1. mabbs

    mabbs Registered User

    Dec 1, 2014
    238
    Lancashire
    Struggling to cope

    for weeks phil has had a day where he sits and glares says NO to everything and swearing at me. Now its escalating to every other day, and sometimes every day, we had a lovely morning at the dementia cafe, he ate his lunch we walked the dog, came back had a drink, and he dozed off, when he woke up, he was glaring and then pacing about, whats wrong, got a p**s off, and he has been the same since, pushed his dinner away, so wont eat, wont have a drink, now he has taken himself upstairs, and is lying on the bed, if I go up he will tell me o p**s off again, or worse. I am going to see consultant tomorrow ref MRI results, my son is coming with us, I have asked for time alone with consultant ( and my son). For years he used to be like this, I would do or say something, and he would go into a sulk, and not speak for days, I thought that was over years ago, I dont know if I can take it all over again. I spend so much time in tears, and walking on eggshells, I just dont know what to do, I dont have a life anymore. :confused:
     
  2. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    5,725
    North Somerset
    So sorry to read your thread. My OH was like this too, particularly when tired and sundowning. Hope the consultant can help, perhaps with some medication. Fred was and still is on Citalapram which they used as a mood stabiliser but must say it didn't make much difference as the illness progressed. However, the staff at his CH must think it does as it has never been discontinued.
     
  3. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    2,635
    Kent
    Hello mabbs feel for you so much, l have had a really bad time for many years, what makes us carry on, l do not know, l need to put my hubby into care but still thinking about it, l know l must do it, so hard to make a discision.
     
  4. Bamboozled

    Bamboozled Registered User

    Nov 8, 2012
    36
    Wiltshire
    Does anyone one have a husband with obsessive handkerchiefs or pieces of toilet paper? Driving me mad
     
  5. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    11,282
    Female
    near Folkestone
    Oh Pam, I am sorry to hear that ! We all will get to that time where we just can't manage the daily struggle anymore bless. There are plenty of staff in a CH who can make sure hubby is safe and well cared for and can deal with aggression and all the other difficult traits in dementia. It is a difficult decision but you have cared so lovely for your husband all these years my lovely and maybe now it's time for the professionals to take over?! Thinking of you xxxxx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  6. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    2,635
    Kent
    Thank Heike for your kind words, l am getting so much lecturing from family and friends, l don't know what to do!!! How are you? the weather is lovely l have been working in my garden, hubby sat in doors all day yesterday would not come outside, at least l had some me time
     
  7. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    11,282
    Female
    near Folkestone
    Pam you have to do what you feel is right! Go with your instincts as you know hubby best . We all understand how difficult it is and as always we are right behind you and supportive xxxx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  8. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    5,725
    North Somerset
    Just jumping in to send you all a big hug for today. Hope you get some comfort as I know exactly what you are going through. xx
     
  9. mabbs

    mabbs Registered User

    Dec 1, 2014
    238
    Lancashire
    thanks

    Thank you everyone who responded, the consultant visit was awful, in the sense that I was hoping for something tangable, after the MRI, but all I got basically was he has brain shrinkage, nothing concrete found, not normal az or parkinsons symptoms. He is to come off his meds for 2 weeks in case the meds are making him worse, and after that they may try a different medication for az that is farther advanced. But they have suggested daycare to help me, they are chasing SS to get an assessment done, I wont hold my breath. He was bad this morning, not with it at al, but at least son and I could talk to consultant on own for a bit, and they could see what he is like, though they have said aggresive behaviour is probably a throwback to how he was years ago, - great - oh well on we go, another day, one day at a time, trouble is he might forget, but I am still waiting for the next outburst, it might not come, but I am still nervously waiting.

    Anyway wishing all good days, and thanks again for the hugs and kind words xx
     
  10. Maymab

    Maymab Registered User

    Oct 8, 2013
    214
    Staffs
    Hi Bamboozled. Noticed you haven't had any replies yet. My husband also collects tissues and toilet paper and puts them in his trouser pockets. I learned the hard way not to forget to check pockets before washing trousers!.
    Oh those awful white bits of fluff that won't come off. I have gone through a lot of sticky paper rollers.
    Have you read John Suchets book about his wife's dementia? She had the same habit and constantly shredded the tissues. At least my husband kept them in his pocket!

