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only 51

cathy d

Registered User
Dec 28, 2006
1
bodmin cornwall
my husband is 51 we married in september after being together for 15 years

for the last 12 months i have noticed so many changes in him memory loss going out to the supermarket for milk & coming home 3 hours later not really sure where he has been leaving our 9 year old daughter alone because he forgot she was home
he can no longer cope with family get togethers he gets paranoid if i go out anywhere and treats me as a combination of his mum or his teacher but no longer his wife
we went to the doctors 12 months ago they diagnosed depression & put him on anti depressants they had no effect
we went back to the doctors i made a diary of the strange things he has been doing
we were reffered to a physhiactrist who is sending him for tests but they feel he has alzheimers
i suppose if i tell the truth this does not suprise me but 51
please tell me what is in store for him & for us as a family our daughter is only 10 very young to cope with this if there is anyone there who could help us to cope we would love to hear from you:confused: :confused:
 

Amy

Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
3,453
Hiya Cathy and welcome to TP. This must be a very difficult time for you, but you have come to the right place. Many of our members are living with and caring for someone who has early onset dementia - some are in your position with young children.
TP is both an excellent source of information and mutual support - and I am sure that others will soon be able to offer you some ideas.
Love Helen
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,638
Kent
Hi Cathy, My husband is 74, much older than yours, so I can`t do anything other than say how sorry I am for both you and your daughter.
Let`s hope some of his disturbance is due to depression, rather than Alzheimers. But if the worst comes to be, I know you will get lots of support from TP.
Take care. Sylvia
 

nicetotalk

Registered User
Sep 22, 2006
155
stretford
Hi cathy

so sorry for how you must be feeling at the moment, i know it is easy for someone else to say dont worry for now but i would wait until you find out just what the problem is. If it is alzheimers my heart does go out to you, my mum was 54 when she was diagnozed. TP is a great place to visit you can put any of your worries or concerns down and people will reply back and help you best they can. Famous words* take one day at a time* for now that is all you can do. Please keep us posted on your outcome.

take care
kathyx
 

bel

Registered User
Apr 26, 2006
757
coventry
helping you to cope

dear cathy d
how i feel for you my hubby is 60 he has been struggling for a number of years i find tp a good help and support
sending love bel x
 

twink

Registered User
Oct 28, 2005
265
67
Cambridgeshire UK
Me too Cathy,

I rarely post but come on the site many times a day. My husband is 56 and was diagnosed in August 2005 and had been having problems for maybe 3 or more years before that. I just knew what the problem was. Steve is on an assessment unit, has been there since September. The psychiatrist says he won't ever come home and he's waiting to go into a home. I am waiting to see if they will fund him, the next panel meeting is 3rd January so fingers crossed. He was diagnosed in the August and apart from being forgetful he wasn't too bad, he drove me 160 miles to Yorkshire in July this year and suddenly in August he had a turn for the worst and got agitated and very upset and was in the hospital within a month but, as everyone will tell you, everyone with AD is different.

Best wishes to you.

Sue
 

crums

Registered User
May 22, 2004
12
shipley
hiya cathy welcome to tp not often i post. My husband was 52 when diagnosed and are sons where 13 so i do understand how you must be feeling. My husband is now 57 and unfortunalty he went in to care in july of this year. Take every day as a new day and enjoy it the best you can.everyone with AD is different as you will find out but there is support here for you so keep posting love clare
 

MrsP

Registered User
Mar 19, 2005
115
Dear Cathy

My Dad was also 51 when diagnosed and, as you said, it didn't really come as a surprise but still a terrible blow never the less. Fortunately for me, I was already 25- I can't imagine being younger.

If it does turn out to be Alzheimers, I'm afraid that no one can tell you exactly what is in store as with everything the disease progresses differently in everyone. My first thought was that Dad would forget me- that's still my biggest fear but it's been 2 and a half years since his diagnosis and althought things are not easy for him, he still knows who we all are, lives by himself (with some care), and manages on a daily basis. He is a shadow of the man he used to be, and of course that is upsetting for all concerned, as it is frustrating that he can no longer work and keep himself occupied. But on his good days we can still have a good laugh and he enjoys the company of his family.

