Well I'm sure that you will be tired of some of my ramblings, and perhaps I ought not write in again after this in case you have no patience left. But who else have I got to say the things that are really bothering me ..that's why I use this forum. Mum was diagnosed with probable early stage dementia which took me a LONG time to come to terms with, as I thought the diagnosis was possibly wrong -even though I was the one who instigated all investigations because I knew she had serious problems. Then, without doubt, YES, I could see it all there. She does have this awful illness, plain to see (except to the rest of the family), and on we go. We have had a difficult past relationship, but I wish to care for her no matter what, and I do love her. This week, she has been bright and sharp, (which she can be from time to time), though still with a bad, almost non-existent memory, and still relying on me for running her life. I looked at her this evening as she was eating her meal, and as I was plating up tomorrow's meal (as well as some nice soup to eat in this cold weather), I wondered just what s going on here? Why can she not look after herself more? I have tried to only step in where required so as not to make her reliant before she need be, but she blatantly expects what is now in place, and treats it all as quite normal. She thanks me, I think she knows the pressure it puts on me, yet she seems powerless to do anyhting about it. I feel so depressed some nights now. It is as though she has said to herself, 'I can't be bothered anymore. Let 'Lulu' do it. It's not worth cooking or shopping for one now, and she won't mind'. STILL, I am seeing her as she's always been, and I can't distinguish between the two. Why does she sound so normal, and yet isn't? I'm told she is in the Moderate stage now. Is this normal for this stage? She has not taken her Aricept for 5 days now. She has just got better and better (but this is how she is. good one minute, a wreck the next), but the headache due to the headcold has persisited!! I want to scream tonight. Oh I'm so sorry ....is it me that is unusual? In fact, I'd like to RUN. I know she woldn't use me, but why do I feel like this when she's 'good', and I feel better when she's 'bad'. Ignore me if you want. I'll understand.