1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. alison1981

    alison1981 Registered User

    Dec 13, 2013
    62
    My mum was put in a nursing home in June 2015 after she was first sectioned at the hospital. She has lewy body dementia.

    At first the nursing home staff were brilliant, they were very attentive and we could ask them anything.

    My sister has started visiting mum every day and we are all estranged from her, I am not interested in having a relationship with her again. But I have noticed that since she started visiting mum, the home has changed their attitudes towards us.

    About 3 weeks ago, mum had an accident where she fell down and twisted her ankle. We saw it was very swollen and so my dad told them about it and they said they knew she had fell down but didnt notice her ankle was swollen! (are they blind?). We have had numerous talks with the staff about mum's ankle and how it is not getting any better. We feel as though we can't talk to one of the staff, she is very nasty to us and talks very sarcastic to us.

    Yesterday we went and mum's ankle was still swollen and we said to her have you told the people who work here about it. She said yes but they don't listen. So on our way out, me and dad told them about it and the lady who is sarcastic to us said we had the nurse out and she said its just arthritis but she will not rest it. She does walk a long way though. Anyway the woman said mum's making it up! I was so angry when she said that cause I know my mum and I know when she is milking it and with this she is not. Today I took her some paracetamol and she took one. Tomorrow I intend to give her another tablet.

    Sorry for the long post but I just don't feel like my mother is getting the care she deserves from them. She is very depressed and cries begging us to take her home. I hate her being in there.

    Another thing she is diabetic but we find lots of sweet and chocolate wrappers in her room!
     
  2. Jessbow

    Jessbow Registered User

    #2 Jessbow, Nov 15, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2015
    Above anything else PLEASE don't give her any medication, even paracetamol. You could well be overdosing her and that WILL have dire repercussions on you.

    Please PLEASE don't do it, however well intentioned.

    If you mother has twisted her ankle and cant understand the needs to rest it,I'm not surprised its still swollen . The reference to Mum *making it up* may well be with reference to nothing being done. Its not that nothing is being done ( not the right things maybe)
     
  3. alison1981

    alison1981 Registered User

    Dec 13, 2013
    62
    She is in so much pain with her ankle and they did say she was making it up. The woman is very sarcastic towards me and my father and it is just getting me down. I am going to continue to give her paracetamol, she only has one.
     
  4. Kitten71

    Kitten71 Registered User

    Jul 22, 2013
    157
    East Yorkshire
    I can sympathise with your current situation as I am in a very similar one myself. My dad has Lewy Body dementia and was put into a home after a spell in hospital. At first, the staff couldn't have been nicer but now when we go in they are offhand with us. One girl makes rude comments aimed at me and I'm not entirely sure what I'm supposed to have done to warrant this. I know my dads wife can be difficult but that's no reason to take things out on me. Now when we visit, we often find dad laid on a bare mattress, either naked or wearing very little, with his catheter bag anywhere but attached to his leg. We found him lying in the previous nights meal one morning. Bless him, he had peas and gravy stuck to his naked body and he was in a right state. The staff say he's too difficult to dress and wash and now he has another water infection as he's just not clean. Going back to your point, I don't know why the care home staff have to be so awkward. I'm sorry I can't offer any solutions but I hope it helps to know you aren't alone in your exoerience xx
     
  5. alison1981

    alison1981 Registered User

    Dec 13, 2013
    62

    Your situation is worse than ours. It is so sad that our loved ones are being treated like they are. We put them in a care home because we expect them to give them the care they deserve.
     
  6. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    22,490
    Female
    Near Southampton
    The thing I don't understand is that you say your mother is in a Nursing home.
    If so, then why did whoever you spoke to say "We had the nurse out"? In a nursing home, a nurse should be on duty there all the time which is where it differs from a Care home.
    I always spoke to the nurse about any concerns with my husband. It is not for the carer's job to give their opinion on medical matters.

    Your mother should also have a Care plan which, if you have LPA for Health and Welfare or are the next of kin, you have a perfect right to see. This plan should have all the details of your mother's swollen ankle and what is being done about it. So, your first port of call should be the on-duty nurse. Then if that brings no satisfaction then you need to speak to the manager.

    Threre are steps you can then take but only if you are certain of your facts.
    I really do think that you should not be medicating your mother in any way. That is the responsibility of the nursing home.
     
  7. alison1981

    alison1981 Registered User

    Dec 13, 2013
    62
     
  8. valmo

    valmo Registered User

    Oct 5, 2015
    32
    Cqc

    Report to Care Quality Commission. That is neglect and abuse. Take photos.
     
  9. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    22,490
    Female
    Near Southampton
    Was the lady at the desk the nurse or the manager?
    If not, then you, or your father, needs to speak to them.

    If your mother is self-funding, then you have the option of complaining to the CQC but, as I said earlier, you need to be sure of your facts about your mother's care and this should come when you have spoken to the people above and had sight of her Careplan.

    If you get no satisfaction then the home should have a complaints procedure and you can ask for this which may produce a re-think on their part.

    If your mother's fees are being subsidised by the LA then you can write to Aduult Services who will investigate your complaint.
     
  10. Spiro

    Spiro Registered User

    Mar 11, 2012
    522
    #10 Spiro, Nov 15, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2015
    Has your Mum been seen by the Nursing Home GP? If not, then why not? I would contact the GP first thing tomorrow.

