You know that expression when you say "I'm up to here with it" and place your hand under your chin? Well that's where I am. But I'm either up to here with tears or anger. Anyone who annoys me is likely to be put firmly in their place but any sympathy chokes me up.
When I was working in education praise was rarely forthcoming so I used to judge myself and made sure I was doing my best and so it is with dealing with OH and his Alzheimer's. I know that the best way to keep him stable is to avoid mistakes. When he makes a mistake he tends to "beat himself up" and then go into sulk mood which continues long after he can remember why he is sulking. So I keep a close eye on most things. Making sure he has wallet, phone, keys etc. I have also developed the skill of working out where he might have left something or what might confuse him. I am sure I come across as controlling to people but I can't stand back and let him get himself into worrying situations.
So what has got to me this week? Well too many social occasions. I know I shouldn't moan about being asked out but they are becoming so difficult. One instance last week. An old friend arrived at a gathering with others. OH asked what she would like to drink, then started to ask others. I knew he wouldn't be able to remember a drinks order so said something along the lines of just get P's first. Another person said "Oh, let him... I explained it was better if he did one thing at a time. It was a free bar so people could get there own. But it's the implication that I was being controlling, nasty, putting him down, that hurt. When I was just trying to avoid confusion, a table full of unwanted drinks and him facing failure.
Yesterday he went to golf and managed to lose his glasses, which he wears all the time. No way I will know now what has happened, too much time expired. He thinks it might have been in the bushes or when he took his jumper off. Can't help but feel that if I had been there it wouldn't have happened because I look ahead for these problems. Really expensive glasses, quite new (haven't mentioned this to him). Think we will have to go down cheaper route, perhaps buying two pairs. But he sulked all afternoon, taking to his bed early. Things still very touchy this morning.
And we have another social occasion this evening, black tie. Many of our friends are reaching significant birthdays and anniversaries and are so generous in their hospitality. They are wonderful friends but they don't know the details of our day to day living, and I don't want to burden anyone. Who wants to go out for the evening and hear all my complaints, so I bottle up, cover up and move on.
Also refuse to burden my sons although I think they know how difficult things are. I thanked my son for something the other day and he said "You deserve it". Cracked me up.
I know how the above reads. Depression. Well who wouldn't be? There's no solution is there? I have to carry on carrying on.
Thanks for reading. Please feel free to add your own moans.
When I was working in education praise was rarely forthcoming so I used to judge myself and made sure I was doing my best and so it is with dealing with OH and his Alzheimer's. I know that the best way to keep him stable is to avoid mistakes. When he makes a mistake he tends to "beat himself up" and then go into sulk mood which continues long after he can remember why he is sulking. So I keep a close eye on most things. Making sure he has wallet, phone, keys etc. I have also developed the skill of working out where he might have left something or what might confuse him. I am sure I come across as controlling to people but I can't stand back and let him get himself into worrying situations.
So what has got to me this week? Well too many social occasions. I know I shouldn't moan about being asked out but they are becoming so difficult. One instance last week. An old friend arrived at a gathering with others. OH asked what she would like to drink, then started to ask others. I knew he wouldn't be able to remember a drinks order so said something along the lines of just get P's first. Another person said "Oh, let him... I explained it was better if he did one thing at a time. It was a free bar so people could get there own. But it's the implication that I was being controlling, nasty, putting him down, that hurt. When I was just trying to avoid confusion, a table full of unwanted drinks and him facing failure.
Yesterday he went to golf and managed to lose his glasses, which he wears all the time. No way I will know now what has happened, too much time expired. He thinks it might have been in the bushes or when he took his jumper off. Can't help but feel that if I had been there it wouldn't have happened because I look ahead for these problems. Really expensive glasses, quite new (haven't mentioned this to him). Think we will have to go down cheaper route, perhaps buying two pairs. But he sulked all afternoon, taking to his bed early. Things still very touchy this morning.
And we have another social occasion this evening, black tie. Many of our friends are reaching significant birthdays and anniversaries and are so generous in their hospitality. They are wonderful friends but they don't know the details of our day to day living, and I don't want to burden anyone. Who wants to go out for the evening and hear all my complaints, so I bottle up, cover up and move on.
Also refuse to burden my sons although I think they know how difficult things are. I thanked my son for something the other day and he said "You deserve it". Cracked me up.
I know how the above reads. Depression. Well who wouldn't be? There's no solution is there? I have to carry on carrying on.
Thanks for reading. Please feel free to add your own moans.
This is the most wonderful place to get it all off your chest, in the sure and certain knowledge that there will be at least one person, who has experienced the same things as yourself, and there will be dozens who can sympathise and offer advice.
