Old friend of 20 years has memory problems or dementia

[LCM55]

Hello All
I have been speaking to this friend on the phone during the pandemic. Had not seen him since about 2017/18. He had stopped responding to phone messages. When we reconnected in 2020 I realised just how much his memory, communication and his life has changed and shrunk. I believe he knows who I am; even though he forgets my name during conversations. His sister looks after his finances and has visited him a few times during the pandemic. He lives on 15th floor of a block of flats and does his food shopping in the local Costbutter, 5 minutes away. Apart from occasionally attending a local AA meeting, that is more or less all the contact he has. His sister presumably decides what should or should not be done to help him. Not my place to interfere. So I have just tried to stay in contact via phone, without being too intrusive. Difficult. So I thought I would see if people have similar experiences. Thanks. LCM55

 

[lemonbalm]

Hello @LCM55 and welcome

Your friend is fortunate to have you looking out for him. Does you friend have a diagnosis of dementia already and you are worried that he does not have enough support, or are you concerned that he may have dementia? I have assumed the latter for now.

There are several other conditions which cause similar symptoms to those of dementia. Depression, thyroid issues, even vitamin deficiency. It's good to rule these out by consulting a GP. Without be intrusive, you could perhaps ask your friend how he is feeling next time you speak to him, say you are thinking of having a check up with your doctor yourself soon and see if this encourages a response.

The following link might be useful:

Talking to someone about their memory problems

If someone you know is having problems with their memory, talking about it can help them get support. If these problems are affecting their everyday life, you should encourage them to see a GP.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

 

[LCM55]

Hello @LCM55 and welcome

Your friend is fortunate to have you looking out for him. Does you friend have a diagnosis of dementia already and you are worried that he does not have enough support, or are you concerned that he may have dementia? I have assumed the latter for now.

There are several other conditions which cause similar symptoms to those of dementia. Depression, thyroid issues, even vitamin deficiency. It's good to rule these out by consulting a GP. Without be intrusive, you could perhaps ask your friend how he is feeling next time you speak to him, say you are thinking of having a check up with your doctor yourself soon and see if this encourages a response.

The following link might be useful:

Hello Lemonbalm
Thanks very much for your reply.
Not as far as I know, he doesn't have a diagnosis; but his sister, whom I have never met or written to, may well have.
I am guessing from the way this friend communicates on the phone; as compared to how he has been over a period of twenty odd years.
When I ask how he is feeling, he is quite simplistic in his replies and does not go into detail. He has lost his fluency of vocabulary and expression, as well as not actually remembering things.
He does not hold on to the detail or thread of a conversation.
He used to be a prolific reader and has loads of music CDs and old vinyls. But he doesn't read or listen to music anymore. Seems to only watch TV; and then doesn't remember what he has watched or the name of a film he has just watched. He said he saw some of the football match on Sunday; but did not really seem to know what was going on.
He goes to this local AA meeting and there are people there who know him of old. Again, he is quite vague about it.
I posted him a diary, a pack of 10 masks and a packet of chocolate biscuits way back last summer. He says he tries to remember to wear his mask. But at the same time, says it doesn't really worry him. Early on in the pandemic he seemed to realise the implications of it; but a year later it has receded.
I am sure you are familiar with a lot of this type of behaviour. For me, it is the first time I have encountered it in a friend or family member.
I will watch the link you have kindly sent.
Kind regards
LCM55

 

[LCM55]

P.S. I had to delete your link in order to be able to reply to you.
So, I have lost it. The site said I could not send a message with a link.

 

[lemonbalm]

I hope the link is helpful:

Talking to someone about their memory problems

If someone you know is having problems with their memory, talking about it can help them get support. If these problems are affecting their everyday life, you should encourage them to see a GP.

www.alzheimers.org.uk