Some people progress quickly, some slowly, some respond to medication and others don't............... as others have said, take each day as it comes and don't think too far ahead. Your daughter may surprise you by coping very well- I know my daughter is fantastic with Dad- she knows he is 'ill' and acts a bit strange, but she can just see Grandad, end of story.

I hope you find some comfort from posting here, take care.

Kate x.
 

AMI2YOUNG

Registered User
Nov 29, 2006
3
KENT
My 1st Time On Site

:) Hi ,
I Hope I Get This Right, So Appologies As Its My First Time On The Site & Havent Found My Way Around Yet.
I Have Spent A Little Time Reading Several Other Quotes And Comments From Other Sufferers & Carers And Hope I May Give & Recieve Some Support.i Think It Is So Useful To See That We Are Not Alone In This Confusing World.
I Am 48 & Have Recently Had Eeg & Mmse Tests At Kings Hospital & Also Mri Scan Which I Have Not Yet Had Results From.
My Gp Sent Me To A Neurologist As I Was Suffering From Memory Losses, Had 3 Minor Car Accidents Recently - Although Ive Been Driving Nearly 30 Years, And Lots Of Other Symptoms. I Was Shocked To See The Words Possible Early Alzheimers On The Diagnosis. I Thought It May Be Age Or Stress But It Appears Not To Be.
It Seems Far More Common For Younger People To Be Suffering From These Symptoms - I Find It Very Hard To Tell People That Although I Look Young For My Age That Im Having Problems. 2 Out Of Three Sons Are Very Good But I Find My Youngest (18) Is In Total Denial & Even Suggests Im Putting It On !
I Dont Know What The Outcome Of My Own Tests Are But I No Longer Feel Alone With The Help Of This Site. Thankyou
 

Brucie

Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
12,413
near London
Hi AMI2YOUNG

sorry you have needed to find TP, but also glad that you have, because I'm sure that members here will be able to help, if only in lending an ear to your fears.

My wife showed her first symptoms at age 50, so I can really empathise.

One thing we found all along that was a help was to keep a diary, in which we [mostly I, in fact] recorded anything and everything that we thought might help doctors in their diagnosis and treatment.

So, head pains, faints, losing temper at someone, feeling 'numb', not wanting food, spilling things, feeling scared, withdrawing, etc .... anything, we would record on the day it happened.

16 years on, I still keep the diary.

If nothing else, it is something to focus on to believe we are doing something towards helping in some way.

What sort of memory losses have you had?

Best wishes
 

AMI2YOUNG

Registered User
Nov 29, 2006
3
KENT
Thankyou Bruce

Brucie said:
Hi AMI2YOUNG

sorry you have needed to find TP, but also glad that you have, because I'm sure that members here will be able to help, if only in lending an ear to your fears.

My wife showed her first symptoms at age 50, so I can really empathise.

One thing we found all along that was a help was to keep a diary, in which we [mostly I, in fact] recorded anything and everything that we thought might help doctors in their diagnosis and treatment.

So, head pains, faints, losing temper at someone, feeling 'numb', not wanting food, spilling things, feeling scared, withdrawing, etc .... anything, we would record on the day it happened.

16 years on, I still keep the diary.

If nothing else, it is something to focus on to believe we are doing something towards helping in some way.

What sort of memory losses have you had?

