OH giving the carers a hard time and wanting to come home

[Old Flopsy]

My OH has arrived at the care home but is being unco-operative- refusing food and demanding to go home to his wife and dog and cat- the dog died last year and the cat died in January.

But I was pleased that they had persuaded him into the garden this afternoon for a sit in the sun where he accepted a cup of tea.

I so hope that he will start to accept the situation soon, though the staff tell me it's nothing that they haven't come across before and he will settle in due course.

Such a worry.

 

[LuciG]

Hello @Old Flopsy , I hope you are OK. I don't have any advice I'm afraid as I'm quite new to all this myself. My mum went into full time care last year. You are right, it's a very worrying time but she is quite settled and has more up days than down, I hope it will be the same for your OH. Look after yourself x

 

[Banjomansmate]

I was just wondering how things had gone today. Of course it is only to be expected that your husband is stroppy and put out, especially as he was expecting to come home. The Care Home staff will know how to handle everything that he throws at them (even if that is quite literally!) and will do their best to help him settle in.
You will be sitting at home worrying and fearing the worst while he could well be sleeping like a baby tonight! Have a cup of tea or glass of wine or whatever beverage suits the moment and try to relax.

 

[Old Flopsy]

Thankyou @LuciG and @Banjomansmate - I certainly am sitting here worrying.

If he is asleep he is in pyjamas for the first time in months- he used to refuse to change- but apparently he arrived at the care home in pyjamas!

Yes the home said they have 'seen it all before' but it upsets me as he hasn't been so stroppy with me- except when I nagged him into the shower.

I expected him to be confined to his room isolating for two weeks so I am pleased he went in the garden- I didn't- I was sitting by the phone all day expecting the home to call!

Time for a cuppa.

 

[LuciG]

@Old Flopsy I know it's really hard but what has helped me these last few months has been people reassuring me that mum is safe, well cared for, well fed, warm and where she needs to be at this point in her life. It's something to grab on to when worry gets the better of you.
Enjoy your cuppa x

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

It's not just about him settling in - it's also about the carers getting to know him, when he likes to sleep, what food he likes, what gets him annoyed and what relaxes him. And they will learn much of that in a couple of days. Once they know him a bit better they'll avoid his 'triggers' and he'll be less stroppy with them. And all the time he'll be getting more used to where he is.

 

[margherita]

Hi @Old Flopsy , so sorry you are worried, but, please, stand firm in your decision and don't let emotions overpower you.
Your husband will settle, but it will take time.
Take care of yourself, you have made the right decision.

 

[Sarasa]

I hope you’ve had a good nights sleep @Old Flopsy . The home sounds good, I’m glad they’ve got your husband out into the garden and are reassuring you about his behaviour. They’ll have seen it all before and will cope with any strops fine.
As @Jaded'n'faded said as they get to know your husband things will improve. It may take a bit of time, but you have made the right decision for both of you.
Look after yourself now. {{{hugs}}}.

 

[Old Flopsy]

Just got back from taking his belongings to the care home. It felt so awful.

He is refusing to eat and won't accept personal care. Oh I wish I could just encourage him to accept the situation. But the carer said he did let her clean his glasses today, so I suppose that's a start.

I long for good news as everything seems so sad today.

 

[nellbelles]

@Old Flopsy it sounds like the carers are being attentive towards him, I expect baby steps from them as they get to know him..
Try not to worry too much hopefully he will soon settle and you will be able to visit properly..