    Sent from my Nexus 7 using Talking Point mobile app
     
  11. Bamboozled

    Bamboozled Registered User

    Nov 8, 2012
    36
    Wiltshire
    Thanks for that. Toilet paper not just in pockets on coffee table and all sorts of strange places. Handkerchief obsession is to sit straightening out edge of hankies all ways round time and time again. Try to block it out but even out of corner of eye driving me mad!
     
  12. Maymab

    Maymab Registered User

    Oct 8, 2013
    214
    Staffs
    Yes I can imagine. Very frustrating, isn't it?You have my sympathy.

    Sent from my Nexus 7 using Talking Point mobile app
     
  13. mabbs

    mabbs Registered User

    Dec 1, 2014
    238
    Lancashire
    My Phil also straightens and then folds into a sort of concertina his hankies, he also has to find just the right place to blow his nose, it used to annoy me too, he is not doing it so much lately, so perhaps its one of those short lived obsessions.
     
  14. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,815
    UK
    Mum would go through 2 boxes of tissues a day, folding putting them in her handbag, pockets, fire. Often find piles of them under her bed. Lately she has turned to napkins. My sister told me that years ago my grandmother used to wrap unused tea bags in tissues and then put in the bin.
     
  15. Bamboozled

    Bamboozled Registered User

    Nov 8, 2012
    36
    Wiltshire
    Just been getting worse and worse so do u think he might stop?
     
  16. mabbs

    mabbs Registered User

    Dec 1, 2014
    238
    Lancashire
    its possible, the folding has definitely decreased quite a lot, however he has a dripping nose ( A LOT) so I grab a tissue and get him to blow his nose, so the hankies are not used so much. Try not to let it get to you, its difficult I know Phils moved on to checking and rechecking door are locked, the first couple of weeks it was every 10 - a5 mins but its also tailing off, he still does it but no where near as often, I thought I would go mad in the beginning, it was SOooo irritating, and sometimes I could scream, but most days I ignore it now. Stay strong, :)
     
  17. Maymab

    Maymab Registered User

    Oct 8, 2013
    214
    Staffs
    It's very difficult I know, but your best plan would be to try to ignore it. Take yourself out of the room if you can, practise relaxation, or anything else you can think of. Remember it is not his fault and it could easily be something much worse. Hope things improve soon.

    Sent from my Nexus 7 using Talking Point mobile app
     
  18. mabbs

    mabbs Registered User

    Dec 1, 2014
    238
    Lancashire
    worse day ever

    yesterday hubby just out of the blue, punched me, I took 4 blows and then legged it, with my phone, I rang the memory service, who rang the police, who turned up sirens wailing to find me sobbing and hubby out in garden, they phoned for an ambulance and about 30mins later having managed to get him out of the hen house, where he had retreated, and a lot of shouting NO at them, he was popped into an ambulance and off we went to A&E with a policeman for safety on the journey. They wanted to know did I want him arrested, of course not, he needs help and so do I, we spent over 6 hours there, he had blood tests, urine tested, and blood pressure ecg the works, all with long bouts of waiting. Finally to be told nothing wrong medically (how suprising) they gave him some sort of tranquiliser and sent us home, with the promise of Social being contacted to get emergency help.

    Today I had a call from memory service-was I ok, how is Phil, suggest you call social, asked her to contact consultant, but she couldn't do that till later today, and then I get a phone message to say she was going home and would be in contact tomorrow, so assume she might have spoken to consultant. My son rang social on my behalf, and explained everything, so now we are referred to the Early intervention team, and they will be in touch in a week or so. So much for emergency help. The suggestion is possible day care, which might help me because it will give me a break, but its not going to do anything about the violence, the aricept was stopped a week ago because of aggression (among other things) and for a few days he was actually better, managed to interact, was finding words, seemed so much better, then, violence, he has always been argumentative and a bit aggressive but never hit me before, I was so frightened.
    Has anyone else experienced this problem, and what help did you get, I cant see day care will do anything apart from giving me a break.
     
  19. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    5,725
    North Somerset
    So sorry to read your post, mabbs. Luckily I was never in that situation but I know a lot of people are and you will get much needed advice from here.
     
  20. Tara62

    Tara62 Registered User

    Yes, I'm sorry to read your post too, Mabbs.

    My mum hit me a few times (she used to attack me with her walking stick), and the only hopeful thing I can say is that this behaviour was rare, it never became a huge problem and it did stop after a couple of years.
     

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