OH wants to go abroad

[Sarasa]

Do you have any help coming in @Long journey ahead . I wonder if getting someone to sit with your husband while you go out for a mooch round the shops, coffee with friends, the gym or whatever you'd like to do would give you a chance to have some life of your own. It would also get your husband used to the idea of other people helping him. As things progress he may well need more help with day to day tasks. Age UK have a Help at Home service. It's not in all areas but if it does run in yours in might be a start. Its not in all areas and they don't do personal care. I've also heard (from @canary) that TuVida do a similar service.
I've done a search for other threads on Korsakoff and these are the results I came up with. I hope some of those will have some information you find useful.

 

[CAL Y]

What is it about dementia that sufferers think they are on a cruise liner or have been on a cruise? The Banjoman, who had worked on QE2 and other cruise liners, was totally convinced he was on a cruise ship when he was in hospital.

How true. In his last few weeks my husband “spent a lot of time” on the ferry to France.

 

[Duggies-girl]

What is it about dementia that sufferers think they are on a cruise liner or have been on a cruise? The Banjoman, who had worked on QE2 and other cruise liners, was totally convinced he was on a cruise ship when he was in hospital.

My dad was on a cruise when he was in hospital too but he didn't think much of his cabin, he also dreamed about being onboard very often. Dad was an ex seaman so perhaps it is a common theme. We actually went on a cruise with dad during his early dementia days before he was diagnosed and he was in his element.

 

[Dunroamin]

I may ramble a bit, but first a quote:

The Itch:
The youth gets together his materials to build a bridge to the moon,
or perchance a palace in the earth

the middle aged man concludes to build a wood shed with them. H.D. Thoreau

I think that in moments of clarity there is some innate need to 'fly', to experience what can no longer be, escape the current reality, take risks, and above all not be prepared to give in as dementia strips away the elements of what constitutes the person.

Even though I have few regrets in life, have travelled widely and attained much, there are still things that i yearn to do/experience, some of which will sadly not happen.

Someone up thread said something about planning a trip on paper which i think is an excellent idea. It seems to me the idea of 'only building a shed' underpins this restlessness of the gentleman wanting to go abroad.

 

[Long journey ahead]

That rings true dunroaming.
He is clutching onto normallity for as long as he can.
He has spent all week talking about a holiday. From abroad to caravans . Hotels in the lakes. The list goes on and on.
I am exhausted with it tbh.

 

[lushr]

hopefully they can asses that he needs full time care and less burden will be on you.
he clearly can’t be trusted alone and you can’t trap yourself in the house forever.

my mum now believes she is in ireland in the 1960s so… that’s helpful.
i used to be able to leave my mum if she knew where the kettle was and had a murder mystery on like Death In Paradise. i could sit her in front of that for hours and she’d be happy..

 

[Long journey ahead]

I contacted adult social care over Xmas asking for help. They told me while he is deemed to have capacity and refuses to engage with them they can't help.
It all seems to be focused on his needs not mine as his wife and carer.
which means It is me who has to give up my home and leave him. Even though I know how dangerous it would be for him, the house and my dogs.
doesn't seem quite fair.

 

[Violet Jane]

Is there anywhere you could go to for a break with your dogs? I'm pretty sure that if you told SS that you were going away they would say that your OH couldn't be left on his own and would arrange a care package or respite. If he wouldn't accept these then I'm pretty sure that they would find that he lacked capacity.

I have a strong suspicion that SS are less likely to find that a PWD lacks capacity when there is a resident family carer or a family member who is prepared to run around after the PWD. The cynic in me says that it makes SS' lives easier to find capacity because they don't have to have Best Interest meetings, arguments with family members and battles with resistant people with dementia. They can just say x has capacity and walk away. On top of that, the care provided by family members masks the true extent of the PWD's difficulties. If everyone stepped away for a few days things would deteriorate very quickly.

 

[jennifer1967]

I contacted adult social care over Xmas asking for help. They told me while he is deemed to have capacity and refuses to engage with them they can't help.
It all seems to be focused on his needs not mine as his wife and carer.
which means It is me who has to give up my home and leave him. Even though I know how dangerous it would be for him, the house and my dogs.
doesn't seem quite fair.

i had the same from them that he has capacity so if he doesnt want something then it wont happen. they have all the control although mine is better now he has memantine,

 

[Long journey ahead]

I met with his family before I left for a week to demonstrate this would be the case. We all agreed to step back and see if he coped. It soon became apparent that he coyldnt. His daughter was so worried that she came round along with his friend to help him every day. She was constantly on the phone to me. It really affected my mental health and I was constantly crying. She has a young family and works too so couldnt provide the care that he needs.

