ok, this is getting very hard

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by zonkjonk, Apr 23, 2008.

  1. zonkjonk

    zonkjonk Registered User

    well I know we arent really friends. but you know what I mean.
    we went and visited joe today, saw BIL and SIL in the hospital foyer. Neice and MIL with Joe whe we got there.
    took Joe downstairs in wheelchair for a smoke....I suggested patches, Joe was adamant no patches.
    DH and Joe had a nice talk, they worked their whole lives bricklaying together, talked about work a bit.
    It stuns me that someone that old and sick can actually carry on a conversation...I am to used to the AD thing.
    My daughter met her boyfriends nanna, and she came home amazed
    "mum this lady is in her eighties, and she talked like a normal person"
    my family obviously thinks if you are old and sick, you cant be a normal person...IE not affected by dementia.
    the procedure for Joe is happening tomorrow,
    results , who knows when
    Hugs Jo
     
  2. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Isn't it sad when young people equate old age with dementia? It must be the norm for so many families.

    I'm glad your daughter has the opportunity to get to know someone who hasn't the disease, it may help her to see your mum as 'sick', rather than just 'old'.

    Hope the tests go well tomorrow.

    Love,
     
  3. zonkjonk

    zonkjonk Registered User

    Joe had his biopsy, and under the general anasthetic, he started having heart problems. the registrar told my MIL that Joe most probably has lung cancer.
    results of biopsy t/row.
    spoke with MIL this evening, daughter(SIL) projecting ahead, he will not go into a home,MIL said I cant look after him on my own.
    I told MIL about palliative care etc, but I must say I will be on MIL side on this. MIL is disabled physically, and knows her limitations.
    by the way SIL looked after her FIL at home until death (dementia) but she had help from family.
    I hope the family does not come undone because of this. time will tell.
    Jo
     
  4. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    It doesn't sound good for poor Joe, does it?

    I think you're right to back your MIL on this, I'm sure there will be another way to make sure Joe is well cared for.

    The blessing is (I hope you see it as a blessing), if it is lung cancer his suffering will not be prolonged, and palliative care will make sure he's comfortable.

    Love,
     
  5. zonkjonk

    zonkjonk Registered User

    I just heard, Joe DOES have lung cancer, apparantly an aggressive form,
    they are doing full body scan to see how far it has spread.
    it is too agressive to treat so no chemo etc etc.
    they will be sending him home.
    I had to ring my DH to let him know about his dad.:(:(:(
     
  6. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    So sorry Jo. You must be devastated, and so must your husband.

    I hope there will be a proper palliative care package set up before Joe comes home, it's going to be too much for your mil -- and you -- to cope with.

    Love and hugs,
     
  7. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    7,788
    East Midlands
    Sorry to hear that news, Jo.

    It's a terrible feeling when you're given news like that.

    How is Joe taking it..?

    I hope they're going to offer some palliative care..

    And that your family will pull together.

    Lots of love..gigi xx
     
  8. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,094
    Kent
    So sorry Jo. :(
    Take care xx
     
  9. zonkjonk

    zonkjonk Registered User

    gigi, no one has told him yet....but i think, he already suspects
    tonight has been dreadful, DH talked with MIL and SIL ...both inconsolabe...the other BIL in queensland has been told...he is flying down this weekend.
    I have spent the afternoon investigating carers support and palliative care options and telling my children about their granpa.
    my DH parents Joe and Maureen have 4 children, my DH, 1 sister and two brothers all married with children
    me and DH, 2 kids, brother in queensland, 2 kids, SIL 6 kids, other brother 4 kids
    thats 14 grandchildren and they also have 6 great grandchildren
    So, there is a lot of family support.
    hazel/sylvia, thanks for replying..it means a lot to me
     
  10. Mameeskye

    Mameeskye Registered User

    Aug 9, 2007
    1,669
    NZ
    Hi Jo

    Thinking of you at this difficult stage.

    May your family all pull together and give support to each other.

    Over here the Marie Curie and MacMillan Nurses provided a fantastic support to our family during my Dad's final days. There experience in pain relief was fantastic and ensured that as far as possible Dad was kept pain free.

    Love to you all

    Mameeskye
     
  11. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Jo, huge hugs to you.


    Hug 5.gif


    Love,
     

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