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OH has now passed away

SoAlone

Registered User
May 19, 2016
142
Devon
In a way this is a final post from me. My wonderful OH finally succumbed to Pneumonia and passed away on 11th January.
He had suffered 3 bouts of pneumonia in the five months leading up to his death, and antibiotics could no longer help him. This was further hampered by his inability to tolerate canula's and fading ability to take medication or understand that he should swallow what was given. Right up until the final few days, when he could no longer communicate he knew me and I am grateful for that. That the end came within 4-5 years of finally getting a diagnosis was a bit of a shock, but supports my theory that he had been unwell for many years by the time that was made, and it was only when it became so severe that he could no longer hide it all the time that we began to see the signs.
The hospital were able to return him to the Nursing Home for the final 10 days of his care and I am so glad of that. During times, when stories of Nursing Home care only seem to be reported in a bad light ( and Oh Yes I do know they are probably true having experienced it ourselves) I want to say that the staff were absolutely wonderful. They came in on their day off and visited from the other units in their breaks to see him. They sat with him overnight, enabling me to take a break and get some much needed rest, but kept me informed with every change that occurred and any changes needed in his treatment to keep him comfortable. They found time to keep me supplied with coffee and if I wanted it food whilst still tending to OH and other residents. It was much better to sit with him in quieter surrounding of his own home, where he was priority rather a hospital ward. No side rooms were available at the hospital as they were completely full. one final piece of wisdom that I can say I have learned over the last 3 years. Please don't discount Nursing Home care as 'putting him/her in a home'.
It was the last thing I wanted too but it enabled OH and I to restore our relationship to husband and wife and there have been many happy and moments of laughter we have shared, that would have been denied to us, i am sure had he remained in our home. Take care everyone and thank you all so much for the support over the last few years. I have good support from family and friends, but I know I couldn't have done it without all of you on here
 

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
16,330
66
Toronto, Canada
Dear @SoAlone, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Please accept my condolences. I am grateful that your husband's passing seems to have been peaceful. You may or may not want to look in on us from time to time. Please take care of yourself.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
61,204
68
Dundee
I’m so sorry to read of your loss @SoAlone,

Your post is very heartfelt and moving to read. Do think about staying with the forum. I know I, and many other members, have found great comfort and support here following our losses.

Wishing you strength for the days and weeks to come.
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,563
Ireland
one final piece of wisdom that I can say I have learned over the last 3 years. Please don't discount Nursing Home care as 'putting him/her in a home'.
It was the last thing I wanted too but it enabled OH and I to restore our relationship to husband and wife and there have been many happy and moments of laughter we have shared, that would have been denied to us, i am sure had he remained in our home. Take care everyone and thank you all so much for the support over the last few years. I have good support from family and friends, but I know I couldn't have done it without all of you on here
This was exactly my experience too.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Even when we know it's inevitable, when we have sat there for hours and hours, waiting for it, we're still not really prepared for the shock of it actually happening. Wishing you strength for the coming months.
 

SoAlone

Registered User
May 19, 2016
142
Devon
Thank you everyone. It means a lot as Lady A says, we know it is inevitable but it doesn't make it easier. This cruel disease makes us only too aware of our loved ones vulnerability. It does not take their life in a direct manner, but leaves them unable to cope with illnesses that invariably come their way. I will check in time to time, so if I can help anyone along the way, please shout. Also at times I feel the need to remind myself how far we came together along this unwanted journey, and that we saw it through together. Last line reminds me of one of the songs I chose for OH funeral. Shania Twain, Your'e still the one. And he was right to the end and beyond xx
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
11,706
South coast
I am so sorry to hear your news, even though we all know this is what will come.
Your experiences are very much like mine with my mum. Mums care home looked after her beautifully too.

Be gentle with yourself now
xxx
 

White Rose

Registered User
Nov 4, 2018
432
Please don't discount Nursing Home care as 'putting him/her in a home'.
It was the last thing I wanted too but it enabled OH and I to restore our relationship to husband and wife and there have been many happy and moments of laughter we have shared, that would have been denied to us, i am sure had he remained in our home.
Sending my condolences to you @SoAlone but I'm so glad that you were able to share happy moments with your husband in the home. Thank you for letting us know that it's not all bad when someone goes into a Nursing or Care Home and that it can be positively beneficial. I hope all of your good memories can sustain you through this time of grief.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,660
In a way this is a final post from me. My wonderful OH finally succumbed to Pneumonia and passed away on 11th January.
He had suffered 3 bouts of pneumonia in the five months leading up to his death, and antibiotics could no longer help him. This was further hampered by his inability to tolerate canula's and fading ability to take medication or understand that he should swallow what was given. Right up until the final few days, when he could no longer communicate he knew me and I am grateful for that. That the end came within 4-5 years of finally getting a diagnosis was a bit of a shock, but supports my theory that he had been unwell for many years by the time that was made, and it was only when it became so severe that he could no longer hide it all the time that we began to see the signs.
The hospital were able to return him to the Nursing Home for the final 10 days of his care and I am so glad of that. During times, when stories of Nursing Home care only seem to be reported in a bad light ( and Oh Yes I do know they are probably true having experienced it ourselves) I want to say that the staff were absolutely wonderful. They came in on their day off and visited from the other units in their breaks to see him. They sat with him overnight, enabling me to take a break and get some much needed rest, but kept me informed with every change that occurred and any changes needed in his treatment to keep him comfortable. They found time to keep me supplied with coffee and if I wanted it food whilst still tending to OH and other residents. It was much better to sit with him in quieter surrounding of his own home, where he was priority rather a hospital ward. No side rooms were available at the hospital as they were completely full. one final piece of wisdom that I can say I have learned over the last 3 years. Please don't discount Nursing Home care as 'putting him/her in a home'.
It was the last thing I wanted too but it enabled OH and I to restore our relationship to husband and wife and there have been many happy and moments of laughter we have shared, that would have been denied to us, i am sure had he remained in our home. Take care everyone and thank you all so much for the support over the last few years. I have good support from family and friends, but I know I couldn't have done it without all of you on here
My deepest condolences to you & your family. The home sounds amazing & yes there are positive experiences , thank you for sharing this sad final one with us.
sending you love & light
Xxxx
 

