Oh, Lord, what to say and do to make things okay

[LolaJane]

the last couple days, my mom has been asking when she is to be taken "home" when she IS at her own house. I tried to explain (yeah, I know, no sense trying to explain) that she WAS at her house. She does not believe that this is her house. She's been in it for over 15 years. there is no convincing her of it. She is calling me, her daughter, another name. I knew this might be coming, but now it's here. What to do? Continue to tell her she IS home or smile and tell her "tomorrow" someone will come to take her home. I'm afraid she will begin packing up her things. She has gotten mad at my brother (brother stays during day, I stay at night) and packed her suitcase. He won't lie to placate her and insist she be told the truth and I think we should just smile and say what she wants to hear.

 

[Torontonian]

Hi LolaJane

My mother who lives with me also looking for me most of the times. This month has been really bad... in one occasion got out of bed in the middle of the night and wanted to go home and ended up in the hospital for 3 days because the blood pressure was very high with all that agitation... exactly 2 weeks after that wanted to know where her daughter was (me, right next to her) and when she gets agitated like that, no way I am able to calm her, change the subject, distract whatever I do, can't calm her down... paramedics were called and it took about 10 hours to get back to the previous stage.

All you can do is distract, agree, show interest in what she is saying, agree and smile and more smile and say yes tomorrow I will take you home, there is a plumber working there right now, etc. etc. hoping tomorrow she will forget what she asked for.

Take care and good luck!

 

[Kevinl]

My wife regularly asks to "go home" we've lived here for 28 years, when I ask where "home" is she says it's where her brothers & sisters all live like they're all in one place "home" when they were children. She seems to forget we moved in together in 1975 married 8 years later and have 3 children, home to her is where she was a child, regression or whatever I suppose. I just keep finding excuses and reminding her they all live miles away and miles apart but she still has this mythical land in her head of her past, like Narnia (but without the lion, the witch or the wardrobe).
K

 

[Not so Rosy]

Home to my Dad is where he grew up, he can remember the address and the layout of the house in exact detail. I think he moved out of there in the early 1950's but he can't remember the house he moved out of this year

 

[jaymor]

For two years prior to my husband going into nursing care lived with me, the lovely lady who looked after him, waiting for his wife to come and pick him up to take him home. When I asked him what address he lived at he gave our address but he did not see it at home. We had lived in the same house for 46 years.

I would say his wife would be here later and perhaps he could help me make a cup of tea, sweep the leaves up etc, anything to distract him and keep him calm.

I tried taking him out, making a lot of fuss about where we were going ( home he thought) and when we pulled on the drive he would open the door with his own key, put his coat away and walk into the sitting room but he still was not at home. It is a difficult one but hopefully distraction will work.

Your brother is not helping himself or your Mum by constantly telling her she is wrong and you probably getting the fallout of their differences of opinion.

Take care,

Jay