Oh for goodness sake!

[Rosalind]

We have just had a rather odd lunch, involving prawns and frozen peas, because I found them thawing on the draining board this morning. I had to go out last night, and left husband's dinner out, ready to eat when he wanted it. Some had gone, so he presumably ate it, but for unfathomable reasons he also must have removed the other things from the freezer.

I didn't get cross (well, not obviously) but did ask him why he had got these things out, only to be told he had absolutely not moved anything anywhere. I asked him if, therefore, he really believed that before I left for an awards dinner in evening clothes with, for once, done nails and make up, at 6.45 last night I had taken it upon myself to remove various items from freezer? And if so, why? Well, it wasn't him. So it must have been me, is that what you think? Must have been. Did he not think that he just might have fossicked around in there, and taken things out? No.

It is the obdurate behaviour that is so wildly different from the person he used to be that is driving me nuts. No exchange of thoughts and ideas, no conversation, no joy in our relationship. I am sick to death of living with a madman.

And if anyone out there feels the need to point out it is not him, it is the illness, don't bother. I know that. But that does not stop me being sick of it. And I also know he is probably sick of it too.

 

[Lucille]

Odd behaviour

Hello Rosalind

I helped sort out mum's cupboards the other week:

14 tins of beans ("I don't even eat beans") she said.
12 tins of custard
4 bottles/jars of mayonnaise ("for the summer")

I've thrown out so much food that she's taken out of the freezer to put in the fridge and not eaten. But it's not her that's taken it out. I can deal with the forgetfulness, the repeating, but the changes in the personality are the most difficult to bear. Yes, I agree, saying it's the illness doesn't always make it easier. But we laugh loads and that's a great help (for both of us). We're thinking of having some bean and custard concoction, with mayo, of course. I think they call it nouvelle cuisine!

N

 

[Lynne]

We have just had a rather odd lunch, involving prawns and frozen peas, because I found them thawing on the draining board this morning. I had to go out last night, and left husband's dinner out, ready to eat when he wanted it. Some had gone, so he presumably ate it, but for unfathomable reasons he also must have removed the other things from the freezer.

I didn't get cross (well, not obviously) but did ask him why he had got these things out, only to be told he had absolutely not moved anything anywhere. I asked him if, therefore, he really believed that before I left for an awards dinner in evening clothes with, for once, done nails and make up, at 6.45 last night I had taken it upon myself to remove various items from freezer? And if so, why? Well, it wasn't him. So it must have been me, is that what you think? Must have been. Did he not think that he just might have fossicked around in there, and taken things out? No.

It is the obdurate behaviour that is so wildly different from the person he used to be that is driving me nuts. No exchange of thoughts and ideas, no conversation, no joy in our relationship. I am sick to death of living with a madman.

And if anyone out there feels the need to point out it is not him, it is the illness, don't bother. I know that. But that does not stop me being sick of it. And I also know he is probably sick of it too.

Rosalind: <<<<<<<<Hug>>>>>>>>>

I think your thread title was very restrained! (And your lunch was probably very healthy, unless you choked on it.)
Not being sarcastic here, but if it were not for irony and the need to grin (manically?) at the ridiculous, we would go under.

Hey, how about a thread for the strangest 'enforced' menu or recipe?

 

[connie]

Rosalind, feel for you. It's the "Mr.Nobody" situation, it was not him, was not you, so it was Mr Dementia. How I hate that man at times. Yes, we could all scream when inside we know the cause.

But to nicer things. Did you have a pleasant evening, all dressed up, nails and make up intact. Do tell, and hope someone took a photo of you, so you can remember your evening out. Chin up, thinking of you, Connie

 

[Rosalind]

Thanks Connie. Was not the most exciting of evenings, as was work orientated so I had to behave, and I was driving so could only sip the odd glass, but did give me the chance to wear a very over the top sequin jacket I bought on a whim years ago. Made me look like a Tiffany lampshade, but as the event was in the very grand and glitsy surroundings of Wilton House I was well outglittered by the decor!

rosalind

 

[Bets]

That Mr Dementia must be the chap who used to pop in here quite often. Any comment I made on something being broken, mislaid, put back in the wrong place, etc., was always greeted with "It wasn't me". It doesn't happen so often now because I eventually learned not to comment on such things, partly because my husband got annoyed and/or upset at the slightest whiff of any complaint or criticism on my part, and partly because, of course, it made absolutely no difference whatsoever. What I found so bemusing was the fact that, given his general inability to reason or talk things through, how often he could, on the instant, come up with what sounded to him, at least, like a convincing reason for why he did or didn't do something (when it wasn't Mr Dementia, that is).

I should add that, when I say I learned not to comment on the thousand and one frustrations that crop up every day, I didn't mean I never say anything. Sometimes my frustration valve explodes - but at least he forgets very quickly.

Bets

 

[connie]

Oh Bets, know the situation so well. Sometimes when I post I tend to forget these minor irritations.........Oh yes I can hear the screams now, minor indeed !.

We have moved on from there, and I have just been interupted by Lionel, to assist him on to the toilet. As he has no spatial awareness you can hear cries of:

"No you need to turn round, now back up, back up, back up, O.K. now bend your knees, yes the loo is behind you....No I wont let you fall..."....and so it goes on. Never a dull moment.

Rosalind, we need to see the picture......You as a "Tiffeny lampshade" sounds great.