Best wishes[/Q
GOOD MORNING BRUCE
THANKYOU SO MUCH FOR THE REPLY, & THE VERY USEFUL TIP RE: DIARY KEEPING. I THOUGHT THAT I WOULD START TODAY,AS EVERY DAY BRINGS A DIFFERENT MOOD, THOUGHT OR SOMETIMES A PROBLEM.
I FIRST FOUND THAT I WAS SEARCHING FOR THE RIGHT WORD ALTHOUGH I AM EDUCATED TO A REASONABLE STANDARD, FINDING THAT I WENT THROUGH A SORT OF MENTAL CHECK LIST BEFORE ANSWERING A QUESTION. I FELT PEOPLE WOULD THINK I WAS BEING INSINCERE OR EVEN LYING AS I HAD TO THINK OF THE ANSWER CAREFULLY.MY PARTNER (AT THE TIME) USED TO SAY WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING TODAY ? BUT I WOULD EITHER NOT REALLY KNOW WHY HE WAS ASKING & SOMETIMES SEEING IT AS CHECKING UP ON ME.
MY OTHER PROBLEM WAS REMEMBERING ROBS NAME, I HAD TO THINK OF THE LETTER R & GO FROM THERE !IT WAS VERY UPSETTING ALTHOUGH I DIDNT TELL HIM AT THE TIME
WE ACTUALLY PARTED 2 WEEKS AGO & ARE LIVING IN SEPARATE HOUSES, ( DUE TO FAMILY DISPUTES) SO IT HAS ADDED TO MY STRESS

ALSO SOME OF MY PAST MEMORIES WITH THE CHILDREN IS AS CLEAR AS DAY , SOME MORE RECENT THINGS I EITHER GET MUDDLED ABOUT OR ARE JUST COMPLETELY BLANK
I HAVE TO WRITE LISTS FOR EVERY THING & SEEM VERY TIME AWARE & CONSTANTLY CLOCK WATCH. IVE NOW GONE PART TIME BUT AM FINDING IT HAS NOT REALLY HELPED .
I COULD GO ON FOR AGES, ONCE I START I WILL KEEP TYPING SO I WONT TRY TOO HARD TODAY

ANYWAY BRUCE ,THANKS AGAIN FOR THE REPLY,

KIND REGARDS

D X
 

Brucie

Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
12,413
near London
Hello AMI2YOUNG,

First thing to be aware of is that the symptoms you have written apply not only to dementia.

They can apply to depression, to being diverted by something over a period of time, to lacking in confidence, etc. And of course if all these come together, the same happens.
I FIRST FOUND THAT I WAS SEARCHING FOR THE RIGHT WORD
This happens to me all the time! How often have I thought of something to say that contains a certain word, then on saying it, find I just can't remember the word? Loads of times. I've never been good with words or names. Sometimes it is like that, and it has nothing at all to do with educational level, or intelligence.

Also, memory works on a principle of refreshing, revisiting. If you don't use words, or relive memories, then they get shuffled away until a strong pull brings you back to them. When we are young, we train our brains to remember things. When we get older we kind of think that the brain does these things automatically. Not so, the more we revisit vocabulary, memories, etc, the better will be our recall.
FINDING THAT I WENT THROUGH A SORT OF MENTAL CHECK LIST BEFORE ANSWERING A QUESTION
this can be an issue of confidence, and the worse ones confidence gets, the more difficult it becomes. Lack of confidence feeds on itself.
WE ACTUALLY PARTED 2 WEEKS AGO & ARE LIVING IN SEPARATE HOUSES, ( DUE TO FAMILY DISPUTES) SO IT HAS ADDED TO MY STRESS
these things don't just happen and you may have been subconsciously worrying for ages now. That leads to lack of concentration, confidence, depression, etc.
SOME MORE RECENT THINGS I EITHER GET MUDDLED ABOUT OR ARE JUST COMPLETELY BLANK
when you are depressed or not concentrating, days just merge into one another. Events are the same.
I HAVE TO WRITE LISTS FOR EVERY THING & SEEM VERY TIME AWARE & CONSTANTLY CLOCK WATCH
me too.

I am in a permanent state of preoccupation because of my wife's dementia [and we're 15+ years into that!] and memory, concentration etc are all terrible. I find I can no longer multi-task and concentrate on one thing at a time to get it done. this was behaviour learned when looking after my wife at home when I had to forget about everything but her welfare. Such things learned are impossible to drop when you are past a certain stage of life!

So, don't necessarily think you have dementia! The doctors should explore tons more things - dementia is normally the LAST thing, when everything else has been ruled out.

Best wishes
 

Grommit

Registered User
Apr 26, 2006
2,127
Doncaster
I read your experiences with a great deal of interest especially the paragraph relating to your own preoccupation with being a carer and losing multi tasking abilities.