    I would also write letters to the GP and Nursing Home Manager expressing your concerns (send them recorded delivery).

    As suggested, contact the CQC and your local Healthwatch.

    When I contacted the CQC regarding my concerns about a Nursing home, I received a phone call from the CQC assessor few days later.

    Don't give up until your Mum has been seen by a doctor. If necessary take her to the nearest A & E department yourself.
     
  11. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,740
    I agree that this needs to be taken further. I agree about writing to the manager and notifying the cqc (you can do this on their website - anonymously if you wish) . This is the link http://www.cqc.org.uk/content/contact-us-using-our-online-form but what worries me even more is your obvious distress at the way the care staff are speaking to you and the possible repercussions this is having on your mum when you are not there. This is completely unacceptable, the carers are there to care, that is what they are paid to do. They are there to tend to your Mother's every need and to reassure you, with evidence not just words, that is what they are doing. Care homes sometimes don't like calling out the GP - I'm wondering if they get charged for too many visits - so you may well need to give the GP a call yourself. The staff are there to care and to communicate with family members. One of the key CQC issues is do the care homes encourage relationships with and communicate with families and this place sounds as though it DOES NOT.

    To be honest it is very difficult to change the culture of a care home and if I felt that my Mother was not getting the care she needed I would definitely report it but meanwhile I would be looking at other care homes - you are perfectly within your rights to phone around, speak to them and go and visit and be prepared should you feel that a move would be a good idea. If her needs become more complex then it will be even more difficult. It is great that they went out for a visit but as you say if you are visiting every day it would be nice if they told you. Lots of good care homes encourage family to go on visits and to eat lunch with their relatives at the home and to become a part of the community - always a sign of a good care home!

    Just a few thoughts and a big 'sorry' that you are having to go through all this at a time which is clearly a hugely difficult adjustment anyway. Thinking of you. Keep posting
     
  12. Lilac Blossom

    Lilac Blossom Registered User

    Oct 6, 2014
    500
    Scotland
    Alison, I am wondering what your sister could have said when she started visiting nursing home which could have changed their attitude to you and your dad? If there is some sort of issue they should have discussed this with you.

    As your mum is in a nursing home presumably there is always a nurse on duty - that is the person you should talk to regarding your mum's health issues and care needs. I don't think the care workers are supposed to discuss but should refer you to nurse on duty. Have you ever been able to have discussions with nurse, or has it always been care worker(s)?
     
  13. alison1981

    alison1981 Registered User

    Dec 13, 2013
    62
    Definitely she could have done as the manager of the home is my sister's sister in law. We didn't want her to find out where she was and we think the manager told her.
     
  14. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,740
    That's a bit close for comfort - should work in your Mum's favour but on this occasion it sounds as though it is working against you all. Doesn't alter the fact that the home has problems with safeguarding your mum xxxx
     
  15. Spiro

    Spiro Registered User

    Mar 11, 2012
    522
    #15 Spiro, Nov 15, 2015
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2015
    Your Mum injured her ankle three weeks ago, she is still in pain and hasn't been examined by a doctor, and she is diabetic. If all these facts are true then it sounds as if the home has been negligent.

    Do you have POA for health and welfare and did you check the CQC report before she was placed her in this home? More importantly, if social services placed her there then they need to be made aware of the situation.

    It is distressing to read about your mother being in pain for this amount of time. In situations like this you cannot be intimidated by a manager.
     
  16. Kitten71

    Kitten71 Registered User

    Jul 22, 2013
    157
    East Yorkshire
    Yes, we've spoken to dad's social worker and she is contacting the safeguarding team. Dad is on a permanent catheter and the care staff leave used catheter bags in the bathroom, strewn on the floor or on the top of the toilet. Sometimes they are still full and we have to empty them before disposing of them ourselves. We have reported that too as the other residents wander in and out of each other's rooms so it's a health hazard to everyone. You may be wondering why we chose this care home. It was a temporary measure following a hospital stay and it was one of the few places that would take dad because of his aggressive behaviour (caused by sepsis) and we are hoping to have him home soon........
     
  17. Kitten71

    Kitten71 Registered User

    Jul 22, 2013
    157
    East Yorkshire
    Absolutely! We are struggling to trust anyone to look after dad now. His very first try at respite landed him in hospital as the care home failed to give him enough fluids and he became very ill. The hospital needed his bed when he was declared medically fit so social services helped find another care home for him in which he could recuperate before coming home and that's where we're at now. He's got another water infection which resulted in him pulling so hard at his catheter and he's made himself bleed internally. Dad is in a nursing home but because he's only paying for residential care, the in-house nurse doesn't attend to him. The district nurse has been and replaced his catheter this evening. Maybe you could call the district nurse to see your mum? They come any time night or day. They'd be able to assess her ankle and advise you on what needs doing. We are both in terrible situations. It's so sad that social care is failing our nearest and dearest :(
     
  18. alison1981

    alison1981 Registered User

    Dec 13, 2013
    62
    I have reported the home to the safeguarding team at the local Council so hopefully they will be able to help us.
     
  19. rhodychaisson

    rhodychaisson Account Closed

    Mar 3, 2016
    1
    Home Care

    Thanks for this
     

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