Well, it seems we finally have a place in a residential home for my Mum, after phoning and visiting so many I lost count: my living room is full of folders of brochures, leaflets, pamphlets, my notes, god knows what. But it's the home we liked the most of all of them.
And three hours after I got the phone call telling me that, she collapsed in hospital (she'd had very low blood pressure that morning, when it's usually really high) and spent the night in A&E, so now we're waiting on a ward review to decide if she's safe to move.
After several weeks of being confused but mostly calm - apart from outbreaks of 'going home' syndrome, which had been lessening - today when we visited she was utterly confused, very agitated and emotional. For example, I'm apparently having an affair with the doctor's daughter - which was news to me and my (male) partner. I was variously her brother (dead since 1982), my younger brother (I don't have one - I'm an only child), or me, but I wasn't popular which ever one it was.
She cried because her dog was dead (it's healthier than it's been in years and living with a friend 10 miles from me). We have apparently also barely visited her the many years since her mother put her in there ('there' wandered between being her home (although she thinks she has several), a shop, 'the office' and a couple of places we couldn't figure out - it was never a hospital; her mother died 20 years ago; and we've visited at least once a week since she was hospitalised last October). All the 'usual' threads of her delusions were there, but much stronger and more belligerently than before. Staff who have previously described her as 'no trouble', have plainly found her a considerable trial the last few days. It all seemed like a big step downhill. (And draining after a morning already spent packing personal belongings from her house to take home with us in readiness for personalising the room in the home.)
So I quietly pray that tomorrow's meeting will decide she's fit to be moved and she'll be near us soon, rather than a 7 hour round trip every weekend to either listen to nonsense or be accused of things when all I want to do is make sure she's safe and being cared for as best anyone can. (If it's going to be a 15 minute journey in the future, I think I can cope with it a little easier. I'll leave knowing the gin bottle isn't three and a half hours away.)
As so many of you are further down this long, winding road than me, a couple of questions:
* once in the home, what recourse to local services (beyond the home's GP) does she have, or do I have on her behalf? There have been changes to her medication recentlyas the hospital are contemplating Aricept and are changes existing prescriptions in readiness. I want to be reassured someone with knowledge of dementia will be involved in monitoring her medication
* what happens if the place doesn't work out or the home decide they can't cope (it's taken every spare evening and weekend for 2 months to find a place and get control of her finances so we can make sure it'll be paid for without hitches: she may be solvent if incompetent to manage it, but I'm skint)
And three hours after I got the phone call telling me that, she collapsed in hospital (she'd had very low blood pressure that morning, when it's usually really high) and spent the night in A&E, so now we're waiting on a ward review to decide if she's safe to move.
After several weeks of being confused but mostly calm - apart from outbreaks of 'going home' syndrome, which had been lessening - today when we visited she was utterly confused, very agitated and emotional. For example, I'm apparently having an affair with the doctor's daughter - which was news to me and my (male) partner. I was variously her brother (dead since 1982), my younger brother (I don't have one - I'm an only child), or me, but I wasn't popular which ever one it was.
She cried because her dog was dead (it's healthier than it's been in years and living with a friend 10 miles from me). We have apparently also barely visited her the many years since her mother put her in there ('there' wandered between being her home (although she thinks she has several), a shop, 'the office' and a couple of places we couldn't figure out - it was never a hospital; her mother died 20 years ago; and we've visited at least once a week since she was hospitalised last October). All the 'usual' threads of her delusions were there, but much stronger and more belligerently than before. Staff who have previously described her as 'no trouble', have plainly found her a considerable trial the last few days. It all seemed like a big step downhill. (And draining after a morning already spent packing personal belongings from her house to take home with us in readiness for personalising the room in the home.)
So I quietly pray that tomorrow's meeting will decide she's fit to be moved and she'll be near us soon, rather than a 7 hour round trip every weekend to either listen to nonsense or be accused of things when all I want to do is make sure she's safe and being cared for as best anyone can. (If it's going to be a 15 minute journey in the future, I think I can cope with it a little easier. I'll leave knowing the gin bottle isn't three and a half hours away.)
As so many of you are further down this long, winding road than me, a couple of questions:
* once in the home, what recourse to local services (beyond the home's GP) does she have, or do I have on her behalf? There have been changes to her medication recentlyas the hospital are contemplating Aricept and are changes existing prescriptions in readiness. I want to be reassured someone with knowledge of dementia will be involved in monitoring her medication
* what happens if the place doesn't work out or the home decide they can't cope (it's taken every spare evening and weekend for 2 months to find a place and get control of her finances so we can make sure it'll be paid for without hitches: she may be solvent if incompetent to manage it, but I'm skint)