1. MollyD

    MollyD Registered User

    Mar 27, 2016
    1,696
    Ireland
    Aisling.

    It's very difficult to keep going with the twists and turns being sprung on you, not only in T's rapidly changing condition, but also not being informed of decisions in a timely way.


    Would it help to write down what you want for T in clear bullet points what you expect from the professionals etc as POA, along with putting down all your questions -- then present these at the next review?

    Have you a contact for the hospital SW. S/he is T's representative in hospital and it's their job to gather info from all the different strands for you. Otherwise you'll be speaking to anyone and everyone who might mistakenly misinform you. It's also one contact you can keep ringing and/or leave messages voicing your concerns.


    My heart goes out to you so much, you sound utterly shell-shocked.

    Please keep posting.

    Big hug x
     
  2. MollyD

    MollyD Registered User

    Mar 27, 2016
    1,696
    Ireland
    Hope you're ok, Aisling? X
     
  3. Aisling

    Aisling Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    1,807
    Ireland
    Update. Tribunal cancelled. Why? No need !! Why? Don't know! Is it because I Hold EPA ? What's that??

    Going to OH every day. I spend time daily observing him and interaction etc around him. Stayed in situ on Wed to see a doctor. Right. Same questions, story, history. Is my OH the biological father of our son? I didn't think of getting DNA tested.....!! I pushed for answers and he told me that they were monitoring meds with the view of getting him back to NH.

    Oh will not cooperate, angry and depressed. Have a meeting with psy next Tuesday. Took ages to get it but am like a dog with a bone! Have my notes,bullet points etc ready. Also my sister is attending with me.

    Am weary with this fight. T is deteriorating daily in this place. I can see it. Not eating, not drinking, upset, depressed. NH won't have him back if his behaviour does not improve. No place else for him except this psy unit where there is nothing for T. I know he will not survive here.

    Heavy cold and chest infection. SALT are coming in. Great!!

    He won't take antibiotics!! My niece goes in to give them to him. He will eat and drink for her too.

    Am so angry, rant, rant. Aggressive behaviour can be part of Alz. Plenty of research.

    I think the only option I will have is allow T to stay in unit. Over my dead body!!

    What the heck do I do?? Does NH really need to insist on daily showers? He has a problem with people in his space and reacts negatively.

    I know I am not making sense and am not proof reading this post.

    In my opinion, it appears that aggressive behaviour is not accepted despite assurance that NH is specialised in this area. Bring on the happy clappy face of Dementia.

    Cheers!!

    Aisling xx
     
  4. MollyD

    MollyD Registered User

    Mar 27, 2016
    1,696
    Ireland
    Aisling, so so sorry T is struggling on psych ward. I do hope the meeting brings some clarity, it's so difficult when you're scrabbling for info and getting it piecemeal.

    It's a great idea to bring your sister to the meeting, two heads and all. And one can jot notes while the other is speaking/asking questions.

    Re the NH. Are the daily showers a big contributing factor to T's distress? If so, could you set a meeting with them outlining things you feel would go someways toward helping him settle (while his meds are being currently monitored on the psych ward). It's excessive and unnecessary showering the poor man daily if it causes such upset for him.

    You might also go over with them *what* they said they could manage, it sounds as though they are back tracking a bit. If that's the case they need to explain exactly how, where and why they can't cope. For example you mentioned male staff before, that T responded well to them. Can they leave showering day till there is a male member of staff on?

    All this is exhausting for you, and so heart breakingly worrying. Wish I could really help rather than just writing suggestions. I know how wearing trying to follow things up is in the middle of a crisis.

    It's a relief that T eats and drinks for your niece, at least.

    Is staying on the unit the only other option? In the worst case scenario if his current NH won't take T back into their care, are there other Homes nearby which can provide the care T needs?

    Anyway, all this is easy to write not easy to live through.

    Really just want to send support. Please keep posting. Don't bottle it up.Xxx
     
  5. Lavender45

    Lavender45 Registered User

    Jun 7, 2015
    1,598
    Liverpool
    #545 Lavender45, Jan 27, 2017
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2017
    I'm conscious that I've no experience and can offer no advice, but I can read and at least think I can understand just a bit how hard all of this is for T and you.

    Molly is right it is better to release some of the emotions, there are lots of us here who look out for your posts and always have a look to we how you are. Hope it's a tiny comfort to know there are lots of us Talking Pointers who care about both of you. X
     
  6. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,510
    Ireland
    No advice either Aisling. Definitely take someone with you to meeting if you can though. Two heads are better than one.

