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Nursing Home closed to all visitors.

Janderhol

Registered User
Aug 27, 2019
17
I understand your concerns. My husband is in a Nursing Home but fortunately they have set up a video link to enable contact. I am so grateful to the staff there as this enables me to see and speak with my husband most days. I was visiting every day so life is very different now. Wondering if this would be possible for you and your Mum?
 

katydid

Registered User
Oct 23, 2018
58
My OH nursing home is now closed to all none essential visitors. This includes all relatives. As my loved one is in hospital till Monday I get a couple more days able to see him. This visiting ban is going to be so difficult to handle as I and my daughters visit every day. I understand the reasons behind this decision but I feel this will be so hard to have to do it is just one more thing that will break my heart .All we can offer our life partners in their final months is reassurance ,comfort, company and our abounding love. Now I can't even do that.
I feel exactly the same. My husband has been in hospital for 10 weeks in November and December after a fractured hip in his first nursing home. And I was there helping to care for him every day then into a new nursing home. Lovely place
Marion Lauder House in Wythenshawe. Excellent Free visiting. Really pleasant, then Covid 19
Len was hospitalised for 12 days No visiting allowed, recovered, returned to a locked down Nursing Home
So still no visiting. I have not seen him now for 26 days
It is heartbreaking. He had some competencies when he went into first home, as a “convalescent home”. as we told him I promised I would visit very often
I can’t help feeling guilty. He will be lost and lonely. Probably now not knowing how time is passing as he is deteriorating faster now can’t mobilise double incontinent etc., but he does know when I am there and would hold my hand and nod when I say see you soon
I have spoken to him on the phone but as he cannot make himself understood , I could hear him struggling to reply........... I have never felt so bad. Why should a gentle man in every sense of the word have to suffer like this. A cure must be found.
catherine
 

katydid

Registered User
Oct 23, 2018
58
Hi all, Im in a similar position to many - my 91 year old mum's care home has been locked down for the last two weeks. Obviously a good thing to close the doors but I've been sick with worry every day. Hearing the news about what has happened in Spain makes my blood run cold. I cant stand the thought of not being with her if she got sick and not being able to say goodbye should the worst happen.

One thing I can recommend though is getting an Amazon Echo Show installed in your loved one's room. It has a 'drop in' feature which means that mum doesn't have to do anything to answer my video call (any technology baffles her) . I can literally just pop up on her screen any time using the app on my phone, as long as there is a wifi connection at the home. Obviously now with the lockdown you would need to reply on the staff to set it up. But it has been a godsend.

Good luck everyone.
That sound brilliant. I will see if my home will do it
Can you see them as well?
 

KiwiDotty

New member
Jan 17, 2020
4
My mothers nursing home closed to visitors 2 weeks ago. I believe a combination of this and the anxiety residents are feeling has caused so much stress hence change of behaviour with mum. Unfortunately her deterioration has resulted in behaviours which other residents are frightened of. My mother has now been told she has to move residence into a D4 dementia unit. I am so worried about the move as I can’t be there to help and smooth waters.
 

Chaplin

Registered User
May 24, 2015
70
Bristol
Mum's home had initially asked that family reduced non-essential visits but from Friday has stated that family should only visit if "absolutely essential", with all visits to be pre-arranged in advance with the manager - family members should not just turn up unannounced. So whilst they haven't gone as far as banning all visits I imagine that only something like an EOL visit would be considered "absolutely essential". They have said that they will arrange Skype calls if required and I'm hoping that they will let me drop off a Mother's day card in reception if I call and pre-arrange this. I'm not sure if a Skype call would confuse and upset Mum or if she would be OK, and am worried that she will forget me or worry where I am if she goes weeks/months without seeing me, but we'll just have to try to get through this as best we can as I'd rather she was protected as much as possible.
Hi Louise7, your post struck a chord or two with me. Just like you, my mum’s care home restricted family visits to two per resident last week but on Monday this week enforced a total ban on visits. Mum was still struggling to settle even though my dad visited her every morning with a visit from me or one of my siblings every afternoon/evening. I’ve cried buckets, lost lots of sleep but have to say after having a Skype call with her on Wednesday, she looked in good spirits and was as happy as I could have expected. Like you I worry she will forget us, the fact she forgets we’ve visited doesn’t soften the blow either!

