Off to see another care home

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Livveywills, Jan 14, 2016.

  1. Livveywills

    Livveywills Registered User

    Jul 11, 2015
    57
    I posted on here a few days ago about a care home i had spoken to who were lovely and keen to have mum for respite regularly.

    I went and saw it, all fine agreed that they would come and assess mum. They had reserved the room for the first weekend I needed. Then less than 24 hours later they called to say that they had an emergancy full time resident coming in and they were using their respite room for that so wouldn't be able to accomodate that.

    I'm going to see another care home now, they will only let me book a full week at a time but are at least saying I could pre book dates. I only hope they actually mean it and don't let the room once respite has been booked like this other one

    It is so frustrating, i am desperate to take my children away in the summer. I also have to go away for odd weeks and weekends to work but most care homes won't pre book any respite care they just say if they have space the week before I need it then they'll book it.

    How are we supposed to exist like that? We had booked a weekend away last year and ended up in the situation that mum had to travel for an hour to the nearest home with a space, it wasn't great and she got really scared - not having been able to be introduced to it gradually. She fell and broke her femur on the 2nd night when running away from them and that was that, 2 months in hospital and a wrecked break.

    So praying that this one works out! The other frustrating thing is that mum really isn't doing well at home and I think she would be happier in a care home, I really want to work towards that with a care home but getting a foot in the door is near improssible
     
  2. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,056
    GLASGOW
    On the other hand being full is a sign of a good care home. Its worth gritting your teeth and trying to get respite there at a later date too. Probably another family were at the end of their rope. Its very hard on you though.

    I hope you get your respite place sorted out and get that well deserved holiday with your family.
     
  3. mancmum

    mancmum Registered User

    Feb 6, 2012
    384
    Its rubbish and its not necessarily a blip in the system

    I also cannot book respite at a care home. Its ridiculous. The only people who can dependably book respite are those who have local authorities who block book beds and who will then release them to those who need respite care on a planned basis.

    How are carers of self funders meant to manage like that..well they can't. And the real rubbish thing is that you are paying around a 1,000 a week for the privilege of something that may or may not be provided.

    I can only get guaranteed respite by getting my (adult kids) and their partners to do it and to supplement their time with a paid carer.

    I have however found a place in Madeira which if it works do take bookings AND its significantly cheaper than here. Its part care home and offers enabled holidays. We are going in a few weeks time on a holiday with all of us and if it delivers what it promises I will be absolutely torn between letting other people know and just keeping info entirely to myself. The initial plan is to leave dad with them for a few hours while we go off and doing something more adventurous together.

    I hope you find somewhere but the only real solution is for carers who request to be guaranteed bookable respite and this is something that the private sector is not interested in delivering. Why would they...much better to take regular customers who get to know the routine than take in temporary respite people. My council cannot even organise to sweep the leaves so respite is completely beyond them. Sorry its not your fault but I just get hacked off when this picture is painted of a la la land where lovely carers can care and then get respite every so often. In Manchester you can't. My local councillor ha ha ha came for my vote assured me that he had protected adult services so deserved it and then couldn't even tell me what they were.
     
  4. AnneED

    AnneED Registered User

    Feb 19, 2012
    81
    East Yorkshire UK
    Sorry to hear about your problem - it is the way things work unfortunately. I too would be cautious about a home which regularly had numbers of rooms free. It's all to do with finance and not leaving a room empty.

    I used one care home who booked in advance but their 'respite' room was not very big and not ensuite and you had to book it for weeks only starting on Saturdays. I guess no-one would have been happy having their relative there permanently.

    I have since used another which is larger so (sadly) more likely to have patients die and therefore have rooms come free. They were a good home and we got on well and they said to get in touch again whenever and if we wanted a permanent place for mum they'd see what they could do. I know that if we need a room again I'll either have to make a long term arrangement or last minute but I'll keep trying them until I know they can't oblige.

    It is a hugely time consuming business and makes planning your own life a nightmare. I have said that Mum might have to go into a home at some point before I think that she's actually fully in need if I cannot support her as no-one else can do the amount that's required and by default therefore she'll be too at risk. At present I have stopped work and I am managing her support but I am aware this may not always be what I can do. I have sympathy for anyone who feels worn down by this - it's not surprising, and there's no easy answer.
     
  5. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,740
    Our local authority, in response to the demands of carers, has just provided a respite unit with 6 beds all pre-bookable. This is such a huge step forward because respite in a busy care home often is very difficult for the PwD as they are not a priority and their needs are not understood and staff don't have time to do so. The new unit will be respite only - the needs are so very different.

    I agree with Quilty I'd go back to your original home and keep trying telling them it is with a view to permanent - any care home with spaces could be suspect unless as Anne says it is large enough that people are constantly in flux

    Good luck, it is exhausting - we gave up in the end and just didn't have a holiday. not a good option and not recommended but it wears you down as Anne says

    The other good option and not much more expensive is to find yourself a good live in carer or a carer who would like to earn some extra money by living in, it is a question worth asking at your local carers organisation /cafe or even of carers you currently use. People are often a lot happier in their own environment especially for short periods.
     
  6. Livveywills

    Livveywills Registered User

    Jul 11, 2015
    57
    Well, I just got back.

    This home was lovely, all on one level, only 19 residents, quiet gentle staff who clearly had so much respect for the people they were caring for. But they can't take respite unless they have a room free.

    The good news was that they are opening a new home in a couple of months about 15 mins further away from us. It will be 21 beds and they only have 12 filled at the moment, so more chance of them having some respite care then.

    I have decided that I am going to take mum to have a look around this one on a day when she is in a good mood, and see how she feels. At least then if they do get a room free we could take a week. She might just enjoy it!

    I just looked at it and thought how I would love it if mum would think about living there full time. It is close to where we live. The rooms were bright and airy, she would have people around her all of the time, and she would be safe. She could still come out to go to church or have dinner with us each week while she wants to and I could go and see her regularly. She is so unhappy so much of the time at the moment, and we are unhappy struggling to care for her.

    I know that happiness isn't something that seems to go along with dementia for the sufferer or their carers, but I do dream of her being happy or at least content, and then for me to have permission to also be a little happier
     
  7. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,740
    Livvey this sounds absolutely brilliant - good luck x
     
  8. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,056
    GLASGOW
    Im glad it worked out. Tell your Mum its a hotel that only takes retired people - My Mum told me that is what her Nursing home is.

    A hotel only for retired people like me with nurses in case you get ill. Marvellous! You could not make this up. It can work out as a positive thing and my Mum can be hard work. Fingers crossed for you.
     
  9. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,740
    love it! That is exactly what a good care home should be - the fees reflect a decent hotel ;)
     

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