online app to control communication

Jilly Bean

Registered User
Dec 4, 2012
15
Cramlington
Happy New Year

I just wondered if anyone could recommend any online planners or accounts with regards to when my sibling and myself visit Mum who has Vascular Dementia. Sadly my sibling and myself do not speak directly and have to communicate online. We used to use e-mails which were sent to my brother and he would pass messages on between us but after several years, my brother no longer wishes to continue to do this so we are currently using google calendar to communicate between ourselves.


We do not use direct e-mail our self as e-mails have over the years have become too aggressive and sadly the messages on the planner are becoming that way as well when it is only supposed to be used for when we visit Mum between us as well as providing updates relating to Mum. However, as I say the messages are now becoming quite abusive again and for years dealing with the bullying messages are impacting on my wellbeing and I would rather not have any communication with her at all but sadly I have to with regards to having updates on Mum



Are there any communicate tools for carers that you are aware of at all that may assist in this situation, ideally I would like to be able to restrict or monitor the incoming messages.


With thanks very much I appreciate any advice on this
 

nitram

Registered User
Apr 6, 2011
19,691
North Manchester
If I have understood correctly your requirement you are looking for a messaging system that filters out everything that is not 'providing updates relating to Mum'.

I don't think you will find one unless you can limit 'providing updates relating to Mum' to 'tick box' instead of freeform text.
 

Jilly Bean

Registered User
Dec 4, 2012
15
Cramlington
If I have understood correctly your requirement you are looking for a messaging system that filters out everything that is not 'providing updates relating to Mum'.

I don't think you will find one unless you can limit 'providing updates relating to Mum' to 'tick box' instead of freeform text.
Thanks for your response yes that is what I require but understand this is likely to be impossible to block. Thanks anyway
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,358
Kent
Hello @Jilly Bean

Why is there a need to share updates about your mum with a sibling you don`t speak to. Wouldn`t it be best for you both to find your own paths around your mum and avoid so much unpleasantness?
 

Demi Jones

Registered User
Jun 14, 2019
15
Happy New Year

I just wondered if anyone could recommend any online planners or accounts with regards to when my sibling and myself visit Mum who has Vascular Dementia. Sadly my sibling and myself do not speak directly and have to communicate online. We used to use e-mails which were sent to my brother and he would pass messages on between us but after several years, my brother no longer wishes to continue to do this so we are currently using google calendar to communicate between ourselves.


We do not use direct e-mail our self as e-mails have over the years have become too aggressive and sadly the messages on the planner are becoming that way as well when it is only supposed to be used for when we visit Mum between us as well as providing updates relating to Mum. However, as I say the messages are now becoming quite abusive again and for years dealing with the bullying messages are impacting on my wellbeing and I would rather not have any communication with her at all but sadly I have to with regards to having updates on Mum



Are there any communicate tools for carers that you are aware of at all that may assist in this situation, ideally I would like to be able to restrict or monitor the incoming messages.


With thanks very much I appreciate any advice on this
 

Jessbow

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
2,944
West Hertfordshire
Am i understanding this right? There are 3 of you, your middle sibling ( or the sib that sit in the middle) is fed up of being the go between? Cant say as i blame them.

Dont think there is anything in the world that can stop one person verbalising whatever it is they want to say. can you not just ignore the stuff that isnt 'about Mum'? easier said than done I know
 

Demi Jones

Registered User
Jun 14, 2019
15
Hi There
I was in a very similar situation but we did not speak at all in any way shape or form,i just did my own thing i have POA so i did not need to be in contact and she only visited mum once a flood (but visited more when she thought mum was dying ) and did nothing to help anyway she just use to make sure mums neighbours had seen her and she used bad mouth me all the time,i never reacted at all (my time will come) now mum is in a home and the care staff think i am a only child funny that.Hope it works out for you sorry i have no suggestion that will help x
 

Jilly Bean

Registered User
Dec 4, 2012
15
Cramlington
Hello @Jilly Bean

Why is there a need to share updates about your mum with a sibling you don`t speak to. Wouldn`t it be best for you both to find your own paths around your mum and avoid so much unpleasantness?
In an ideal world that would be amazing but for example, she is Mum's unpaid carer and therefore takes her to all medical appointments, I need to be updated on any results subsequent to any medical appointments, does that make sense? If you have an alternative method then please do let me know. As I say we currently communicate with updates on Mum's wellbeing via an online platform. Thanks and I look forward to hearing from you. Best regards. Jill
 

Jilly Bean

Registered User
Dec 4, 2012
15
Cramlington
Am i understanding this right? There are 3 of you, your middle sibling ( or the sib that sit in the middle) is fed up of being the go between? Cant say as i blame them.

Dont think there is anything in the world that can stop one person verbalising whatever it is they want to say. can you not just ignore the stuff that isnt 'about Mum'? easier said than done I know
Thanks, I do try to ignore them but why should I have to put up with them in the first place? It is impacting on 'MY' wellbeing i.e having to deal with the harassment/unpleasantness :-(
 

Jilly Bean

Registered User
Dec 4, 2012
15
Cramlington
Am i understanding this right? There are 3 of you, your middle sibling ( or the sib that sit in the middle) is fed up of being the go between? Cant say as i blame them.

Dont think there is anything in the world that can stop one person verbalising whatever it is they want to say. can you not just ignore the stuff that isnt 'about Mum'? easier said than done I know
Hi There
I was in a very similar situation but we did not speak at all in any way shape or form,i just did my own thing i have POA so i did not need to be in contact and she only visited mum once a flood (but visited more when she thought mum was dying ) and did nothing to help anyway she just use to make sure mums neighbours had seen her and she used bad mouth me all the time,i never reacted at all (my time will come) now mum is in a home and the care staff think i am a only child funny that.Hope it works out for you sorry i have no suggestion that will help x
Dear Demi, thank you for your kind response anyway, appreciate it xx
 

Sirena

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
2,046
Sorry to hear this, and I can see why you need updates. But I don't think you'll find an answer. If your sister wants to find a way of being unpleasant, she'll find it no matter what platform is used.