Oh for some sleep.

Raffles

Registered User
Nov 8, 2008
97
0
North Wales
So hubbies now in a nursing home, I visit every day and am trying to sort out the many teething troubles from minor ones to very serious ones. I thought I would now be able to get some sleep buts it's almost worse than before, I worry he is alright, I feel so guilty as if I have evicted him from his own home for the rest of his life and I am lonely. I am OK during the day apart from crying all the way home after visiting him but I just can't go to bed at night. I stay up until 2am or 3am until I am to tired to stay up any longer, then lay in bed awake worrying. I sleep a couple of hours then lay awake again finally giving up at 6am and getting up. What is wrong with me? It isn't even as if we have slept in the same room for the past few years, I just had a sensor on his bed that buzzed in my room when he got out of bed. he has been in the nursing home now for 5 weeks.
 

Chuggalug

Registered User
Mar 24, 2014
8,007
0
Norfolk
You know, Raffles, I was like that, staying up until silly o'clock every night when my hubby was in hospital. I couldn't get an early night, but I did sleep when I went to bed. I find a book helps a lot when it's time for snuggle-byes.

I suppose you've tried all the usual tricks to try and nod off. If this continues, is there anyone you could speak with about the things that are worrying you?

You must sleep, sweetheart.
 

Kevinl

Registered User
Aug 24, 2013
6,052
0
Salford
Is it a bit weird sleeping in an empty bed or the empty house?
I can sleep fine alone (in a bed) but for some reason sleeping alone in a house really bothers me. Obviously loads of people do but there's always some strange feeling when I sleep in a house with only me in it, never figured out why it just seems odd.
At a push I'd even get a cat rather than be on my own in a house at night and I hate cats:D but empty houses just feel wrong (to me).
K
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
0
Essex
Many thanks for your replies, I know I can't be the only one who can't sleep I just wish there was an answer.

Sweetie, I'm a member of your club too. I don't even try going to sleep until 1, at the earliest. Am 6 months after John went into care, I'm still sleeping on the settee, a position I took up over a year ago, when John started nocturnal "cooking". The settee is opposite the kitchen door.

I just don't think there's an answer. I think it's a case of trying to establish a pattern, and doing your best to stick to it. I talk to my dog, non stop. Otherwise it would mean sitting here, silent.

We're the midows, neither widowed or married, worrying about our life long loves, and unable to sleep. Sorry sweetie, no answers, just sympathy and a huge virtual hug.
 

Raffles

Registered User
Nov 8, 2008
97
0
North Wales
Thanks Scarlett at least I am not the only one, does that sound mean?
I wish I still had a dog, we have always had dogs but after the last one died of age related problems common sense says no more. It would outlive me and I would be worried what would happen to it. Also I couldn't take it for walks anymore as am not fit enough myself. This getting old is no fun.
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
0
Essex
Thanks Scarlett at least I am not the only one, does that sound mean?
I wish I still had a dog, we have always had dogs but after the last one died of age related problems common sense says no more. It would outlive me and I would be worried what would happen to it. Also I couldn't take it for walks anymore as am not fit enough myself. This getting old is no fun.

So true. Our last dog died 7 years ago, and we said "no more". Then 6 months later, my son, who had brought Billy with him from the USA, decided they'd leave him here, until they were settled back in California. Well, of course, Billy stayed with Grandma and Grandpa, and my son adopted one of the shmillion other strays in the States!

Billy's getting on for 10 now, so he's quite understanding if I don't manage a daily walk. I hope you get some sleep, and of course it isn't mean to know that others are experiencing the same things as you are. :)
 

Owly

Registered User
Jun 6, 2011
537
0
If you're all stressed out still, and it sounds like it, magnesium can help. You can get bath flakes to soak in for 20 mins just before going to bed. I got some in the S..... supermarket (with the bubblebaths) and they are also available on the big A....... shopping website. After soaking in them, even early evening, I'm all yawny and ready for snooze afterwards.
 

