1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

One thing after another

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by babystar, Aug 3, 2015.

  1. babystar

    babystar Registered User

    Apr 10, 2013
    132
    Haven't posted in ages but need some opinions please.

    As a brief back story, Mum went downhill after my Dad died three years ago. She'd get muddled every now and again before he passed away but nothing really noticeable. After he died she was diagnosed with depression, a diagnosis which probably disguised the dementia. It took its course and over time she had help in the home but eventually she just wasn't safe by herself.

    She went to a care home last November and settled in ok. She has very limited verbal communication usually only says yeah to everything, or she may repeat things you say. She tended to get upset when any of us children visited, mainly when we arrived or left, but this is slowly improving.

    Since she's been there she has had quite a few UTIs (some suspected) and they have also notified us that she has told people to F off and has hit people. Which is not only out of character but hard for me to believe due to the lack of words she ever says.

    We have also had a few cases where she hasn't been clean; in particular when one of us went to pick her up and she had no bra on, was unwashed, and still had overnight incontinence wear on. They knew we were coming, and she had clothes on, so it wasn't like she was still waiting to be gotten ready.

    There has also been a case where her wrist swelled up for no apparent reason. Apparently she was ok, went down to her room, came back 15 mins later and her wrist was swelling up. No one contacted us about this, it was only when one of us visited that we noticed it, and not even all the staff seemed to be aware either.

    When she went in to the home she was still continent. Then we noticed she was wearing pads. And obviously overnight too. Again, no one updated us on these changes which I would have thought they would do.

    We addressed these issues and brought forward her 6 month review. They said apparently the UTIs can be caused as people with dementia don't fully empty their bladders, meaning old urine remains in the bladder and causes problems. So they think this is the reason (so not related to the cases where she has been in dirty incontinence wear for too long like I thought?)

    They confirmed the hitting and said she is on a 24 hour watch. It hasn't been the same person all the time and they have made all staff aware. They don't know whether it's to do with people in her space or not, as apparently she hit someone that just walked by.

    I did say I would have expected to be contacted about her wrist, especially as the GP came, and they said the GP said it was an arthritic swelling. Not that we've known Mum to have arthritis and I don't know whether that swells up so quick, but I know circumstances change and guess it could be that.

    The home thanked us for bringing it all up etc. I was most annoyed about how they were quick to call when they said she'd hit someone but not for when she wasn't well.

    Anyway, now something else. A new chap came in to the unit and took a shine to Mum. He followed her about etc and she would smile at him and sit next to him for tea. When one of us went they were holding hands. Now they've called to say they found Mum sat on his lap rubbing his crotch. So a new saga begins as another ends. They are keeping them apart but there having a meeting etc etc. They said about still having "needs" etc which I do not believe. They're now trying to keep them apart.

    Has anyone else had an incident like this happen?
     
  2. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,393
    Female
    South coast
    Mum is in a Ch and she and another chap have taken a shine to each other. They sit together and mum thought she was married to him - she asked me what her surname was and didnt believe me when I told her as she said she had married since then :eek:.
    The carers are keeping them apart too. I have been told it does happen every now and then as people with dementia do sometimes mistake other residents for their spouses.
     
  3. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,490
    West Midlands
    Not trying to worry you, just letting you know... I had to move mum from her first care home because she "took responsibility" for a male resident. Every cloud has a silver lining in our case as mum is now in a much better care home.


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  4. babystar

    babystar Registered User

    Apr 10, 2013
    132
    Well he followed Mum around at first- they said apparently Mum was a bit like his wife. We mentioned could they watch the pair of them but in relation to Mum hitting out, especially as he tends to be quite touchy-feely and get in your space. They said, "it's alright, they're friends" and I thought if it brought Mum some comfort it would be a good thing. This has literally happened less than a month after he arrived.

    Apparently they have said that they were aware that they may need to supply extra one-to-one care for him and that this happening means they will have a good case to out in for extra funding! So glad it's worked out for them...

    I think I do struggle to accept the changes Mum has gone, and is going, through. As most of you will know the feeling, the person you knew has disappeared and can be replaced by who knows who! I find it hard to believe Mum is swearing, even with the UTI. And hitting out. And now this! I am sure her and my Dad were pretty old fashioned in the bedroom department and cannot imagine her having these "needs". Besides, it was obviously him that was getting his met!
     
  5. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,490
    West Midlands
    Don't forget, your mum was probably a "bright young thing" in the 1960's.....

    My mum.... Wow have I found out things about her in the 1960's :eek:
    Things she has talked about, which I though was her imagination/confabulation, have since been confirmed by a friend of mums who was around at the time - quite shakes you up at the time, now I can laugh about it... Though it is uncomfortable to think of "mum" that way, even now

    Yeah, that's the reason why I moved mum. The care home were, in my opinion, taking more notice of the gentleman friend than mum. The care home seemed to think that mum "wasn't too far down the dementia road", and could handle the situation - she was further down the road than they recognised, and no! She couldn't deal with the situation....

    Fingers and toes crossed that your mums care home are on the ball and keep a close eye on things, that's assuming that otherwise, apart from this "niggle" you are very content with the care your mum is getting otherwise if it was me.... and you are not 80% happy anyway, I would be looking for another place - I know a nightmare thought xxxxxxx




    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     

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