1. Robertson

    Robertson Registered User

    Apr 30, 2015
    5
    I have just joined the forum today hoping to be able to get some comfort knowing others are dealing with similar issues. OMG it's depressing. I have read some threads and can't believe this can go on so long and get so bad. Am I naive or what?
    People tell me my mum is deteriorating even when I think she's doing pretty goode. Some days I see that myself but she's nowhere near as bad as some that I have read about. Is this what lies ahead? Are there stages?
     
  2. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    11,278
    Female
    near Folkestone
    Hello Robertson and welcome :) Please don't get too disheartened as everybody's journey is different. Yes, there are difficulties ahead but no one knows how they will present themselves. I suggest you don't look too far ahead and just take each day as it comes. I have a thread on here called positives and we have chats, laughs and support one another . Maybe you would like to have a peek? You will find lots of advice and support on this forum even if it gets a bit overwhelming sometimes.


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  3. kingybell

    kingybell Registered User

    Feb 3, 2015
    115
    Enjoy your mum while she's still ok(and that may be years yet).
    I was getting uptight with my mil now I just have a laugh with her.
    Don't let dementia frighten you.

    I have done so many things with my mil that I would have put off previously.

    We have bounced on a giant adult bouncy castle, been to the theatre, been an extra in a film.
    It's difficult but it needn't be scary. Make sure you have things planned for the future for different stages and enjoy her now
     
  4. Kjn

    Kjn Registered User

    Jul 27, 2013
    5,835
    Don't be scared and keep chatting on here x

    Kingybell:D bouncy castle ..go you !
     
  5. pipd

    pipd Registered User

    Apr 12, 2015
    77
    Leigh on Sea Essex
    That is exactly how I felt when I first discovered Talking Point, it scared the life out of me reading about what could lie ahead. The more I read the more I understand and thankfully I have realised that my mum is not as bad as some other poor souls. I am trying very hard not to think too far ahead and deal with whatever each day throws at me......it's difficult but I am learning to change myself and the way I deal with things. Keep reading as there is so much on here that will help you and a fair bit of humour too.
     
  6. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,579
    Female
    Dundee
    It's that ind saying 'one day at a time' that you need to keep hold of. Every person with dementia is different. My husband was diagnosed 14 years ago and although is quite advanced now we still enjoy life. It's a different kind if life but we adapt as the days and weeks and months go on. Easy for me to say but don't worry too much about the future. Enjoy what you can with your mum just now. As things change TP will always be here and many people will help and support you.

    Have a look at the Tea Room for more light hearted stuff. Yes there are many sad posts on the forum but you'll also find many people living well with dementia. Here's a link to the tea room in case you haven't noticed it -

    http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/forumdisplay.php?44-Tea-room
     
  7. Grey Lad

    Grey Lad Registered User

    Sep 12, 2014
    5,737
    North East Lincs
    Hi Robertson you have come to the right place. I would not have coped without T P. The support from this site is first class. I am relatively new compared with others on here but taking one day at a time seems the best approach from my experience.
     
  8. Robertson

    Robertson Registered User

    Apr 30, 2015
    5
    Thank you for the advice, I'll check out positives.

     
  9. jan.s

    jan.s Registered User

    Sep 20, 2011
    7,352
    Hi Robertson and a warm welcome from me to. Many posts focus on the negatives, because that is when we feel we need help. Also, as others have said, each dementia journey is different.

    Dementia presents good bits and not so good bits, but at the end of it all it's still your mum and as she becomes more vulnerable she needs more tlc.

    My husband and I shared some very special and lovely moments throughout his dementia journey and those memories live on for me. As others have said, take each day and each situation as it happens. I found so much love in dementia :)
     
  10. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    840
    Fife Scotland
    Hello Robertson and welcome to TP, yes it is depressing but now that you have found us and joined you realise that you are no longer alone. My sister alao cried when she began to read the threads, only because she realised what is to come.
    We here are all at varying degrees at looking after someone, and may I say it is a learning curve, every time we learn something we can pass it on to someone else.
     
  11. Robertson

    Robertson Registered User

    Apr 30, 2015
    5
    What do you do?

    At the moment my family life is on hold based around the needs of my mother. No matter what I do, it seems never to be enough. I live quite far from my mother (involves a flight) and try to see her every holiday I have from work and almost every 2 to three weeks for the weekend. She still gets upset almost from the minute I arrive because I will leave again. Having her live with me is not an option (and i have thought long and hard about it). She has a good care package but feels lost and lonely when she is alone.
    I find it very hard dealing with the guilt of leaving her and on the other side, not being there enough for the rest of my family.
     
  12. Robertson

    Robertson Registered User

    Apr 30, 2015
    5
    I do get a lot of positives looking after my mother but having to balance work and family life (and my own husband) I feel so torn. I don't even live close by which is hard. It seems like there is no real solution. No matter what I do someone feels they are missing out either my mother or my family. Not easy!

     
  13. Robertson

    Robertson Registered User

    Apr 30, 2015
    5
    Thank you
     
  14. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,206
    Merseyside
    Welcome to TP

    Is it time to consider a home so there is always someone about?
    You cannot keep your family life on hold indefinitely & you need a break.
     

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