My sister and I have discussed the ‘what if’ scenario too although not had the courage to ask the Care Home Manager that should the very worst happen, will we be allowed to spend time with mum. My parents will celebrate their 63rd anniversary on Monday so we are hoping to arrange another Skype call as mum opens her cards and gift from dad😘.

My advice to anyone in this situation, do give Skype a try, keep it short and only talk about topics you know will be engaging to your loved one, you might be pleasantly surprised and also reassured. Tracy
 

Louise7

Registered User
Mar 25, 2016
2,364
Hi Louise7, your post struck a chord or two with me. Just like you, my mum’s care home restricted family visits to two per resident last week but on Monday this week enforced a total ban on visits. Mum was still struggling to settle even though my dad visited her every morning with a visit from me or one of my siblings every afternoon/evening. I’ve cried buckets, lost lots of sleep but have to say after having a Skype call with her on Wednesday, she looked in good spirits and was as happy as I could have expected. Like you I worry she will forget us, the fact she forgets we’ve visited doesn’t soften the blow either!

My sister and I have discussed the ‘what if’ scenario too although not had the courage to ask the Care Home Manager that should the very worst happen, will we be allowed to spend time with mum. My parents will celebrate their 63rd anniversary on Monday so we are hoping to arrange another Skype call as mum opens her cards and gift from dad😘.

My advice to anyone in this situation, do give Skype a try, keep it short and only talk about topics you know will be engaging to your loved one, you might be pleasantly surprised and also reassured. Tracy
Hi Chaplin - I managed to speak to Mum via Whatsapp today and although she finds it difficult to communicate now she was happy and smiling and recognised my voice. I posted about it here: https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/made-my-week.121317/
 

PandA4T

Registered User
Aug 14, 2016
10
Oxfordshire
The Home my wife is in went into Lock-down on the 18th. I’ve visited her every day for the last two years. I held it together when told but had a weep in the car park. My first thoughts was like @Yardman was to bring her home, but in my case this is impossible. This is the longest I’ve ever been parted from my wife in 53 years.
An angel carers has made it bearable. She talked me through installing WhatsApp. I now get a photo almost every day, and the occasional video. Hopefully we may be able to set up a video link.
Its no substitute for holding her hand while I feed her but it helps. The other consolation is I do not think my wife knows me, so I’m sure I miss her more than she misses me.
I just hope we can both hold on long enough to see this through so we can walk into the sunset holding hands.
 

crazyone

Registered User
Dec 14, 2017
39
Where my 98 year old Dad is, they are asking for ideas to keep the residents occupied. Dad doesn't like music, is partially blind, and partially deaf, and is in a wheelchair. He gets things when you speak to him, but his memory is less than a minute. Any ideas anyone?
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,373
South coast
Did he used to do DIY? If so, go onto an online hardware shop and buy things like large nuts and bolts, penny washers, coat hook, plastic electrical switch, springy door stop, gate bolt, rawlplugs, paintbrush - use your imagination. Dont get things that could be used as a weapon (most tools) and dont get anything with sharp/pointy bits. Very realistic plastic tools can be got from A****n. Get a cheap plastic tool box (the sort with different compartments) and put the whole lot in. Lots of things to rummage through and perhaps trigger memories.
 

Lynn1bin

New member
Mar 8, 2018
3
I have also recently put my mum into care with mid stage alzeimers and no mobility through falls.

The care has not been 100% and I've had to keep on top of the way she needs looked after and that all her needs are being met.

I look at other local care home facebook pages of them all being happy and saying hello to thier loved ones on social media.
I have been asking my mum's care hime.. what thier pro ensure is to keeping in touch. They dont have anything in place. I asked them about Skype.. said they couldn't as it costs ( absolute lie) I suggested other forms if free contact.. wattsapp, FaceTime, facebook and Viber to still no successful outcome.

