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OH wants to go abroad

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
2,484
0
cornwall
Most definitely lol.
I learnt’ very early on that when SS said dad had fluctuating capacity that was when I stepped back. So I used to give him the phone for him to do his thing. The phone ended up on the table. The calls were never made. When he used to have a go at me my argument was “ you can do that”.Funnily enough when confronted with it he used to go quiet. These days as he is in the latter stages of VD he is amenable and does even less. ( he is immobile but can throw things and be verbally aggressive) but rarely.
 

Long journey ahead

Registered User
Mar 28, 2020
132
0
He does struggle now with his phone.
I hadn't realised until recently how much I do for us.
We moved in Jan this year and I did it all liaising with tradesmen ordering things and paying. Then all the painting.
I think i need to step back and let him see how he struggles maybe then he will accept his diagnosis.
 

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
1,962
0
65
London
Morning Martin,
that helps explain better.
I have emailed our docter.
He will not accept that He can't drive.
I daren't leave the car keys in view unless I am present.
he took the car out last year while I was in the bath to buy more beers. I rang the police but he was home while I was in the phone so they couldn't do anything. He got really mad at me chasing me round the house.
That is a worrying situation. Driving is a separate issue. Has his driving licence been revoked by the DVLA? If so driving is a criminal offence. If not, he is allowed to drive and that's very difficult to prevent. There are a lot of threads about driving, I started some of them as I have the t-shirt on that one too. Also his insurance company must be told of any diagnosis. Driving without insurance is also a police matter.
 

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
1,962
0
65
London
Our gp told him to inform DVLA but he hasnt. I emailed DVLA a couple of weeks ago.
The DVLA will send him a form to fill in, failure to do so means license will be revoked. When they get it back they ask the GP for a report. Then they make a decision. Unfortunately it can take weeks during which time both the PWD and other road users are at risk. Unfortunately there's no rapid process for stopping a person from driving
 

Long journey ahead

Registered User
Mar 28, 2020
132
0
The DVLA will send him a form to fill in, failure to do so means license will be revoked. When they get it back they ask the GP for a report. Then they make a decision. Unfortunately it can take weeks during which time both the PWD and other road users are at risk. Unfortunately there's no rapid process for stopping a person from driving
Gp surgery have responded to my email.
He is ringing in Friday afternoon to speak with my husband and wants me present. He confirmed emailing DVLA was the right thing to do.o
let's see how many lies he tells the gp.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
10,931
0
Southampton
Gp surgery have responded to my email.
He is ringing in Friday afternoon to speak with my husband and wants me present. He confirmed emailing DVLA was the right thing to do.o
let's see how many lies he tells the gp.
at least the gp is taking notice. will you be on loud speaker so you can correct anything he might say?
 

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
1,962
0
65
London
Gp surgery have responded to my email.
He is ringing in Friday afternoon to speak with my husband and wants me present. He confirmed emailing DVLA was the right thing to do.o
let's see how many lies he tells the gp.
What he says may not be true but is more likely a delusion rather than a lie. I would be cautious about a phone call as it is easier to pull wool over medical eyes on the phone. Do make notes and email the GP afterwards with the corrections. However it does sound as if your GP might be preparing to tell the DVLA to revoke the licence. If they get a GP telling them a man is unfit to drive they do revoke it quickly, or they did in my father's case. In theory it is a DVLA decision but they will Ake a lot of notice of the GP.
 

DazeyDoris

Registered User
Jul 9, 2020
41
0
The DVLA will send him a form to fill in, failure to do so means license will be revoked. When they get it back they ask the GP for a report. Then they make a decision. Unfortunately it can take weeks during which time both the PWD and other road users are at risk. Unfortunately there's no rapid process for stopping a person from driving
The day my husband finally saw the GP and did the memory test she told him to stop driving, at least until he'd seen the consultant and been assessed etc. I seized the moment and sent his licence to the DVLA straight away and that was the end of it. There's no way he'd be able to fill in any forms, ring the DVLA to arrange an assessment or whatever.
 

JojoB54

New member
Aug 12, 2021
2
0
My OH has booked a cruise but I am desperately worried about leaving my father who has dementia. In the process of booking live in care with one of his part time carers who is also self employed, as the thought of him going to a care home with strangers isn't good. I also worry about being away if something happens. He is 93. How do I tell him and how do I stop fretting?
 

spike4irene

New member
Nov 30, 2021
1
0
My wife the lovely Irene was diagnosed with mixed dementia when we came back from Rhodes in October last year. Not to much of a shock as she'd been diagnosed with MCI 18 month s prior. We've booked 2 more trips to Rhodes again this year. One , 2 weeks late May to early June and 4 weeks mid September to mid October. I wouldn't think of going without some assistance as last year was a bit of a nightmare. So this year I will be going with friends and family. One thing I did learn was to know where she was at all times as we did have a few embarrassing moments
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
11,896
0
Yorkshire
hello @spike4irene
a warm welcome to DTP
I hope you and your wife enjoy your trips this year ... a good move to be with family and friends so you both have company and support
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
11,896
0
Yorkshire
hello @JojoB54 and a warm welcome to DTP

I doubt you will entirely stop fretting, any more than you would if you spent a couple of days away shopping ... something may or may not happen with your father but that's the case if you only leave him a short time, and he's your father, you care about him, so you will fret to some extent

you are organising a live-in carer whom he knows, which is good and will help to ease your mind ... make sure you leave your contact numbers and those of GP, social worker, family, friends etc who would support if needed ... to give the carer some time to themselves maybe arrange a befriender or other carer to visit each day ... leave details of your dad's routines, meds, likes, dislikes etc just so the carer has something to refer to ... and, of course, you will be arranging to stock up/deliver food and any essential supplies, plus a few treats

think ahead and have a plan for what you will do if you do absolutely have to go home ... check with the cruise company, they will have come across this before ... being prepared will stop you worrying about it

you know your father, whether he will get agitated if you mention it beforehand or a little 'drip-feeding' over time will let him get used to the idea ... mention this as a break for him too, or you've taken his advice to have a treat for yourself, or that your OH has surprised you so you couldn't give him much notice ... be positive, tell him how fortunate his lovely carer can help out, you'll bring him a souvenir, maybe leave him a brochure and itinerary so they can track your travel ... probably don't dwell on what you tell him, be brief and follow with a treat so his experience is positive

once you have covered all bases, you will know that you've done all you can for your dad and the carer

enjoy your cruise