Obsessed with males genitals....embarrassing my son

[Janey russ]

Is this something that happens often with dementia...my mother seems to be fixating on my sons penis and is continually asking me and him if he needs to be circumcised. She makes up stories that he us holding himself and tells that he us sore. She keeps asking my 14 year old inappropriate questions... Going into quite graphic detail
She has now decided that his best friend who is also 14 has bladder problems and keeps asking him if he has wet himself and does he need to see the doctor. I keep playing if down but it is becoming very embarrassing for my son.
Advice please..

 

[AlsoConfused]

ideas good in theory often don't work as well as one hopes but ...

Have you taught your son how to distract your Mum when she gets onto topics he doesn't like? It would help if you could role-play with him how to "switch" her.

I assume you've already explained this behaviour is another sad result of your Mum's disease; also that you've tried to find out how your son feels about it and how he explains it to his friend.

Can your son and friend just walk away when your Mum starts to fixate like this? Being left on her own when she raises this subject might get her to amend her behaviour.

Good luck. This is so sad for everyone.

 

[meme]

I think the boy needs to be given the ok to 1) ignore these questions and not answer and 2) walk away when it starts....dementia aside no teenager should have to put up with this fixation constantly and needs a get out...plus a chat with you on how unreal the whole thing is etc etc

 

[Jessbow]

Bless him, poor kid!

Just remind him from time to time how nice his friends are , that they will still come round despite Granny's 'topic'.

Difficult for any teenager,let alone his mates!

 

[2jays]

My son was medically circumcised when a toddler

Mum fixated on sons circumcision when my son was a teenager

(In her early stages, after a time in intensive care, mum came to live with us. )

Eventually my son just walked away when she started on discussing it.

This made her very angry and frustrated so she started to verbally attack him, blaming him for everything wrong with her life. He could do no right. He can still do no right in her eyes, she has fixated her anger at him, even now.... so he doesn't visit her anymore.

Her whole attitude towards my son was destroying him. This was one of the reasons why we agreed my mum should move back to her home 200 miles away with Carers. We innocently thought at that time she would be able to manage... We had to eventually move her into residential care as it was obvious she couldn't.


Sorry, I'm not sure my post is helpful to you.

 

[Nebiroth]

If your son is able to understand that inappropriate behavior is a normal part of dementia for some people suffering from it and is able to either ignore this fixation, is able to distract his grandmother from the subject or is able to walk away and thus no longer upset then that is possible.

If it is not possible then I am afraid the only thing to do is to reduce or stop his their contact or ensure it only happens under supervision.

No child, even a relatively mature one of 14, should have to be subjected to what must be an excrutiatingly embarassing situation. This is the very age where one is between the frank innocence of a young child, who would think nothing of talking about such things, and the maturity of an adult who has experience and self-security to deal with it rationally.

A teenager is probably just about ready to die of embarassment and wishing the ground would open up and swallow him when his grandmother, of all people, starts discussing such intimate matters. Most teenagers find the fact that their parents, let alone grandparents, are sexual beings horrifying in the extreme.

And it is all made much worse by the fact that your son's friend is also now being the subject of these unwanted attentions. If I were their parents and heard tales of this sort of thing I would be very concerned indeed, espescially if I did not know the facts.

I don't wish to sound blunt, but I think in this case, your son needs his parents to step in and stop this.

 

[Chemmy]

I have to agree with Nebiroth that your son's friend should not be exposed to this behaviour. If it was an elderly man making such comments to a 14 year old girl, even making allowances for dementia, I don't think it would be tolerated and boys that age are just as sensitive as girls to personal comments.

As for your son, perhaps he should be given the opportunity to reduce contact with his grandmother without judgement if he so chooses?

My grandfather lived with us for about 8 years and I can clearly remember when I was about 15 being told that I was not allowed to go into his bedroom again (to take him a cuppa or whatever) as Mum had found him sitting in his chair, naked from the waist down. I didn't need telling twice. I also got to the stage of locking my bedroom door as he used to freak me out by opening it in the middle of the night trying to find his way back to his bedroom. Forty five years ago, but those memories are not very pleasant but still very clear.

 

[Mumsmum]

My mum says or starts to say unsuitable things, but I clearly tell her to stop and why. She has a prolapse so has a vaginal pessary ring, and is obsessed with it,when it is being replaced, when was it last replaced, where is the next one etc, when she starts the questioning in front of my kids or hubby I stop her and say she must not talk about it as its not a suitable topic in front of them. She gets all petulant and huffy but it does stop her. I would never have done such a thing pre-dementia, but then again I would not have needed to!