My mum has her own mobile and they tell me they have lost the charger.

I have saw my mum every single day for 10 year and I can't even speak to her.

I'll will wait another week then I will get back onto head office..

I think I'll be changing care homes after the virus is out the way as if there is another lockdown for any other reason, i dont think my mum or me would cope veey well..

Everyone take care of themselves and hopefully this is over with soon.

Hate the thought of anything happening to her when I've not saw or spoke to her in over 2 weeks. Take care everyone. X
 

Lynn1bin

New member
Mar 8, 2018
3
Welcome to DTP @Lynn1bin
That‘s so unhelpful of the home given current events. Please keep posting as you’ll get lots of support here.
Thank you so much.. she is still able to call me using her mobile, it's frustrating when they say.. her charger is lost ( she can't walk haha) a universal charger and out of all staff.. they don't have one.
 

Rosie7

Registered User
Oct 30, 2014
31
Hi
Dads home has been closed to visitors since the 17th of March. I last saw him on the 16th. The have set up a dedicated phone to his wing where I can make video class via what's app . This is so great I think I would go quite mad if I couldn't see him. Conversations are short. Its a bit like when Mum was alive he would answer very brief chat then over to mum. But the main thing is I can see him. I live near the home and usually took him out 4 times a week and was worried how he would cope with out this. However so far so good. His short term memory is pretty non existent and I think this may help. I am also sending him funny cards and notes and other family members are doing the same. I'm hoping if it arrives to drop a pin board in this week so he can have them up in his room. Has anyone got any other ideas.
I really feel for you if its your husband or wife you are unable to see. I also try not to worry about if Dad gets ill . One day at a time.
Best wishes to you all xx
 

Anndonna

New member
Mar 30, 2020
1
My husband of 54years is also in a nursing home, which is closed "until further notice". He suffers with Parkinsons and Lewy Body Dementia (advanced stages). I visited every day until hospitalised myself at the beginning of the year and was just getting back to a new normal when Covid 19 kicked in.

Although the nursing home were speaking of setting up Skype on certain days, this hasn't happened. My husband would not be able to understand, hear or respond. He us unlikely to even recognise me or our children due not only to the dementia but because he is 'registered blind' with only partial vision in one eye.

I feel at my wit's end.

Long story short..... Trust was eroded badly at this nursing home which resulted in one member of staff being dismissed and another severely reprimanded. We have had extreme problems with one senior nurse there. I won't embellish, but you get my drift... I have had to pick up regarding cleanliness, hygiene, hydration and nourishment to the point where I felt my husband was at risk.

After meetings with management problems have been addressed but nevertheless the worries remain. Trust, once or more broken, is not easily repaired.

Being unable to see my husband for 3 months, I fear that we may never see each other again. By not attempting to suggest some way in which I might be able to be with him or at least to help him, I feel that I'm letting this man I love with all my heart, letting him down very badly.

Please.... what are other people doing in a similar situation?
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
11,596
Merseyside
Welcome to DTP @Anndonna
I’m so sorry you can’t see or keep in touch with your husband. I wish you strength to get through this. Please keep posting as you’ll get lots of support here.
 

northumbrian_k

Registered User
Mar 2, 2017
1,037
Newcastle
My wife cannot use the telephone and past attempts at Skype have not been successful. I am certain that I miss her than she misses me. I am keeping in touch by speaking to staff over the phone and have delivered a letter full of pictures for my wife. If this keeps her and other residents safe all to the good.
 

Susan11

Registered User
Nov 18, 2018
2,414
,
My wife cannot use the telephone and past attempts at Skype have not been successful. I am certain that I miss her than she misses me. I am keeping in touch by speaking to staff over the phone and have delivered a letter full of pictures for my wife. If this keeps her and other residents safe all to the good.
My Mum's the same ...can't Skype or use the phone. I have been emailing photos with a little description underneath which they print out and read out to Mum. They are also emailing photos to me. I am 200 miles away and self isolating. Every little helps.