Obsession with a friend

[artyfarty]

My mum is becoming increasingly obsessed with a friend of hers. The woman (who I'll call Dot) and my mum have been friends for nearly 30 years. Dot has been fantastic since mum has been ill - mum had breast cancer before she was diagnosed with AD - and Dot has chipped in and taken her to hospital and doctors appointments and recently has been taking her out to the cinema/theatre/meals out regularly.

In the last month or two, my mum has been saying every day 'I want to see Dot' and taking herself off round there and just turning up on the doorstep. I cannot persuade her that she shouldn't keep turning up unannounced and she also can't remember that she has seen her the day before.

Dot has been a fantastic friend to my mum and I am concerned that mum turning up whenever she feels like it is getting a bit much for her. It's not fair to her and I feel guilty that I can't control my mums behaviour. I've organised lots of things to keep mum busy in the week, hoping she would be distracted enough by other activities but she seems to be indefatigable!

Dot hasn't mentioned this as a problem (we talk fairly regularly) but I am now thinking that I should bring it up with her - I don't know if she doesn't see this as a problem as yet or if she might be too embarrassed to mention it to me. Has anyone else dealt with this type of issue? What did you do? And do you think I should have a word with Dot?

 

[rajahh]

I have never had this problem but I do think you may be right that Dot is too embarrassed to say anything.

I think the correct thing to do is for you to approach her and see how she feels. Even if she is fine at the moment, it will give her the " open door" to tell you if and when she gets overwhelmed by the visits

Jeannette

 

[Noorza]

Dot sounds fantastic, I'd definitely have a chat with her, I am sure you bringing the subject up will be a huge relief to her. You can both come up with strategies such as if she is not ready to see your Mum then she doesn't answer the door or whatever else would work.

 

[jeany123]

Dot sounds like a true friend, she might not mind your mum doing this and enjoy her company,you never know,
it would be a good idea to mention it to her and see what she says

 

[artyfarty]

Thanks all - I think I will ring her and have a chat. She's been brilliant and I don't want her to have any stress from my mum so best to head it off at the pass if I can.