 

[Long journey ahead]

i had the same from them that he has capacity so if he doesnt want something then it wont happen. they have all the control although mine is better now he has memantine,

what do you mean memantine?

 

[jennifer1967]

what do you mean memantine?

its a tablet that stopped him getting so aggressive. you have to be referred to mental health team for that

 

[MartinWL]

My husband is in my opinion at an early stage of korsakoff so the combination of confusion and memory issues with alcohol withdrawels is tricky. He will not accept that He is poorly. He still thinks everything is normal. I know from doctors reports and regular blood tests that he is not well. His liver and kidneys are failing. He believes He is in complete controll of his drinking.

This is, assuming it to be accurate, conclusive proof that he fails the first test of mental capacity in respect of a decision for which an understanding of his own health conditions is relevant. If social services "deem" him to have capacity they are simply wrong. As @Violet Jane says social services may consider a person to have capacity more because that is their best option rather than the best option for the family or the PWD. In the first instance if you think SS have assessed a PWD as having capacity wrongly complain to the director of social services.

 

[Long journey ahead]

This is, assuming it to be accurate, conclusive proof that he fails the first test of mental capacity in respect of a decision for which an understanding of his own health conditions is relevant. If social services "deem" him to have capacity they are simply wrong. As @Violet Jane says social services may consider a person to have capacity more because that is their best option rather than the best option for the family or the PWD. In the first instance if you think SS have assessed a PWD as having capacity wrongly complain to the director of social services.

I have been told by SS that they can not assess mental incapacity. They said it would have to be our GP. The G P came out to see him a couple of weeks ago and told him he has capacity as he understood the questions that he asked. He also admitted him to hospital because he was so weak due to dehydration and malnutrition. He is clever and appears to understand but he can't make safe decisions for himself.

 

[MartinWL]

I have been told by SS that they can not assess mental incapacity. They said it would have to be our GP. The G P came out to see him a couple of weeks ago and told him he has capacity as he understood the questions that he asked. He also admitted him to hospital because he was so weak due to dehydration and malnutrition. He is clever and appears to understand but he can't make safe decisions for himself.

Understanding questions isn't the correct test. However if he understands information given to him, he may have capacity. Whether his decision is safe or not isn't a factor either. A person is entitled to make unsafe decisions, for example I could decide to go mountain climbing without any experience or the right equipment but that would not mean I had lost capacity.

I think the key point is " he will not accept he is poorly". That means to me that he doesn't understand information given to him in relation to the decision. If it has been explained to him that he has dementia and other conditions and he cannot grasp that, he fails the first test of four. He cannot then make a decision for which that understanding is necessary.

 

[Long journey ahead]

Morning Martin,
that helps explain better.
I have emailed our docter.
He will not accept that He can't drive.
I daren't leave the car keys in view unless I am present.
he took the car out last year while I was in the bath to buy more beers. I rang the police but he was home while I was in the phone so they couldn't do anything. He got really mad at me chasing me round the house.

 

[imthedaughter]

Is the holiday theme continuing? I was goingt o suggest a lot of research, watching holiday programmes etc. It may not be the right stage for your PWD but my dad can believe 'six impossible things before breakfast' and has been known to be on a submarine for some time before (he did not work on submarines and I'm not sure he's ever been on one.)

 

[Long journey ahead]

Yes the holiday saga goes on. He now has suggested a couple of days at owd nells. One of usual places we have stayed for years. I told him I will try and arrange a dog sitter.
He may remember when he gets up. or we could go back to the beginning of the saga again.

 

[TNJJ]

Yes the holiday saga goes on. He now has suggested a couple of days at owd nells. One of usual places we have stayed for years. I told him I will try and arrange a dog sitter.
He may remember when he gets up. or we could go back to the beginning of the saga again.

If the holiday saga is continuing let him arrange the holiday, sitter etc. ( my dad often says he is going to arrange for a carpenter or phone a friend. They are still waiting as he cannot manage phone calls.) Do you think that would make a difference??

 

[Long journey ahead]

Most definitely lol.