    Sent from my Moto G Play using Talking Point mobile app
     
  7. Aisling

    Aisling Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    1,807
    Ireland
    Thanks Molly, will add your points to my list. I believe this all escalated while I was sick and unable to visit T. T needs help with Personal hygiene and he fights against this all the time. He doesn't like women anywhere near him. When charge person phoned me it was awful the way she described T and his room plus decision made to send him to psyc unit in hospital. How dare she? He is ill. I am totally dumbfounded by this development. Have been so shocked and should have been more assertive. Yes they are back stepping. The first question to ask now is where can T get the care he needs and that he has aggressive issues that are part of his disease. Yes as we all know this is a disease not a behavioural problem or a condition.

    I wonder do people get my weird sense of humour? Eg ref to DNA testing in earlier post.

    No need at all for daily showers. Way into the future humans may have lost necessary skin oils from all this excessive washing !!

    Thanks for always getting back to me.

    Aisling xx
     
  8. HillyBilly

    HillyBilly Registered User

    Dec 21, 2015
    1,948
    Ireland
    #548 HillyBilly, Jan 27, 2017
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2017
    Aisling I have no advice that can be of any practical use to you either, I so wish I did. Please try and look after yourself too, you're so stressed.

    IMHO daily showers are not necessary at all, no. Jeez I don't have a shower daily! Is that a trigger factor for T? Surely they can let that one slide in the NH? Have all meds aspects been investigated to try and find a happy medium?
     
  9. MollyD

    MollyD Registered User

    Mar 27, 2016
    1,696
    Ireland
    Aisling, ah, I did get the DNA crack. :D

    Felt I'd be dismissing your anger, being light myself. The bulk of your post shows the stress you're under.

    But...I'm always happy to have a snigger at your dry humour.

    Hope you sleep, missus. Xxx
     
  10. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,952
    Suffolk
    Hi Aisling, so sorry to read all this. No,T does not need daily showers unless doubly incontinent. Think back to childhood, showers weren't invented then! Bath, once a week!
    I do feel for you, but haven't been in your situation, so sending ((((hugs)))).
     
  11. Mammamu

    Mammamu Registered User

    Jan 10, 2017
    158
    Bucks
    Hi Aisling,
    No advice or tips sorry!
    Just want to say I share your "dumbfoundedness" regarding the behaviour problems.
    We are stuck, after 4 months of telling SW that the current ch can't handle FIL,she replied to me this Wednesday that now we had made a disclosure that they cannot manage him,she will meet with them & decided what to do next.... grrrr really? (Personally I think it's because I also added our MP to the email).
    I wish I could do anything/something to help you!!!
    Sending a hug.
    Mammamu [emoji202]


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  12. HillyBilly

    HillyBilly Registered User

    Dec 21, 2015
    1,948
    Ireland
    Does T's NH not have male carers?
     
  13. Aisling

    Aisling Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    1,807
    Ireland

    Yes male carers but for some unknown reason they don't seem to have some available everyday!! It has struck me that I need to make app with head of nursing home!! Have spoken to her on phone. Will do it after app with psy on Tuesday. Am amazed at my stupidity!! I excuse it by the unexpectiveness and shock at the developments.

    Aisling xx
     
  14. Aisling

    Aisling Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    1,807
    Ireland
    Thank you. Lord help you too. That's a good idea to get MP involved. T cannot continue to deteriorate. All guns blazing now!!

    Aisling xx
     
  15. Aisling

    Aisling Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    1,807
    Ireland

    That is lovely to read. Thank you very much.

    Aisling xx
     
  16. Aisling

    Aisling Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    1,807
    Ireland

    Thank you. I was worried that they could try to keep T in psyc unit.

    Aisling xx
     
  17. Aisling

    Aisling Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    1,807
    Ireland
    Thank you. It is great to have such support.

    Aisling xx
     
  18. Aisling

    Aisling Registered User

    Dec 5, 2015
    1,807
    Ireland

    T still has his room in NH. Now sitting in a corner in psyc unit. Deteriorating daily.We are with fair deal..... Sure there must be a NH somewhere ( over the rainbow) that can deal with behavioural problems !!

    Thanks for all the support from all of you.

    Aisling xx
     
  19. jorgieporgie

    jorgieporgie Registered User

    Mar 2, 2016
    1,985
    YORKSHIRE
    Sending huge support at this difficult time for you both. XX
     
  20. stanleypj

    stanleypj Registered User

    Dec 8, 2011
    10,650
    North West
    I'm so sorry about all you are having to deal with Aisling. I think it's always worrying anyway when there are difficulties in getting someone to eat and drink but you, in addition, have so many other things going on. You and T are in my thoughts.
     

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