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OH panics waiting for me at the ladies

Chrismitch

Registered User
Jun 23, 2011
127
Time and time again my OH is in a panic or is livid or has disappeared when I reappear after 2 or 3 minutes at the loo. What can I do? He phones me or tells people I've gone missing, accuses me of being away for an age. I explain carefully that he must stay put, but he wanders off looking for me.
Any thoughts?
 

jenniferpa

Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
39,448
You might not want to do this, but have you thought of getting a RADAR key and using the disabled bathroom and taking him in with you. Or is that a step too far when it comes to both of your comfort levels? Alternatively, get him on the phone and keep him on when you are in there so that you can continue to reassure him?
 

LynneMcV

Volunteer Moderator
May 9, 2012
3,862
south-east London
I am in a similar situation with my husband. Fortunately I haven't got 'caught short' while out and about with him yet, but it became apparent to me in the summer that I would be having trouble if the situation did arise. I just know that he would wander off.
It also became clear that he would struggle in a public loo himself.
Last month I purchased a RADAR key for disabled loos - primarily for my husband - but peace of mind for me too, knowing that I can keep him with me too.
We haven't had to put it to use for either one of us yet, but it does make me feel a bit happier to know it is there.
As Jennifer has said though, that might be a step to far for you at this stage.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
61,125
68
Dundee
You might not want to do this, but have you thought of getting a RADAR key and using the disabled bathroom and taking him in with you. Or is that a step too far when it comes to both of your comfort levels? Alternatively, get him on the phone and keep him on when you are in there so that you can continue to reassure him?
I had to come to that decision some time ago, even before Bill reached the stage he is at now. It took me a while to be comfortable with it but needs must.
 

pamann

Registered User
Oct 28, 2013
2,635
Kent
I had the same problem with my hubby a year ago, he started to get very agitated if l left him just for a few mins, he did wander off, could not find him, then luckily l saw a friend who had just seen him in M & S! l found him what a relief. I had to stop taking him out as his health deteriorated, Radar key is the answer.
 

Grace L

Registered User
Jun 14, 2014
647
NW UK
I had a RADAR key for my husband. I also used general disabled toilets too.
If I was desperate for the loo, he was with me. Not ideal , but needs must.


Having a problem with MiL at the mo, she tends to wander off (goodness me she is quick)
if left outside a loo, in shops, public , coffee shops .... anywhere.
She's not got a RADAR key and refuses to use one , tried and given up that idea.

If there is someone next to us at a table (coffee shop) I leave her chatting.
At least I know she will be OK for a few minutes

Will not go in toilet with MiL (if it gets to that stage), I can 'hold it' if I have to.
 

NanLorac

Registered User
May 14, 2012
686
Scotland
I have been taking my hubby to the loo since September. If we are in a cafe I can leave him at the table while I pop into the ladies. If we are in a shopping centre or supermarket we both go into the disabled toilet.

If I left him on his own outside the toilets and someone passed and smiled or he had to move to let them pass, then he would forget where I was and wander off. I think you get to a point where its safer to keep them with you at all time when your out.
 

Chrismitch

Registered User
Jun 23, 2011
127
Brilliant! Thanks. That's what I'll do. Isn't TP great. Each stage, however small the decline, brings another challenge, but someone on here has been there and can pass on advice.
 

Trisha4

Registered User
Jan 16, 2014
2,440
Yorkshire
You might not want to do this, but have you thought of getting a RADAR key and using the disabled bathroom and taking him in with you. Or is that a step too far when it comes to both of your comfort levels? Alternatively, get him on the phone and keep him on when you are in there so that you can continue to reassure him?
I thought RADAR keys were only issued to people registered disabled but this thread suggests you can purchase them. This would make life easier for us so I will investigate further.


Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
 

Casbow

Registered User
Sep 3, 2013
1,002
Colchester
Time and time again my OH is in a panic or is livid or has disappeared when I reappear after 2 or 3 minutes at the loo. What can I do? He phones me or tells people I've gone missing, accuses me of being away for an age. I explain carefully that he must stay put, but he wanders off looking for me.
Any thoughts?
I agree with what everyone has said. I have a radar key. At least I can get him in there to go. If I send him in the Mens loos he is out again so quick that I know he hasn't been. When I say anything he says that there's "other people in there". As for me going its impossible to ask him to wait outside as in less than 1 minute he has forgotton and wandered off. I have learnt to hold on for a very long time. On the subject of 'other people' he often won't go at home because of all the others there. What a carryon.!
 

sford91

Registered User
Nov 4, 2015
112
Do we need to apply for RADAR keys/ make anyone aware if we buy 1/. Also does anybody know any good websites I can buy things for mums house, such as a fridge alarm, when she forgets to shut fridge or water alarm if she over flows the sink etc?
 

Beate

Registered User
May 21, 2014
11,903
London
What do you mean apply? You just buy one. Then you use it whenever you need it.

If you need gadgets to make life easier for your Mum, your first contact should be telecare via Social Services. I don't know about fridge alarms but they can tell you what they could provide you with for free, like trackers or door alarms.
 

Grace L

Registered User
Jun 14, 2014
647
NW UK
You can buy RADAR keys from Age UK , much cheaper than some places online.

I think ? even our local key cutters has a supply of them.
 

NanLorac

Registered User
May 14, 2012
686
Scotland
I got a Radar key free from the council office. I had to show take a copy of a letter showing my husband received DLA.
 

motherlily

Registered User
Apr 22, 2014
8
South Wales, UK
Radar Key

Thank you for starting this thread. The responses you have received has helped me. At present I have to leave my husband outside and so am constantly in a rush and feel panic if there is a queue, so I will track down a radar key. :)xx
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
61,125
68
Dundee
Thank you for starting this thread. The responses you have received has helped me. At present I have to leave my husband outside and so am constantly in a rush and feel panic if there is a queue, so I will track down a radar key. :)xx
I got one from the Council - I think it was the attendance allowance letter I showed. I bought extras to give to brother, carers etc -

http://www.amazon.co.uk/s/?ie=UTF8&keywords=radar+key+disabled&tag=googhydr-21&index=aps&hvadid=24562764774&hvpos=1t1&hvexid=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=15093485324533387386&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=b&hvdev=t&ref=pd_sl_5przhcp5y0_b