1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

Obsessional delusions

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Debs42, Jul 21, 2015.

  1. Debs42

    Debs42 Registered User

    Jan 27, 2013
    31
    My husband has not had a diagnosis, but I and other family members are convinced that he is in the early stages of some form of dementia. It is evidenced by all the usual memory loss problems and confusions, difficulty in understanding new things, or organising his life. Recently he has developed an obsession, which is total consuming him and I can find now way of coaxing him out of it. He believes that the local council have deliberately diverted the stream which runs at the bottom of our garden, into the roadside drainage, with the result that it is silting up and becoming stagnant. Apart from the fact that he has the whole problem completely out of proportion - he says it is ruining his life, he is irrational about it. The council representatives he has spoken to have tried to explain what is really causing the problem, but he is incapable of even hearing them, never mind accepting their explanations. This is the case even when they explain that if what he says has been done had actually happened it would mean that water would be flowing uphill. He will not countenance any other explanation and becomes very angry when anyone disputes what he says (especially me). It is affecting both our lives - he won't sleep and is constantly going on and on about it, getting angrier and angrier, and is becoming very disturbed.
    Is there any way I can deal with this to calm him down or to make him see that it really isn't worth making himself ill about.
    We have an appointment at the GP later this week for him to have a memory test, but he doesn't believe there is anything wrong with him, and will almost certainly put on an act when we go there.
    Please help.
    Deborah
     
  2. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,668
    Salford
    Hi Debs, welcome to TP
    Now that the ball is rolling with the doctors appointment I can only wish you the best of luck, however, doctors aren't unfamiliar with the situation of denial so you might want to ask the doctor on the way out if you can make an appointment to see them again. It's almost impossible to tell your side of the story with your partner there so by asking the doctor for the appointment suggests "there's more to this than meets the eye". I doubt you can tell your half of the story with your partner there so leave the doctor in doubt as to his/her thinking until after they've seen you later and alone.
    K
     
  3. Debs42

    Debs42 Registered User

    Jan 27, 2013
    31
    Thanks - good advice. It's good to know someone is out there listening to me. I have seen the doctor myself, and managed to initiate the appointment, but you are right, they cannot act on what I say but have to test him and hear what he has to say. I am hoping I can explain some of the things that happen - at least sufficient to enable the doctor to refer him for further investigation.
     
  4. Ann Mac

    Ann Mac Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013
    3,699
    It might be helpful if you can write out for the GP an account of the issues and your worries, and perhaps drop it at the surgery prior to the appointment, so the GP has chance to read it. Explain that the letter is because your OH gets very upset should he feel anyone is disagreeing with him, that your OH denies that there are any issues and that it could cause him great upset, which will impact on you if you explain everything to the GP in front of him. That way the Doctor will have your input and you won't be fretting that he doesn't have the full story xxxx
     
  5. Onlyme

    Onlyme Registered User

    Apr 5, 2010
    4,999
    UK
    Mum put a really good face on for the doctor. I sent the Dr a list of recent events in bullet point style and included details of Mum's latest paranoia. The Dr spoke to her and all was well until Dr mentioned the trigger for her paranoia at which point Mum couldn't keep up her facade and spent a few agitated minutes telling the Dr some impossible stuff.
     
  6. lizzybean

    lizzybean Registered User

    Feb 3, 2014
    1,398
    Lancashire
    Is it possible to have a telephone consultation with gp before hand?
     
  7. 1mindy

    1mindy Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    539
    Female
    Shropshire
    I have been in exactly your position. The family knew there were problems but my husband kept making doctors appointments then cancelling them this went on for about 18 months. Eventually he kept an appointment and was referred to the community mental health and the hospital for scans. Scans done the community mental health came to see him and I and explained he had dementia with changes in the brain suggestive of Alzheimers. This is about 4 years ago. Now I no longer work because he called me so frequently about the weather road conditions to be careful driving etc that it was obvious that the stress of this worry was too much for him. I am still convinced that if someone met him for a short period they would not see anything ( maybe Im delusional ) You need to take the letter to the Dr prior to the appointment so they have your view as this will not be heard at the time of the appointment . When /if you get to the mental health team you still need to do the same as it is impossible to say what you think at the time if you are like me you cannot say it in front of your huband .
    Now we are at the stage where he is convinced that my son and I are trying to steal everything from him and is not rational at all and gets very angry with me over things as I am telling lies. So things may not get anybetter than they are now but as a friend said to me I am amazing in my handling of it. As I said what choice do I have. Unless he leaves me and goes back to his home town on his own as he threatens to do almost every day.
    Not easy but a good family support network will help. :)
     
  8. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    Debs, this is all too familiar to me; but our case happened before the dementia properly set in.

    Are there copies of any letters your hubby might have written, (if, indeed, he ever did), and can you get these before the doctor on a 1+1 meeting between yourself alone and the doc?

    As has already been said; you need a personal discussion without your loved one being in the room. I hope your GP is sympathetic and can point you in the right direction.

    The answer to the obsessional thing is sadly, a resounding no. My hubby had a few different delusions/obsessions that stuck with him throughout the whole time I was caring for him. There might be something the doctor can prescribe to head off the fear your loved one is feeling. Without that type of help, the obsession will probably just go on for an indefinite length of time.

    Chat with your GP and try to get an appt. of your own, and talk things over. Whenever you need, come here and get it all off your chest.
     
  9. Debs42

    Debs42 Registered User

    Jan 27, 2013
    31
    Thanks for all the ideas

    Thanks to everyone who has responded to this. I took up the suggestion about writing a letter to the GP. it worked a treat! My husband went for the memory test and his score, added to the comments I had made in my letter, were enough to get us a referral. I have been contacted direct by the mental health team at the hospital and they were really helpfu - I can now ring them whenever I need to. We have been given an appointment in 2 weeks time, when the nurse and a doctor will come to our home.
    It seems the delusions may be a psychosis. I am learning how to deal with it, which is by not trying to tell him he is wrong, but just going Long with what he says, without actually encouraging him - not easy!

    Thanks again to all of you.
     
  10. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    Psychosis - a horrible thought, but probably correct. If you now have ears to hear you; get all the advice and help you can to help you in the long run. Brilliant news about the MHT.
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.