Occasional outbursts of aggression

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by ebas, Dec 11, 2019.

  1. ebas

    ebas Registered User

    Aug 8, 2019
    71
    To cut a long story short my OH who has vascular dementia has been having urine infections since September.Finally they was all sorted out.For the past 5 weeks he has been stripping all his clothes off in the early hours of the morning.This includes his incontinence pad,then he gets back into bed & wets the bed.

    It all came to a head last Friday after this happened again & he hit me because I was trying to get him dressed.At 7.30am I rang 111.At 12.15pm after speaking to other people an ambulance arrived.They took us both to A&E.They fitted him with a catheter which he then then kept trying to pull out as he was agitated.He then started crying in horrific pain. I was trying to calm him down & managed to find a doctor to give him pain relief.I don't know what would have happened if I hadn't been there. At 7pm I was so exhausted I had to go home leaving him in A&E
    He was transferred to the urology assessment unit & has been transferred to a ward today.
    On Saturday I had a phone call from the hospital saying he was fit to come home with the catheter still attachedI refused saying I wasn't well enough to look after him.I have since found out he took the catheter out & has been stripping in the night.
    Waiting to see what will happen next.I don't think A&E departments are geared up to looking after people with dementia
     
  2. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    60,162
    Female
    Dundee
    Oh goodness I’m so sorry to hear about what you’re experiencing. I think you’re quite right to say you can’t have your OH home as you can’t face that level of aggression. Is there a Social Worker involved with your husband? If so I would be saying to them that you are a vulnerable person and can’t care for your husband.
     
  3. ebas

    ebas Registered User

    Aug 8, 2019
    71
    There isn't a social worker involved yet but today the nurse told me there would be a best interests meeting.I am quite happy to have him home if they can sort out some medication that would suit him
     
  4. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    2,332
    There should be a social worker attached to the department at the hospital. It really would be good to talk to her before you agree to your OH coming home. A best interests meeting will not take your welfare into account it is entirely focused on what is in his best interests. This is usually an offer of a care package of visits, although if you are self funding you will have to arrange these yourself usually. I am concerned for your welfare. When something very similar happened to me, the hospital social worker said, along with the medical staff, this cannot continue, you cannot go on doing this alone at home, and helped me find what turned out to be a wonderful, loving nursing home. They helped me even though I was self funding.
    Warmest, Kindred.
     
  5. Lirene

    Lirene Registered User

    Sep 15, 2019
    167
    I too am concerned for your welfare and I am in a similar situation. My OH has a number of serious health problems as well as dementia and ‘challenging behaviour’, as they call it, at times. He is in hospital but all concerned are having problems trying to find a nursing home who are willing to take him, as within their duty of care cannot guarantee to keep him safe at night behind closed doors without 1 to 1, which of course is a funding problem.
    After trying to cope for years, and the hospital telling me they ‘don’t know how I did it’, and that it would not be safe for him to be at home, I am getting assistance with hopefully finding somewhere who can look after him and fighting for funding.
    My advice is, you cannot cope, things will get worse you need help and ask for it. You must fight for everything and if you feel something is not right you must speak up. Make daily notes of everything your OH says and does, you will need these at some stage.
    It is taking a team to look after my OH and a team to look after yours. We are only one person!
    My thoughts, blessings and prayers xx
     
  6. ebas

    ebas Registered User

    Aug 8, 2019
    71
    Thank you all for your replies.I have been making daily notes since November 1st.I took a print out of it to the hospital today.Thats just 1 of the many things I have learnt from this forum.He has only got enough money to be self funding for 3months.
     
  7. ebas

    ebas Registered User

    Aug 8, 2019
    71
    A psychiatrist at the hospital phoned me last Friday & asked me to go & see him.He has prescribed Risperidone. Yesterday my OH was transferred to the local Community Hospital.When I went to see him today he was agitated,all he was bothered about was that he couldn't remember where he had parked the car.He hasn't had a car for nearly 4 years. His bed had been stripped.The nurse told me he had thrown 2 cups of water all over the sheets & they wouldn't make it until later.Will go & see him tomorrow & then have a couple of days off.Does anyone know how long it will take for the Risperidone to kick in as I would really like him to calm down more before he comes home?
     
