1. Q&A: Looking after yourself as a carer - Friday 25 January, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of that person will often come before your own, and this can mean that you don't always look after yourself.

    However, it's important for both you and the person you care for. But how do you do that properly?

    Our next expert Q&A will be on looking after yourself as a carer. It will be hosted by Angelo from our Knowledge Services team, who focuses on wellbeing. He'll be answering your questions on Friday 25 January between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

Obsessive friendship

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Talking Point' started by B18, Nov 10, 2018.

  1. B18

    B18 Registered User

    Apr 16, 2017
    My mum is in a nursing home and has struck up a friendship with a male resident. She thinks he's her late husband. She gets aggressive and upset when parted from him. Has anyone else experienced this and how do you deal with it?
  2. Louise7

    Louise7 Registered User

    Mar 25, 2016
    It can be quite common for those with dementia to think that others are their wife/husband. You refer to your Mum getting aggressive/upset 'when parted from him'. Is this just at night time, or are attempts being made to separate them during the day? Have you spoken to the nursing home staff, as they should be able to put various strategies in place to deal with this effectively if it is causing problems.
  3. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    My dad had continuous attention from another chap in his NH which developed swiftly into inappropriate touching from this other resident who thought dad was his partner. I discussed my growing concerns with carer and nursing staff and then the manager and put my concerns in writing. It was dealt with as a safeguarding issue for dad...monitoring and intervention did not bring a satisfactory resolution and the chap was moved to another floor. The chap was obsessed with dad only and no further problems were evident for other residents either before he was moved or after. So perhaps speak to staff as a matter of urgency. These things will happen in a care setting but they should have strategies to help deal with it.
  4. B18

    B18 Registered User

    Apr 16, 2017
  5. B18

    B18 Registered User

    Apr 16, 2017
    Yes, we've spoken to the nursing staff. I think they are trying to keep them separate when they can.
  6. LynneMcV

    LynneMcV Volunteer Moderator

    May 9, 2012
    south-east London
    Relationships can get very muddled as dementia progresses - and it is disconcerting to witness at times.

    The first time my husband went into a secure unit he became close to a female patient. He didn't think they were married as such (he knew I was his wife but thought we might have divorced). The two of them had a noticeable closeness (purely childlike) and used to communicate in what seemed like a secret language mixed in with telepathy. They were happy in each other's company but the lady could become upset if I led him away anywhere when visiting.

    Earlier this year my husband had to return to a secure unit. During his time there I saw a lovely lady who was convinced that another female patient was her niece and she wouldn't let her out of her sight and became quite upset if staff tried to gently separate them for any reason, whether it be sleep; medical care or an outing.

    Eventually the 'niece' left the unit and the distraught lady latched on to my husband , insisting that he was her son. I can tell you that she made quite a formidable mother and mother-in-law! The staff were brilliant at keeping tensions down both when I was visiting and when I had left.

    Easier said than done, I know, but try not to worry. Confused relationships are certainly something that staff at the care home will have come across before and they will have strategies to keep the situation under control.

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