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OH in respite

Muttimuggle

Registered User
Dec 28, 2021
319
0
I am so pleased for you Canary. I really hope that you can enjoy this "me time". Relax, have a little fun and allow the processing of your thoughts for your future and your husband's future. Change brings with it other new changes and new ideas. Hope the sun starts to shine for you too. xx
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
6,336
0
Chester
I'm so pleased you've got some time for yourself. A haircut after 6 years sound fab.

Hopefully you've done something nice and relaxing today for yourself.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,829
0
South coast
Today has been a strange day
It was odd getting up and dressed with no interruptions. I pottered around a bit, my lady from AgeUK came and we cleaned the house between us. Then this afternoon I mooched around a garden centre finding plants to fill up some gaps. I decided to stop and have coffee and cake and felt quite wicked at the thought! And then.... The lady serving was someone I recognised from my professional life, and she recognised me too. She seemed delighted to see me, said that the family had missed me when I left and what was I doing now? I said that I had had to take early retirement in order to care for my mum and husband and this is what I was still doing. It seemed so lame to me and I could see the pity in her eyes. I took my coffee and cake to a table and tried hard to fight back the tears...
 

Pork Pie lady

Registered User
Mar 16, 2013
127
0
Anglia
The first few times my husband went into respite it was because I had to go away for work but I spent the extra few hours each side catching up on housework. I might seem like a waste of precious time to you but although I was tired I dealt with a lot of things that had been irritating me for sometime and felt much better for it. Specially not being so embarrassed when anyone called in.

One of the problems I have is you have been working all day sit down and have a rest, followed by you have been working all week this should be your day off sit down and have a rest and on holidays from work (we always stay at home) you are supposed to be on holiday not doing house work. As a result he is never happy when I wash, iron, wash up, dust, tidy or hoover. I do get away with shopping and cooking because he gets hungry and gardening as it is my happy place. I cope with it by reminding myself to be happy that most of the time he is still able to understand I need rest too.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
12,448
0
Yorkshire
Hi @canary
I think for those of us here and many who are in their middle years or more, hearing that someone has retired early to care for another sounds anything other than lame ... and what you thought was pity may very well have been the sadness of understanding
You've done a lot today ... I hope you're able to relax in the evening sun with a cup or glass of something delicious
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
12,551
0
Southampton
its a sense of achievement that you have accomplished something without interruption. and choice of what you fancy doing without thinking, this, that and the other needs doing first. whats on your agenda tomorrow? something for you, maybe planting the plants
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,829
0
South coast
Yes, Im planning on planting the plants tomorrow as my gardeners (husband and wife team) come on Wednesday. Usually, I try and join them once OHs carers arrive and I dont have to worry about him, but tomorrow I can stay out in the garden as long as I want.
Im trying not to plan too much. I started off writing a list of what I wanted to get done and a menu for the week, but this is what I do each week - plan the menu and what I have to do so that I can tick it off as I get things done and I didnt want my respite to turn into another tick-box exercise. Id like to get a bit of spontaneity back, wake up and think "what do I fancy doing?"
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
12,551
0
Southampton
Yes, Im planning on planting the plants tomorrow as my gardeners (husband and wife team) come on Wednesday. Usually, I try and join them once OHs carers arrive and I dont have to worry about him, but tomorrow I can stay out in the garden as long as I want.
Im trying not to plan too much. I started off writing a list of what I wanted to get done and a menu for the week, but this is what I do each week - plan the menu and what I have to do so that I can tick it off as I get things done and I didnt want my respite to turn into another tick-box exercise. Id like to get a bit of spontaneity back, wake up and think "what do I fancy doing?"
i would feel the same. my husband is going to visit his sister in devon for the day in 2 weeks time. my oldest son is driving him and my grandson is going too. i wont have to plan anything either but just go with what i want. liberating
 

nita

Registered User
Dec 30, 2011
2,420
0
Essex
I just came across your thread @canary and I'm so pleased this home will cater for your husband's needs and sounds like a good one. Now you've found it you can plan future respite visits! I hope you are getting help with funding for it.

Can you go out for the day - perhaps to the seaside or somewhere nice for a change. It will do you good to have a change of scene.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,829
0
South coast
Hi @canary
I think for those of us here and many who are in their middle years or more, hearing that someone has retired early to care for another sounds anything other than lame ... and what you thought was pity may very well have been the sadness of understanding
You've done a lot today ... I hope you're able to relax in the evening sun with a cup or glass of something delicious
Sorry, I missed this. Thank you Shedrech for giving me an alterative interpretation. There are times when I really miss my old career and suddenly seeing this lady stirred up lots of feelings.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,829
0
South coast
Can you go out for the day - perhaps to the seaside or somewhere nice for a change. It will do you good to have a change of scene.
Thats a good idea. There a place fairly near that I like to look round, but OH finds boring
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
6,336
0
Chester
I hope you have continued to relax with leisurely breakfasts, cafe stops and time in the garden, and whatever you fancy doing.

