Dear Ellie. Oh how I understand!! Have just read this thread, after having a bit of a downer about the way things are.
When Dad died, I felt sorry for my brother as he worked awkward hours. We were supposed to organise the funeral together as Mum was struggling, (we didn't know at the time that it was AD), but he never showed up until late afternoon as he had been using the time for DIY in his house, then would be sarcastic that I had gone ahead with things without him. I then offered to do the Probate etc which he agreed to. He did nothing but complain, critisise, worrying that I may do something against him, being 'in charge' of our doting parents estate. He went as far as to get a solicitor himself to check that what we were doing was right! We tried to keep Mum's intersts at heart -andalways what Mum and Dad had intended.. He was just thinking of himself. The trouble this caused made Mum vomit one afternoon following a phonecall he made, and I just couldn't BELIEVE it was happening! He too seems to have problems with me from the past -all came as a terrible shock, I had no idea he was harbouring so much ill-feeling, but which explained why he never, ever thanked me for birthday cards, presents etc. I had no idea he felt so little, and he told me he couldn't care less if I never contacted him again.
Even so, for Dad's sake, and Mum's, I tried (still trying) to do what is right. I became ill actually, and started with palpitations at the time, and still get them in bad times. Mum had by then forgotten, so I am the one bearing everyone's pain. Oh, how I understand ....
I still try to keep him informed, but he sounds disinterested, and when I tell him how it really is, he just blames me for taking it on. I should really just let it go, forget him, as it hurts so much to think Dad is dead, Mum is struggling so much, and he just doesn't care. Mum sees him in a different light, she has forgotten what happened, and I am left with all this. Dad would be so angry to know, after a lifetime of hard work on our behalf. Whilst we were doing the funeral, probate, getting Mum diagnised, moving her from her home 100 miles away to live close to me, he was himself selling and moving home. Always critisising, but we are still not sorted in our lives through all this, whilst he has his new home, complete with all decoration/alteration finished. He never comes up. Just phones Mum once a week. Blames me for 'taking her away', making it difficult for him!!
I wish I could put one of your paragraphs in a box, like Bruce and co. do, but don't know how. The one starting, 'SINCE I CUT MYSELF OFF' .... I think the same! And the important people, MUM, ME AND THE FAMILY. YES, YES, YES!!!
This has made me feel so much better, you wouldn't believe!! LOU LOU also. So many comparisons .....
As if coping with this disease isn't enough, without all the hassle. You know what, if people wish to find out how Mum is in future, they must ask me. I will not track them down any longer. LULU
ps how do you put the boxes of text from one post into another, please?