I am beginning to recognise this trait in myself after only 4 years of looking after my wife and was on the brink of wondering whether it is to be expected or whether it was avoidable.

I think the most annoying thing I find is that I used to be able to recognise voices on the telephone and immediatley put a name to the voice but that abilty has now gone, Even my own family have to introduce themselves nowadays before I can recognise them.

It's as if the AD is totally taking control of both our lives.

To counteract this I am trying to put aside the caring role for one hour per day and do things which are not connected to caring. It is not easy to do this, as my wifes AD is like the sword of Damocles over my head and so far I have not had any positive results, but I shall continue trying.

Did you try this sort of thing yourself?
 

AMI2YOUNG

Registered User
Nov 29, 2006
3
KENT
Thanks

Brucie said:
Hello AMI2YOUNG,

First thing to be aware of is that the symptoms you have written apply not only to dementia.

They can apply to depression, to being diverted by something over a period of time, to lacking in confidence, etc. And of course if all these come together, the same happens. This happens to me all the time! How often have I thought of something to say that contains a certain word, then on saying it, find I just can't remember the word? Loads of times. I've never been good with words or names. Sometimes it is like that, and it has nothing at all to do with educational level, or intelligence.

Also, memory works on a principle of refreshing, revisiting. If you don't use words, or relive memories, then they get shuffled away until a strong pull brings you back to them. When we are young, we train our brains to remember things. When we get older we kind of think that the brain does these things automatically. Not so, the more we revisit vocabulary, memories, etc, the better will be our recall. this can be an issue of confidence, and the worse ones confidence gets, the more difficult it becomes. Lack of confidence feeds on itself. these things don't just happen and you may have been subconsciously worrying for ages now. That leads to lack of concentration, confidence, depression, etc. when you are depressed or not concentrating, days just merge into one another. Events are the same. me too.

I am in a permanent state of preoccupation because of my wife's dementia [and we're 15+ years into that!] and memory, concentration etc are all terrible. I find I can no longer multi-task and concentrate on one thing at a time to get it done. this was behaviour learned when looking after my wife at home when I had to forget about everything but her welfare. Such things learned are impossible to drop when you are past a certain stage of life!

So, don't necessarily think you have dementia! The doctors should explore tons more things - dementia is normally the LAST thing, when everything else has been ruled out.

Best wishes
THANKS FOR THE REPLY BUT UNFORTUNATELY MY MMSE REPORT SHOWS ABSOLUTELY NO SIGNS OF DEPRESSION & THE CONSULTANT SAID THAT MY MOOD WAS NOT AN ISSUE IN THIS CASE.
I DID SUFFER DEPRESSION IN MY EARLIER YEARS & BOTH MY GP & CONSULTANT AGREE THIS IS NOT THE CASE THIS TIME
SO I WILL HAVE TO WAIT & SEE WHAT THE RESULTS SHOW FROM THE OTHER TESTS

REGARDS
D
OBVIOUSLY I HAVE BEEN QUITE BRIEF WITH SOME SYMPTOMS & MORE FORTHCOMING WITH OTHERS
 

Brucie

Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
12,413
near London
Grommit said:
I used to be able to recognise voices on the telephone and immediatley put a name to the voice but that abilty has now gone
Yep, got that one too, but it is not helped by everyone ringing and saying "hello, it's me" without introducing themselves.

I think this is partly as a result of people tending to take the same accent and tone these days, making it more difficult to discriminate.

... at least that's what I tell myself....
AMI2YOUNG said:
...SHOWS ABSOLUTELY NO SIGNS OF DEPRESSION...
Okay, you have a GP and Consultant who are on the case and further test results to await.

