I can understand you feeling down on the way home on both counts.
I do think all you can do where your husband's friend is concerned is to be there for any help and information his wife might want and your offer of help was very kind and gracious. Did you mention TP?
Where letting people know is concerned, I do think I might have offended some people but we did our best. My daughter and then I, rang people up that she thought should be told but I didn't contact people to whom our only contact is the annual Christmas card but told them later, in the cards.
I had a couple of cards back expressing their sorrow but a couple didn't so I suppose they must have been offended. I'm afraid that if they can't understand the state one is in at such a time, then so be it. x
I have no hang ups about offending anyone now. I think other people should have a bit more compassion for those who have been widowed. Apart from one couple, all the "ghosts" who came to John's funeral, and who wept crocodile tears and promised to be in touch, haven't even texted/emailed/phoned or written.
The one couple took me out once for lunch a couple of months ago, but that's the only contact I've had from the many friends who drifted away as John got worse.
It was my birthday last week, and the most miserable one I can remember. None of the ghosts sent a card, and of course it was the first time for 50 years that there wasn't one from John. I've kept every card he ever sent me, and shed a good few tears reading them through.
Then a "friend" had lunch with me the next day and told me (a) it was far worse for a man, than a woman, losing their partner and (b) it was far worse for her, having left her husband, than it was for me, having lost mine.
She is now keeping company with the widower of a mutual friend, who died a few years ago, and I nearly slung my lasagne over her. What a tactless thing to say! I fear my Christmas Card list is shrinking!