To cut a long story short my Mum had to go into a nursing home at the start of this year. She has had dementia for 20 years but she fell at the end of last year and can no longer walk. It was a difficult decision but my father is in his mid 80s and after dealing with the dementia for decades it came to the point that he felt he couldn’t cope with Mum in the family home. My dad and I looked around over 20 homes (we nearly had a breakdown with all the stress of it) and eventually she was accepted into a great home - but it was quite a distance a 1 ½ hour round trip there and back. Although the home was lovely – going there regularly would have become a problem esp if my Dad could no longer drive as there were no real bus/train services there. After about a month of being in this 1st home - a space became available in a home near my Dad so my Mum moved there. One thing that’s a problem though is the pressure they put on me regarding visiting. In the 1st home visiting was 24/7 – we had a code to get through the door and we were told we could visit at any time – Dad visited in the afternoons and I visited straight after work – between 6 and 7 p.m. The trouble is in this 2nd home they don’t like visitors after about 6/6.30 – which doesn’t affect my Dad but affects me as I don’t finish work until about 5.30-6 and then have to cross the city to visit Mum. In this 2nd home there’s a code pad to get in/out but only the staff have the code – so they have to manually let visitors in/out. We weren’t told this at all when we were in the process of moving mum there – nor was it in the “welcome pack” we were given. In fact no-one mentioned it until Mother’s day back in March when I went to visit Mum at about 6 p.m. (my normal time). When I phoned the manager the following day she said it was OK for me to be there after 6 p.m. as I worked full time. But when I went to see mum last Saturday the manager was there and she brought the topic up again. Tbh I’m sick of it. I keep telling them the times I finish work (I’ve even started to finish work earlier than normal so I’m not at the care home too late) and it takes me a while to cross the city to get there. When I visit Mum I try not to stay late - so I leave usually between about 6.30 and 6.45 which in my mind is a reasonable time. When the manger spoke to me on Saturday she said “Oh why don’t you come earlier on weekends” and also “If you have a day off work you can visit earlier” – but: a). My Dad visit my Mum in the afternoons so I don’t want to be there at the same time as mum will end up having all her visitors at once and then no-one later on b). I have loads of other things to do on weekends and days off as I work full time – I have to try and have some life of my own yet I now feel pressurised about going into the home as it’s more convenient for them I think this 2nd home has become rather “spoiled” as many of the visitors are retired or work part time so they can come in the day. I think the manager has also become slightly paranoid as, before my Mum went there, - a visitor left the home at around 6 or 6.30, found out the code and let themselves out (but also let a resident out at the same time). Obviously the police had to find the missing resident but the visitor who had done it denied doing it. I understand the manager’s concern about the same fiasco happening again but why make other visitors (and residents suffer) due to the stupidity of 1 person? I also feel offended as I’m an ex teacher and took my role seriously in looking after pupils so there’s no way I’d let a resident out (and wouldn’t let myself out either – although I don’t know the code). We moved mum to this 2nd home so we could spend more time there but, in regards to myself, I’m more restricted than before. Surely visiting between 6 and 7 p.m. isn’t too late? I also don’t know why we weren’t told of this before we moved my Mum – all other care homes seem to be more reasonable. Sorry it’s so long!!