Wakky

Registered User
Jan 5, 2020
46
In a way this is a final post from me. My wonderful OH finally succumbed to Pneumonia and passed away on 11th January.
He had suffered 3 bouts of pneumonia in the five months leading up to his death, and antibiotics could no longer help him. This was further hampered by his inability to tolerate canula's and fading ability to take medication or understand that he should swallow what was given. Right up until the final few days, when he could no longer communicate he knew me and I am grateful for that. That the end came within 4-5 years of finally getting a diagnosis was a bit of a shock, but supports my theory that he had been unwell for many years by the time that was made, and it was only when it became so severe that he could no longer hide it all the time that we began to see the signs.
The hospital were able to return him to the Nursing Home for the final 10 days of his care and I am so glad of that. During times, when stories of Nursing Home care only seem to be reported in a bad light ( and Oh Yes I do know they are probably true having experienced it ourselves) I want to say that the staff were absolutely wonderful. They came in on their day off and visited from the other units in their breaks to see him. They sat with him overnight, enabling me to take a break and get some much needed rest, but kept me informed with every change that occurred and any changes needed in his treatment to keep him comfortable. They found time to keep me supplied with coffee and if I wanted it food whilst still tending to OH and other residents. It was much better to sit with him in quieter surrounding of his own home, where he was priority rather a hospital ward. No side rooms were available at the hospital as they were completely full. one final piece of wisdom that I can say I have learned over the last 3 years. Please don't discount Nursing Home care as 'putting him/her in a home'.
It was the last thing I wanted too but it enabled OH and I to restore our relationship to husband and wife and there have been many happy and moments of laughter we have shared, that would have been denied to us, i am sure had he remained in our home. Take care everyone and thank you all so much for the support over the last few years. I have good support from family and friends, but I know I couldn't have done it without all of you on here
So sorry for your loss, but how beautifully you write about your OH. I am at the start of this journey with my OH and am afraid of the future and how I will cope. I think the worst thoughts all the time. Please consider staying with the forum - you may spot a post which you can respond to, and that may be of help to others. I feel I can write things on here which I cannot voice otherwise, because no one knows me here.
Again, I am so, so sorry for your loss and hope you will be able to look to the future knowing you did your utmost for the person you love xx
 

My Mum's Daughter

Registered User
Feb 8, 2020
28
So sorry for your loss but please consider staying as your vast experience would be invaluable to those of us just starting on the dementia journey x
 

YorkshireLass

Registered User
Feb 15, 2017
217
Ilkley
In a way this is a final post from me. My wonderful OH finally succumbed to Pneumonia and passed away on 11th January.
He had suffered 3 bouts of pneumonia in the five months leading up to his death, and antibiotics could no longer help him. This was further hampered by his inability to tolerate canula's and fading ability to take medication or understand that he should swallow what was given. Right up until the final few days, when he could no longer communicate he knew me and I am grateful for that. That the end came within 4-5 years of finally getting a diagnosis was a bit of a shock, but supports my theory that he had been unwell for many years by the time that was made, and it was only when it became so severe that he could no longer hide it all the time that we began to see the signs.
The hospital were able to return him to the Nursing Home for the final 10 days of his care and I am so glad of that. During times, when stories of Nursing Home care only seem to be reported in a bad light ( and Oh Yes I do know they are probably true having experienced it ourselves) I want to say that the staff were absolutely wonderful. They came in on their day off and visited from the other units in their breaks to see him. They sat with him overnight, enabling me to take a break and get some much needed rest, but kept me informed with every change that occurred and any changes needed in his treatment to keep him comfortable. They found time to keep me supplied with coffee and if I wanted it food whilst still tending to OH and other residents. It was much better to sit with him in quieter surrounding of his own home, where he was priority rather a hospital ward. No side rooms were available at the hospital as they were completely full. one final piece of wisdom that I can say I have learned over the last 3 years. Please don't discount Nursing Home care as 'putting him/her in a home'.
It was the last thing I wanted too but it enabled OH and I to restore our relationship to husband and wife and there have been many happy and moments of laughter we have shared, that would have been denied to us, i am sure had he remained in our home. Take care everyone and thank you all so much for the support over the last few years. I have good support from family and friends, but I know I couldn't have done it without all of you on here
Sending love and a massive hug. This is a very difficult time but your words are so true and comforting. My mum succumbed to pneumonia on January 16th and my experience so similar to yours. I applaud the dedication of the carers in mum's nursing home. I never imagined I wouldn't be able to care for my mum in our home but as the journey progressed the disease ran faster than I could. Looking back I wish I'd known how safe and supported I would be in those final years. xxxxx
 

Lilac Blossom

Registered User
Oct 6, 2014
558
Scotland
I am in a similar situation SoAlone as my husband died 24th January so it's early days for us. I would also reiterate what you have said regarding care home - OH died very peacefully in care home and I am so thankful for how well he was cared for.

It's good that you have support from family and friends.

(((hugs))) Lilac