Cloverland

Registered User
Jun 9, 2014
244
0
Thanks Scarlett at least I am not the only one, does that sound mean?
I wish I still had a dog, we have always had dogs but after the last one died of age related problems common sense says no more. It would outlive me and I would be worried what would happen to it. Also I couldn't take it for walks anymore as am not fit enough myself. This getting old is no fun.

It is a security thing not being in the house alone, even though many are use to OH's being away for respite etc., you say you would like a dog but worried it would outlive you, well, why not contact any of the rescue centres, dogs trust is one and re home an older dog, may be one whose owner has died or gone in to care. Because its older, wont worry about being walked all the time. These older pets are often forgotten when a pet is being chosen.
 

LYN T

Registered User
Aug 30, 2012
6,958
0
Brixham Devon
My late Husband (it pains me to say that) was in a CH for 18 months; 9 times out of 10 I've slept on the sofa. I've often wondered why. I came to the conclusion that I was punishing myself. Why should I be in a comfy bed when Pete was in a little bedroom in a single bed? Completely irrational of course. I'm actually not lonely-maybe because I have the comfort and company of my two dogs who give me plenty of cuddles and unconditional love. The guilt is still there of course.

I agree with Cloverland who suggests getting a rescue dog; an older one who needs as much comfort as you do. I'm not saying that a dog will replace your dear Husband but it will give you a focus.

I'm so sorry that you feel so unhappy

Love,

Lyn T XX
 

Scarlett123

Registered User
Apr 30, 2013
3,802
0
Essex
It is a security thing not being in the house alone, even though many are use to OH's being away for respite etc., you say you would like a dog but worried it would outlive you, well, why not contact any of the rescue centres, dogs trust is one and re home an older dog, may be one whose owner has died or gone in to care. Because its older, wont worry about being walked all the time. These older pets are often forgotten when a pet is being chosen.

This is excellent advice, and reminded me that on For The Love of Dogs, last night, there was a 15 year old being rehomed. As Lyn rightly said, it's that unconditional love that a dog gives you, that is so valuable.
 

truth24

Registered User
Oct 13, 2013
5,725
0
North Somerset
That's why I got my rehomed cat. The house just felt so empty. We are both caring for each other now and I have to get up in the mornings to feed her!. 1418421676917.jpg

Sent from my GT-N5110
 

Chuggalug

Registered User
Mar 24, 2014
8,007
0
Norfolk
If you're all stressed out still, and it sounds like it, magnesium can help. You can get bath flakes to soak in for 20 mins just before going to bed. I got some in the S..... supermarket (with the bubblebaths) and they are also available on the big A....... shopping website. After soaking in them, even early evening, I'm all yawny and ready for snooze afterwards.

Now there's a point, Owly! Chamomile tea is very good for just before bed, too. It's had me nodding off on several occasions in the past!
 

Raffles

Registered User
Nov 8, 2008
97
0
North Wales
Re Sleep

Thanks for your replies. I love the thought of a bath but ours was changed to a shower suitable for my husband a couple of years ago. I had difficulty getting in and out of it myself even with the help of my carer and an electric bath seat.
I have considered an older dog but would not be able to visit my husband, It's 25 miles each way and then a couple of hours there. Also I am hoping to enjoy my new freedom [if ever I get over the feelings of sadness and guilt] then I intend visiting friends who live about an hour and a half away, I am lucky enough to still have my car and can still drive so want to try and enjoy life while I still can. I would like to see my friends none who live near us now before it's to late. I crossed another 6 off my Christmas card list this year as most of them were in their 80s like me.
The pleasures of getting old.
 

Owly

Registered User
Jun 6, 2011
537
0
raffles, you can get magnesium sprays (oil, gel, cream) so it doesn't have to be a bath that you lie in. Or buy the flakes and heat with water to make your own 'magnesium oil'. Or sit with feet in a bowl laden with magnesium flakes. :)
 

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