Oh mother, where are your laces? What on earth have you done to your shoes? I've searched in so many places, How many pairs can you lose? I've located a missing umbrella, A hat, three socks, and your lunch, I've risked catching salmonella, When I reached down the bog on a hunch, I even dared pull out the wardrobe, Behind which you stash all your treasures, But a glance told me though I'm no germ phobe I'd be forced to take desperate measures, So I called for the dog, who's less fussy, And I pointed her into the gap, She looked, but recoiled, and thus she, Shook your laces right into my lap! Relief was only short lived though, And now I must try not to holler, If your laces were draped round the dog's neck, What the heck have you done with her collar?!!!