You deserve a battery recharge.
 

Libbybookworm

Registered User
Apr 6, 2018
94
0
Good news @canary. I hope he is settling in and you're now living a lttle more of your life. We are just entering this stage, OH had one period of respite a few weeks ago which wasn't a great success but I've just been to visit another specialist demention care home this morning which looks much more suited to his needs.
 

Lawson58

Registered User
Aug 1, 2014
2,887
0
Victoria, Australia
I think it’s wonderful that you are having some time to yourself. One of the things I have always enjoyed is a day of doing nothing, absolutely nothing, not one damn thing. Get up when I feel like it, eat what I like (ice cream for breakfast) sit in the sun, stroke the cats, put your feet up and let that other world go by. Enjoy those few moments as something precious.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,829
0
South coast
I phoned up the nursing home yesterday and the staff member gushed about what a lovely man OH is. Mmmm - while its gratifying to be told nice things about your OH, I do suspect that he is still in host mode and wonder when its going to wear off...

Today has been quite stressful and yet, also quite satisfying.
I drove to the local town parked in a multistorey car park (went pretty high up where there was very few people parked and picked an easy spot) and got a new mobile. I also rolled up other contracts and got them all in one, which meant that I also had a a new hub (router). Then I bought two new pairs of jeans and some more LFTs and had a celebratory cappuccino and almond cake. Then I cracked how to pay for the car-park, came home and in the afternoon contacted my old internet provider and cancelled. You may remember that my techie problems were giving me a huge headache and causing a vast amount of anxiety (Im such a dinosaur). Its all done now, though and I should get my phone changed over (Im keeping the same number) tomorrow and then the rest swapped in 30 days. I just hope that goes smoothly too. The stress of it was enormous, though, and cancelling the old contract seemed to be the worst - they dont make it easy to do!

Im hoping for a lie-in tomorrow, but so far the old body clock has been waking me at 6.00am (drat)
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
12,551
0
Southampton
I phoned up the nursing home yesterday and the staff member gushed about what a lovely man OH is. Mmmm - while its gratifying to be told nice things about your OH, I do suspect that he is still in host mode and wonder when its going to wear off...

Today has been quite stressful and yet, also quite satisfying.
I drove to the local town parked in a multistorey car park (went pretty high up where there was very few people parked and picked an easy spot) and got a new mobile. I also rolled up other contracts and got them all in one, which meant that I also had a a new hub (router). Then I bought two new pairs of jeans and some more LFTs and had a celebratory cappuccino and almond cake. Then I cracked how to pay for the car-park, came home and in the afternoon contacted my old internet provider and cancelled. You may remember that my techie problems were giving me a huge headache and causing a vast amount of anxiety (Im such a dinosaur). Its all done now, though and I should get my phone changed over (Im keeping the same number) tomorrow and then the rest swapped in 30 days. I just hope that goes smoothly too. The stress of it was enormous, though, and cancelling the old contract seemed to be the worst - they dont make it easy to do!

Im hoping for a lie-in tomorrow, but so far the old body clock has been waking me at 6.00am (drat)
its nice you are doing things for yourself. and sorted the phone and driving into town which you found so hard to do. gold stars to you. just shows how much stress you were under. you are not a dinosaur but like me, not really a techie. my oldest son helps with that.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,829
0
South coast
Thank you @jennifer1967 - yes, I rather felt giving myself a pat on the back for doing that.
I wish my children were nearer and could help me out. OH used to be a telecoms software engineer nd used to sort all of that out, but he started making bad decisions (like having mobile, broadband and landline all with different providers) and I keep uncovering things that need sorting out. Its a steep learning curve, but Im hoping that that is one thing now sorted.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
12,551
0
Southampton
Thank you @jennifer1967 - yes, I rather felt giving myself a pat on the back for doing that.
I wish my children were nearer and could help me out. OH used to be a telecoms software engineer nd used to sort all of that out, but he started making bad decisions (like having mobile, broadband and landline all with different providers) and I keep uncovering things that need sorting out. Its a steep learning curve, but Im hoping that that is one thing now sorted.
if my son doesnt know, he just googles it
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
76,273
0
Kent
I`m glad your husband is booked in respite for two weeks @canary. It sounds as if it will take you a week at least to adjust to having free time for yourself. You certainly don`t sound relaxed yet and I do hope you will experience the ability to sit back and take some pleasure in the moment.