1. Expert Q&A: Living well as a carer - Thurs 29 August, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

    Angelo, our Knowledge Officer (Wellbeing) is our expert on this topic. He will be here to answer your questions on Thursday 29 August between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

Oh, just home to Scotland and mum's had a fall

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Buskitten, Jan 6, 2019.

  1. Buskitten

    Buskitten Registered User

    Dec 10, 2018
    77
    Hello everyone,
    Happy New year to all. I have been back in Scotland for a few days having left mum's after christmas. Mum is 88 showing signs of cognitive impairment, loosing things etc.... Anyway, I've just spoken to her on the phone and someone knocked in to her yesterday at morrisons. She has hurt her ankle but it's not broken, badly bruised apparently . She lives alone in a house with stairs and is going up the stairs on her bottom backwards. This sounds like a huge risk to me and very dangerous as she is already unsteady on her feet after a bad fall with fractures two years ago. I live 400 miles away and am now back at work, I'm extremely worried about all of it, but trying to figure out what to do ..... Should I phone gp tomorrow morning and ask for a home visit from a nurse to assess her injury? Any suggestions more than welcome - I feel she is very vulnerable and I really don't know what to do
    Thanks if anyone can help xxx
     
  2. sinkhole

    sinkhole Registered User

    Jan 28, 2015
    269
    Hi Buskitten, Sorry to hear about this, but these things do seem to happen at the worst times!

    Yes, I would want the GP/nurse to see her. I think you should also make them very aware of your situation so that the onus is on them to ensure she is physically well enough to carry on alone in the house or to organise for her to receive some treatment.

    Who was involved when she had the fall? Was a paramedic called?
     
  3. Buskitten

    Buskitten Registered User

    Dec 10, 2018
    77
    Hi sinkhole thanks for replying so quickly! It's difficult to get a true picture due to mums cognitive impairment but it seems no one helped to pick her off the ground ( I find this hard to believe!) And no services were called; she says a man with learning difficulties bumped in to her and she fell, but got up and went to the bus stop. I can absolutely telephone her surgery tomorrow and see if someone will go and see her - can I say I've noticed memory issues and vulnerability too?
    Thank you again, I'm try ing to think what to do and also how to go forward with the whole thing. It feels overwhelming, but I suppose asking mum what she wants is a good starting point, is it?
     
  4. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    5,728
    Male
    Bristol
    That is worrying, Buskitten. You should speak to her GP about a physio and an OT assessment, though these can take months. You should also alert social services as your mum does seem to be vulnerable to further falls and anything they can do to provide carer support would be a priority. Does the NHS where your mum live have a Rapid Response Unit, they are in Bristol and with a referral from her GP or the paramedics can assess and support your mum while she recovers.
    Sorry, am rambling a bit. Hope any of that is helpful.
     
  5. Buskitten

    Buskitten Registered User

    Dec 10, 2018
    77
    Thanks sporan , all good advice and you're not rambling! I will get on the blower first thing tomorrow and speak to social services and see how the land lies for getting her support xxxx
     
  6. KathrynAnne

    KathrynAnne Registered User

    Jun 6, 2018
    272
    Female
    South Yorkshire
    I have found that going through the GP and getting them to arrange a Social Services assessment really speeds up the process. The GP arranged 4 carer calls a day from the emergency response team when Mum’s dementia went rapidly downhill followed in a few days by a visit from Social Services.
     
  7. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,034
    Female
    Chester
    When my mum was at this stage she made up all sorts of stories about what had happened so I think you need to take what she says happened with an enormous pinch of salt. I can't believe if it happened in a supermarket no one helped her up or tried to help. Not that that is of any benefit to you now.

    I'm not sure what agencies will do if you contact them as without your mum's permission and consent to do anything, unless you have registered LPA with they may indicate that your mum has to initiate contact

    Is there a friendly neighbour you could contact to pop round and check on her in the short term?

    In the medium term based on your previous threads (I didn't get a chance to reply as was busy with work and kids) I think you need to engineer a move nearer to you for your mum. It isn't just about her wellbeing, it is about yours as well. My mum was 200 miles away and I knew there was something seriously wrong, didn't have a clue about dementia, but also knew she wouldn't let me in house due to historic hoarding. I was 'lucky' that a crisis happened which enabled me to get her out of the house and move her to live near me (in sheltered extra care). I did briefly consider trying to sort things so that she could remain in her home town (her house wasn't an option) and quickly realised that I couldn't do that and juggle work and kids and mum 200 miles away.

    This stage of dementia is very hard to manage, as the PWD think they can manage, insist they want to stay in their own home, and are oblivious to the cost to others of supporting them to do so.
     
  8. Buskitten

    Buskitten Registered User

    Dec 10, 2018
    77
    Wise words, juggling mum wise words.....
    My mother owns her her home and has savings so what would i do? Look for a little place up here for her to rent or buy?
     
  9. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,755
    Female
    Scotland
    Why not look at nice residential homes which can become nursing homes if she needs that in future. Although they are all expensive I would guess that in Scotland you’d find one that was cheaper than England. Are you in Central Scotland or further north?
     
  10. Buskitten

    Buskitten Registered User

    Dec 10, 2018
    77
    Hi Marion I'm in Kirkcudbright Dumfries and Galloway, very nice indeed here. Mum's in Herefordshire, been there all her life and loves it there
     
  11. sinkhole

    sinkhole Registered User

    Jan 28, 2015
    269
    It is true that everything should be taken with a pinch of salt, but I've made the mistake on more than one occasion of dismissing something that was said as being 'the dementia talking' when, in fact it was a very accurate report of what happened.

    Ultimately, you can't be too careful and if nobody from the medical profession has seen her, it needs to happen. What needs to happen after that will depend on the diagnosis.

    It must be very difficult being so far away. I have similar issues, although I'm not as far as you. In my case, installing cameras and sensors so I can monitor what's going on remotely has helped to ensure I can keep on top of situations and given me some peace of mind when I can't be there myself or raise any local help immediately.

    "Looking for little place to rent or buy" sounds like a possible solution if you say it quickly, but I would suggest looking at some care coming into the existing home initially as that will be quicker to organise and probably easier for her to deal with.
     
  12. Buskitten

    Buskitten Registered User

    Dec 10, 2018
    77
    Thanks everyone for your excellent advice and support, as always
     
  13. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,034
    Female
    Chester
    I managed to find a lovely sheltered extra care for my mum, the other side of the town I live in, the council area I live in is very well served by these sort of places.

    I do know a little the area you are in, and but it is a while since I looked it up, but in your area (which is where my MIL is) sheltered extra care doesn't seem to exist, I think I found one sheltered place in Dumfries which is a good way from my MIL and even further over from you, although I didn't look in your direction, not that far from MIL and where she used to live.

    Finding somewhere suitable and getting care in near you might be the best option in the area you are in, very nice, but very very rural. I just know I couldn't have coped with all the continuous travelling, in your case an hour until you even hit dual carriageway.


    I have had this happen to me, when mum had pneumonia she told me about watching the first ambulance that came for her break down and be towed away by a pick up truck, I didn't believe her but asked the on site care team and it was true, the next week she wanted me to buy a purple cardigan as you have to wear purple mourning when the queen dies!

    But my experience is when things go wrong they mix things up as the stress of the situation causes confusion.
     
  14. Buskitten

    Buskitten Registered User

    Dec 10, 2018
    77
    Thanks Juggling Mum, it's already exhausting and I know it's going to get much much worse - this is just the beginning
     
  15. sinkhole

    sinkhole Registered User

    Jan 28, 2015
    269
    I must admit, I would have been very suspicious about that claim too!
     

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