.
Jennifer
I keep thinking that if I don't take them, it may be that they'll never see their Grandmother again, but then I think, maybe that would be better, because then they could remember her as she was. There is no denying that I find her behaviour irritating at times, so how will they find it.
In an ideal world, we would go for a couple of weeks, spend a few days with her and then go to London. Unfortunately/fortunately she's sufficiently aware that she would be very upset if I told her I was visiting for a few days, but then going off.
I haven't actually discussed this my children yet. I had considered taking them one at a time, although if I take either of them, we're talking about hotels which add to the expense (when I go on my own, I stay with her).
Another alternative is that we go and rent a cottage, or something for a week, take Mummy with us and then when that's done, the children and I will go to London. Problem is, strange surroundings and a dementia sufferer are not a great combination.
I suppose my main problem is, if I'm in the UK, I'm going to feel even guiltier than usual if I'm not with my Mother. I could, I suppose, fly over on my own, spend a week or so with my Mother, then the kids could fly over, they could spend a couple of days "visiting" and then we'd go and do what they want to do, maybe coming back for a couple of days before we all fly home.
Any input? My heads spinning.
Jennifer