Good luck!
 

willowsue

Registered User
Jan 26, 2007
5
Aberdeenshire
Only 51 reply

I can really sympathise with you my mum is now 62 and has had multi infarct dementia for 12 years. I can remember the devastation we felt when she got the diagnosis after months of trying to figure out what could be wrong with her. She would go to the shops and forget what she'd gone for and eventually it got to the stage where she couldn't go the shops alone because she didn't know what to do to pay for goods and she couldn't remember if she'd paid or not and would get in a panic - we worried in case someone thought she was shoplifting although it was her memory beginning to go. She lost the dog on countless occasions she would take him out then forget what she was doing or where she was going and eventually someone would phone to say she'd done it again or would bring the dog home.
We got a great deal of help and advice from Alzheimers Scotland and over the years their friendship and support has been a great comfort to us and mum made many new friends and had many happy times at the local day care centre where the carers catered for their every need and stimulated minds by organizing activities and entertainment. They also told us about all the benefits mum was entitled to(Severe Disablement Allowance and Disability Living Allowance and my dad got a Carer's Allowance for looking after her) and they have helped us to deal with the progressive nature of the illness.
We have had twelve relatively good years with the illness progressing slowly but sadly mum has deteriorated a lot in the last six months and she has entered the final stages of the disease now and it is very difficult to watch her diappearing more and more each day. Dad had to put her into a nursing home in October as she now cannot walk at all and is completely incontinent and this was a very upsetting decision to have to make but it had reached the stage where there was no alternative. In November she began to have problems with eating and swallowing and then in December she was taken into hospital with a chest infection which turned into pneumonia. The swallowing and eating got worse and worse and she had to have an operation to have a peg inserted to feed her directly into her stomach because eating is too dangerous for her now. After six weeks in hospital she is finally getting out tomorrow and we are so glad we can have a little bit longer with her.

Count each good day as a blessing and take it one day at a time. It is hard knowing that things can never get better and there is no miracle cure but enjoy what time you have together and remember laughter is sometimes the best medicine. I have many precious memories and I love my mum just as much today despite the fact that I'm now more like her mum than she is mine.
 

connie

Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
9,519
Frinton-on-Sea
Just cannot believe I missed the first post on this thread.

Just wanted to say how I emphasise with all of you. Lionel was just 60, and still working, when diagnosed. This was after many years of trying to get a diagnosis.

I am sure that is a familiar picture to most of you. What is important is today. Today is tomorrows memories, and this is what we ned to hang on too.

(Sorry, bad day today for me, but it is all part of the main picture)

We do not have the luxury of 'quality' time, all time is luxury,
 

bel

Registered User
Apr 26, 2006
757
coventry
only 60 when diagnosed

dear connie
i know where you were at
hubby was poorly at least 15 years ago did not know what was the main problem
ADD etc etc even till today sold house caravan been through hellhe can not work any more and still He is ok ---i feel so angry
it would be good if some one could come and spend just 24 hours with my hubby
love bel x
 

icare2

Registered User
Jun 18, 2006
84
scotland
Hi Cathy,you will need all the help you can get,and having to cope with this at so early in your lives,how dreadful my wife Jane was only 55 when diagnosed,we struggled on without any help,but please do not even consider doing what we did,listen and learn from my own mistakes here is a list of what I know now what we should have done..

(1) get P.O.A.(Power of Attourney) go to the FACTSHEETS ON THIS SITE ON THE VERY TOP LET HAND SIDE OF THIS PAGE.ALSO TELEPHONE THE ALZHEIMERS HELPLINE FOR YOUR NEAREST ADVACOCY DEPARTMENT ALL OF THIS IS FREE AT NO COST,P.O.A IS VERY IMPORTANT AT THE EARLIEST STAGE OF DEMANTIA

(2) GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR LOCAL SOCIAL WORK DEPARTMENT,AND ASK FOR A SOCIAL WORKER THAT HAS HAD EXPERIENCE ON EARLY ONSET DEMANTIA,AS YOU NEED A SOCIAL WORKER BEFORE YOU WILL GET ANY SERVICES AVAILABLE IN YOUR AREA..

hope this helps..
ALL VERY BEST WISHES..
 

zed

Registered User
Jul 25, 2005
76
London
to AMI2YOUNG

Dear Ami2young

I would recommend calling the Alzheimer's Society helpline on 0845 300 0336.

They can send you lots of information on living with dementia, including a great book called the Memory Handbook which gives lots of tips of coping with the symptoms.

They can also tell you if your local Alzheimer's Society runs a support group for people in your situation.