Nursing home frustrations

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by jc141265, Feb 24, 2006.

  1. jc141265

    jc141265 Registered User

    Sep 16, 2005
    836
    Australia
    #1 jc141265, Feb 24, 2006
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2006
    This is a really long post, because again I am cutting and pasting from some correspondence I wrote. This time though it was a letter of complaint that I wrote to my Dad's home, but am yet to submit in any form. If anything I needed to vent, and if I am to submit it I think I will have to edit it, as I believe that when it is read in its present form, the sparks of anger almost bounce off the screen! :eek:

    Here tis'

    (Note: At my Dad's 'home' that don't call these complaints, they're called 'suggestions'... :cool: )

    There I had to get it out, out with the bad, in with the good... :eek:
     
  2. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    Sock it to them girl!

    Angry on your Dad's behalf, your behalf ...

    Don't change a word of it (once you've checked the grammar) unless it's more of the same.

    I do have one little suggestion, which I have used in the past on letters of complaint etc.
    At the bottom, under your signature "c.c. to R.S.& W."
    R.S.&W. are a completely imaginary firm of Solicitors, but I find seeing that sometimes put people on their toes.

    I hope things improve soon, for everyone's sake

    Regards
     
  3. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    1,342
    Homes

    Any chance of finding another home?

    The more I hear about homes the more reluctant I am to "put" my mother into one. But there must be those with good experiences too.

    Unfortunately there aren't any near enough for me to visit every day.
     
  4. jc141265

    jc141265 Registered User

    Sep 16, 2005
    836
    Australia
    When its time, you'll know

    Lila,

    Sad to say, with Dad it got to the point that where he is at, despite how bad it seems is the best place for him. There is a point when the care you provide at home (in combination with the way your loved one's condition effects you) can become inadequate. The sleep deprivation my father was causing, the sheer unhappiness and anxiety the lack of routine at home caused him, the confusion and fear the unpredictability of home life brought to him, meant that despite all of our not wanting him to have to live in a home, despite the fact that the care at residences is not all we want it to be, I have no hesitation in saying now that where he is living now is the best place for him....available.

    There is nothing better. Thats what I meant by the fact that as family, we have little power, we want the best for him, we just have to try to convince the homes that they need to provide even better care.

    I hear all the time how people don't want to put their loved one in a home, (nor did we either) but I have to say it is so important for people not to totally refuse to consider a home as an option, because terrible as it may seem, this place where my Dad gets left in dirty pants, is better for him than anywhere else he could be, at this point of his disease, and that means even better than if her were at home. You really need to consider the pros with the cons. Similarly I also see others who are put into homes, way before the pros outweigh the cons. Lastly there are those who just have to go into homes, there is no other option.

    When Dad was diagnosed with this disease he discussed the fact that one day he may need to live in a home instead of at home, with Mum. At the time, he told her that when it got to that point, she would know. That was all he said, for a long time we were angry with him for not being more specific, for not telling us whether he never wanted to live in a home, or that he didn't mind. But these days we realise he was right, when its time, you really do know.
     
  5. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    1,342
    Oh yes, I realise that for some there's no choice.
     
  6. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    I think the point Nat is making though is that even when there still is a choice between being cared for at home, and Nursing Home care, sometimes the Nursing Home is the right choice. It still doesn't make it an easy decision.
    Amy
     

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