Its been a while since i was here on TP, I have been busy moving to another country. I was my mums main carer and had been for 10 years, siblings took no part in my mums care and left me to it. I met a wonderful man 3 years ago who is from Belgium, i live in Ireland, I made the heartbreaking decision to move to be with him and decided to make my sisters and brother take some responsiblity. I moved last April and since then it has been a nightmare. They couldnt cope and paniced at every wee thing and made mountains out of mole hills. I go home every month to see my mum, and have seen a decline in her. Her last assessment she scored 11/30, three months before it was 15/30. She is on a steady decline now but is still brilliant for the length of tme she has had the disease. Anyway, I am at war with my sisters and have been since I left, they just want my mum put in a home and I just cant bare the thought of it. I truly believe it would be the end of her but they claim she needs 24 hour care. She is damn near getting it now at the moment but there is a few hours she is on her own but thankfully up until now she hasnt done anything to put herself in danger, i know there is always a possibility but i have always ran with a risk to give her her wish which was to remain at home. I own half of the house jointly with my mum and they have accused me of trying to keep mum at home so that i dont lose her half of the house to the local authorities. So at this point in time Solicitors are involved and my sisters have done so many underhand, dirty tricks that i refuse to even speak to them.
I have looked at nursing homes but it made me even more convinced that mum should and could remain at home for a while longer. I have accepted that it will eventually happen but i wanted it to be when she wouldnt have any idea where she was. So finally here comes my question/comment, Is it really the best thing to do for our loved ones or as carers do we tell ourselves its for the best to stop the feeling of guilt and knowing that it isnt the best for our loved ones? Lets face it, how many of us would want to be put in a nursing home? Other societies firmly believe that families should stick together and that the elderly should be looked after by the family and would never think of putting their elderly relative in a home. Is it that as a society we have convinced ourselves its the right thing to do so that we can live with our actions and get on with our own lives without the burden of looking after elderly sick parents?
I hope I am not going to offend anyone with this posting, to be honest I am trying to grapple with my own guilt and came up with this thought. I know in my heart that this is what my sisters are doing, they are convincing themselves they are doing the right thing because they really dont want to be bothered with my mum and ignoring the fact that it will destroy her.
i am now faced with some hard choices, go back to Ireland on my own (my husband to be is in the family business) to look after my mum, try somehow to bring her to Belgium or put her into a nursing home. I just dont think I could live with myself if I done that, but i also cant bear the thought of being without my wonderful man. I hate my life!!
i apologise again if i upset anyone with my comments, its not my intention. Part of me wants to believe its the best thing for my mum but in my heart i know the best thing for her is to be with me looking after her.
Thank you in advance for listening to my guilt ridden moan.
Tressa
I have looked at nursing homes but it made me even more convinced that mum should and could remain at home for a while longer. I have accepted that it will eventually happen but i wanted it to be when she wouldnt have any idea where she was. So finally here comes my question/comment, Is it really the best thing to do for our loved ones or as carers do we tell ourselves its for the best to stop the feeling of guilt and knowing that it isnt the best for our loved ones? Lets face it, how many of us would want to be put in a nursing home? Other societies firmly believe that families should stick together and that the elderly should be looked after by the family and would never think of putting their elderly relative in a home. Is it that as a society we have convinced ourselves its the right thing to do so that we can live with our actions and get on with our own lives without the burden of looking after elderly sick parents?
I hope I am not going to offend anyone with this posting, to be honest I am trying to grapple with my own guilt and came up with this thought. I know in my heart that this is what my sisters are doing, they are convincing themselves they are doing the right thing because they really dont want to be bothered with my mum and ignoring the fact that it will destroy her.
i am now faced with some hard choices, go back to Ireland on my own (my husband to be is in the family business) to look after my mum, try somehow to bring her to Belgium or put her into a nursing home. I just dont think I could live with myself if I done that, but i also cant bear the thought of being without my wonderful man. I hate my life!!
i apologise again if i upset anyone with my comments, its not my intention. Part of me wants to believe its the best thing for my mum but in my heart i know the best thing for her is to be with me looking after her.
Thank you in advance for listening to my guilt ridden moan.
Tressa