Ok to have a "mini grieve"?

[Embry30]

hey all. Apologies if I'm doing this wrong.

A person very close to me and dearly loved father figure has been diagnosed as early Alzheimer's.

I have worked as a care and support worker for many years and have seen the full process from beginning to end with many people (although I know it's different for everyone). I also recently lost a beloved grandpa after a traumatic time with his Alzheimer's.

I love this person so deeply and I dread the day he doesn't remember me or his son, my husband. Hubs is unaware of or in denial of the road ahead. I feel like I'm already grieving him as I know soon he won't be able to do all the wonderful things he currently does and I that one day he won't recognise us.

I'm sorry if I sound over dramatic but this has hit me hard. Has anyone else felt like this?

Embry30 x

 

[marionq]

hey all. Apologies if I'm doing this wrong.

A person very close to me and dearly loved father figure has been diagnosed as early Alzheimer's.

I have worked as a care and support worker for many years and have seen the full process from beginning to end with many people (although I know it's different for everyone). I also recently lost a beloved grandpa after a traumatic time with his Alzheimer's.

I love this person so deeply and I dread the day he doesn't remember me or his son, my husband. Hubs is unaware of or in denial of the road ahead. I feel like I'm already grieving him as I know soon he won't be able to do all the wonderful things he currently does and I that one day he won't recognise us.

I'm sorry if I sound over dramatic but this has hit me hard. Has anyone else felt like this?

Embry30 x

Your feelings are understandable but maybe a bit premature. In many cases PWD do forget those around them but you'll see from other posts that some people recognise loved ones right to the end. With this disease the only predictable part is that it won't go away or get better. Everything else is as day by day journey.

 

[Embry30]

thank you. I'm still in the shocked/sad phase. Putting on bravevand calm collected one for others around me though. I'm hoping his personality and drive will keep things at slow progression with meds x

 

[Grannie G]

Hello @Embry30

As @marionq says, your feelings are natural. No one faces this diagnosis without feeling shocked and upset.

No matter what knowledge you have, try not to waste the time you have with your father in law by looking too far into the future. My husband had periods of not knowing me , during sundowning, but always knew our son, no matter how poorly he was. He also knew both our son and me until the day he died.

 

[Embry30]

Thank you so much for sharing this - we found out yesterday and are at the wedding of a close friend so trying to keep it low profile and absorb.

We are visiting them soon and I take on board the message to enjoy the moment and not plan too far ahead (part of my over organised and overthinking personality!)

I'm also trying to make sure I don't make this all about me - hence posting here rather than talking about it to husband. He is of the "well it is what it is....no point being upset". He may well have a point. I think my upset comes from caring for very unwell and unhappy PWD and also the scary possibility that someone I love isn't going to live forever....

Going into it with positivity as best I can and so thankful for support xx

 

[Grannie G]

This is the place to express all your concerns and receive support and encouragement from people who really do understand where you are.
It was a life saver for me during my husband's lifetime , especially when friends and the wider family really couldn't`t understand how it was.
On TP it really can be all about you.

 

[LadyA]

Some just don't "do" expressing emotions very well. This is a good safe place to talk about your feelings and worries.
My husband, although he didn't really know who I was exactly, to the day he died, recognised me as someone he loved very much, and he would light up when I came in to the nursing home. That was enough.

 

[Embry30]

That's so lovely and am snivelling....

It's the shock, and worry that's knocked me over. Time will ease this I'm sure.

I'm so touched by how kind and supportive everyone here is - thank you all xxxxx

 

[Rosnpton]

Until mum had to go into a ch last Feb,we looked after her at home,only having carers for the 8weeks before the move into care. Dad never accepted the altzheimers diagnosis,and lied to dr.family social workers-everyone in fact,about what mum was able to do,how well they were coping etc. He 'coped' by going out and leaving her on her own as often as possible. He couldn't manage her personal care and would ring me at work to go and change her pads,clean up accidents etc. When mum had to go into care after he broke his leg, she was looked after better then he could have managed. She is still in care,has deteriorated rapidly, but he still doesn't accept she won't 'get better'.
Maybe it is his way of managing that she isn't st home,and won't ever be able to return there.
Ros

 

[Alvira]

As a newbie to this site, I already feel better knowing there are others who are going through (or have been through) the same disease. My husband of 56 years has always been active and able to fix anything or build anything. Now he just sits and watches TV. In the evening he becomes agitated and is often unaware of his surroundings. I am the caregiver but get out once a week to get all my chores done. I don't feel comfortable leaving him alone. Sometimes I just don't want to do anything myself.

 

[Embry30]

I'm so sorry you have to face this :'( I've seen both ends of the spectrum and to be honest, the root of my mini grief is the acceptance of losing him.

He's a dedicated wife and am sure when the time comes the right services will be called on.

I'm so sorry you had such an awful time x