  8. Vic10

    Vic10 Registered User

    Feb 18, 2017
    86
    My OH was put on Risperidone at the end of January following a period of delusions and anger, (he has never been an angry person).
    I would suggest the medication started to work within a few days, however, it took probably 6 to 8 weeks to achieve its full potential, the delusions stopped quickly but the anger gradually decreased. Since then he has be calm, quiet and sleepy. Hope it works well for your OH.
     
  9. ebas

    ebas Registered User

    Aug 8, 2019
    71
    Thanks for your reply.I know medication doesn't work the same on everybody but it has given me some hope for the future.I was beginning to think I wouldn't cope with him at home.
     
  10. Vic10

    Vic10 Registered User

    Feb 18, 2017
    86
    Thinking of you. I remember my panicked post on here the day my OH was prescribed the medication asking just the same question. I know just how you feel. Take care.
     
  11. ebas

    ebas Registered User

    Aug 8, 2019
    71
    My OH is still in the community hospital.He has still been causing problems some nights.I have been to see him today & he looks a lot better.He is still wearing a catheter due to urinary retention.I was told a DOLS has been put in place.No other information has been given to me yet.Does anyone know if I have to speak to a social worker or a psychiatrist before he is discharged from hospital?Although I would like him to come home I don't know if I can cope with him with a catheter in as he has been pulling it out.I know this sounds awful but part of me hopes they won't send him home just yet.
     
  12. Roseleigh

    Roseleigh Registered User

    Dec 26, 2016
    291
    Do not agree to take him home. I have just been through a very similar experience to you with my husband agitated, raging and violent (though he never hit me he damaged property and grabbed me and others causing bruising) and very restless including at night. He has been put on Resperidone too, and Lorazepan. When people get like this it's too much for one carer 24/7 as you can't find care homes who will take PWDs with challenging behaviour for respite. Mine has now been admitted to a psycho geriatric ward, to stabilise him, and they have said that on discharge they will help me to find a care home that can cope with difficult behaviour.

    Given the additional issue of the cathater too in your case you cannot be expected to cope. He may, like mine has, need admission to a suitable hospital while they adjust his medication to pacify him, or he may be able to go straight to a care home.
     
  13. Roseleigh

    Roseleigh Registered User

    Dec 26, 2016
    291
    I absolutely agree with you. I had enormous difficulty getting him admitted to the psycho geriatric hospital although every nursing home refused him and I was exhausted and had been desperate for a break for months.
    It really is a job for professionals who work a shift then can walk away, not one tired slave doing 24/7 coping with a large strong irrational toddler.
    You've got to not let pride make you put on a brave face (as we've been doing so long it's become our 'normal') but admit to struggling - they don't make it easy.
     
  14. ebas

    ebas Registered User

    Aug 8, 2019
    71
    Thank you.I will see what today brings
     
  15. ebas

    ebas Registered User

    Aug 8, 2019
    71
    Had a missed phone call this morning.I assume it was from the hospital & they haven't rang me back.Not going to the hospital to day as it seems to upset him.Will go tomorrow & take him a load of clean clothes & some goodies. Doesn't look like they will be sending him home before Xmas.He won't be happy tomorrow but I will blame the doctor
     
  16. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Volunteer Host

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,660
    Nottinghamshire
    Yes. Blame the doctor! I hope you’ll get a peaceful Christmas @ebas
     
  17. ebas

    ebas Registered User

    Aug 8, 2019
    71
    My OH is coming home tomorrow.Have been to the hospital today to see how to empty a catheter.This is going to be long term
    At night he is going to take Mirtazapine 15mg 1 tablet, Risperidone 0.5mg half a tablet & Lorazepam.I have been told he can take up to 2mg a day i.e. 0.5mg every 6hours of Lorazepam as & when required.When I visited him today he was verbally abusive & I found out he hadn't been given any Lorazepam at all today.I am thinking of giving him the full dosage when he comes home
    If he starts to get abusive again do I ring 111 or ring 999?.Would appreciate any thoughts on this
     
  18. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    982
    Female
    cornwall
    Myself if he starts getting aggressive it would be 999!
     
  19. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,584
    Merseyside
    I’d ring 999 if he’s aggressive.
     
  20. ebas

    ebas Registered User

    Aug 8, 2019
    71
    Thanks. I have sent an email to the doctors surgery voicing my concerns.I thought it would be better to get things in writing in case I do have problems
     

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