Incidently this post has taken me 15 minutes in all to type & send. Ah well, he needs me.

Love Connie

 

[Áine]

Rosalind: And if anyone out there feels the need to point out it is not him, it is the illness, don't bother. I know that. But that does not stop me being sick of it. And I also know he is probably sick of it too.

I think that's a really good point Rosalind. The fact that it's "not them, it's their illness", does not invalidate our utter frustration with them. The anger is very real and understandable, whether they intend to be infuriating or not

 

[janjan]

Rosalind
Doesn't it make you want to scream at the top of your voice. Why me, why us. The frustration of it all, Reading your thread brought things back to me, sending you a big hug. [[[[ HUG ]]] Janet

 

[rummy]

Six phone calls yesterday and three this morning from my Mom regarding the how, when and why we were going to cut and color her hair and why it is that my Dad ripped open her precious box of hair color. I tried to explain to her that sometimes the stock boy gets too close with his box cutter and it was an accident but she was adament about how my Dad was sabatoging her hair color and he must want to be blond!
My husband said, " you are so patient", HA, I wait until I'm alone and scream
Mr Dimentia for me is more like a dimented tooth fairy. She takes the teeth and the brains and doesn't leave a quarter!
Debbie

 

[Norman]

Hi Bets
it isn't Mr Dementia that pops into your house,it's Mr Nobody.
He must be like Father Xmas,he is every where too!!
Norman

 

[Amy]

Hiya
He lives in our house too, no-one here suffers with dementia(that I know of!), but there are three teenage boys!
Amy

 

[noelphobic]

Hiya
He lives in our house too, no-one here suffers with dementia(that I know of!), but there are three teenage boys!
Amy

Three teenage boys are more than enough to make anyone demented! I have one and that's quite enough!

How old are your boys? Mine's 17, going on 77 at times, and the mental age of a toddler at other times!

However, I should be good to him - he gets to choose my nursing home!

 

[zan]

Mr. Nobody does strange things doesn't he. Mum and Dad used to hav meals on wheels delivered. They would arrive nice and hot at about 11am. Mum often didn't get up till about 10am so no-one would want to eat them at 11. Mr.Nobody used to put the meals in the fridge, oven, grill, microwave etc. and leave them their for days. He never told my Mum and Dad that he had done it. I suggested to the social worker that perhaps if the meal was delivered at lunch time instead of their breakfast time it would be better, but that wasn't possible. Someone has to be first. Why don't they start their first delivery later then, I asked. The last person would get their meal later but teatime is Ok to eat a dinner, breakfast time is not. That wouldn't be possible. I think that Mr. Nobody must work in social services or manage the local meals service , cetainly it is a Mr. or Mrs. no sense. They then wonder why we carers get so mad. I feel like we have had this silly kind of 'help' for a long time. In the end it doesn't help just makes you frustrated. I've come to the conclusion that my Mum must have had Vascular dementia as some of her symptoms were of this kind and she was on warfarin for a stroke problem, so for the last 3 years I have been trying to cope with both parents having big problems. I've often felt like I might as well hit my head against a brick wall as listen to some of the help we've been given.After saying that, the daycare they received was excellent. Sorry for having a whinge. Just felt like getting that off my chest.I wish I'd found this site 3 years ago to share the problems as they were happening. I felt so alone then. Let's hope that all the Corrie links will help people get support when they need it. Love Zan

 

[Lila13]

Just remembering a neighbour of my mother's who used to have Meals on Wheels delivered every day and when he died they found every room of his bungalow full of them.

Lila

 

[jks]

Mr Dementia called at Mum and Dads last night, too........he pee'd in Dads pyjamas, and on the bathroom floor, and then left.

 

[Finnian]

We looked high and low for all my husband's socks for days. He was convinced the kids had them. "What would teenagers want with Dad's socks ?" I asked, only to get a very mysterious "You never know" from hubby who is convinced its part of a Government conspiracy. (He is ex Forces and conspiracies are part of our family these days) They turned up, after I bought a new stock of course, all wrapped up in doggy poop bags like a pass the parcel party game. To this day we've not found out who did it.........must be the 14 year old with the attitude problem. Between him and the teenagers I often just grab the dog and walk. On better days I can tell myself I've got another funny story for the girls at work, on bad days I'm just glad I have good friends !

love Finnian

 

[cynron]

sunday morning

Mr Dementia woke me up three times between the hours of 6am and 7 30 am . Not too happy on a sunday morning.
Come lunch time he put himself to bed and later ate a cold lunch.
Tommorow he goes to day centre and needs to be up at 8 am. he will then feel the need to sleep on!!!

cynron x x x

 

[Lila13]

Mr. Dementia tells my mother to tell me that she's been doubly incontinent for 14 months although I know it isn't true. I've stayed in her house for long enough and done enough of her washing to know that her clothes and sheets are generally clean and dry. When I point this out to her she tells me that she dry-cleans them herself secretly in the night ...

She was convinced she'd wet and dirtied herself when we went to the memory clinic, and changed all her clothes when she got home, they weren't dirty, and she was worried about the big pool of mess which she was sure she must have left in the cab.

 

[rummy]

Yep, Mr Dementia struck my Mom's house too. Soiled her britches and hid them in the garage sink !
A sly and stinky guy!
Debbie