1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

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Now I am really Mad and a lesson to ALL

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Helena, Nov 23, 2006.

  1. Helena

    Helena Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    Had interviews with both of my Mothers Consultants and the Phychiatrist yesterday

    They totally agree that my Mothers first Mini Stroke was 5 yrs ago
    2nd was 4yrs ago when the para medics said it definitely was .......yet the doctors at hospital when directly asked insisted tha she had not had a mini stroke

    3 yrs ago and 2 yrs ago she collapsed again and on not one of these occasions did the doctors tell the truth

    IF ONLY THEY HAD TOLD HER AND US we could have ensured everything now would be so different

    1) My Mother wittered about living wills but did nothing ..........if she had been told that she had had a mini stroke she would have made one ( Actually called an Advance Directive )
    Then she would have been spared the last 5 harrowing weeks and god knows how many more to come

    When she was admitted to hospital with pneumonia had she had an Advance Directive they would have simply made her comfortable and she would have slipped away

    Now under the dubious guise of " palliative care " they are trying to
    1) persuade her to take her BP pills

    2) giving her antivbiotics for a stomach bug aquired in hospital

    3) giving her a blood transfusion

    Her MMSE is ZERO

    Her confusion is total

    to add to her misery she now has a rectal prolapse which of course is darned uncomfortable and she has no hope of understanding

    ( she keeps talking about men with big lumps ... took me a while to figure out what she truly means !!!!!!!!!!)

    Because of her cognitive state they will not operate on the prolapse

    Theres a DNR on her notes YET they keep on trying to prolong her agony

    Sorry but if thats the Hippocratic oath of "do no harm" I can only wish she was an animal under the care of a vet because no vet would allow such awful suffering

    My husband and I are now ensuring we have an advance directive set up PDQ

    Let this be a salutory lesson to all ...........set up an Advance Directive when you are fit and you will be spared the hell my Mother at 90 yrs old and all of us as a family are enduring

    While my Mothers doctors currently are exceptionally nice people I cannot ever forgive the wider medical profession for their downright LIES
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    I`m so sorry for all you`re having to endure, Helena.

    I had such a different experience with my mother. I don`t know what stage she was in at the time, but she had no communication and didn`t know me. She`d been in a NH for 5 years.

    She kept having mini strokes and was admitted to hospital with carpet burns. [I don`t know how long she`d been lying there, but that`s another story.] When the consultant saw me, he said there was a possibility of surgery, but when I said I didn`t want her to have it and, in her state, I`d like her to be allowed to die, if it was on the cards, he agreed without quibble.

    There should really be standardized criteria for those who believe in not prolonging the agony, without it affecting those who wish to sustain life at all costs.
  3. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    Hi Helena
    i'm sorry its come to this for you and your mother.......
    Thinking about all of you and I hope that they can manage to keep your mum as comfortable and pain free as possible.
    Wendy xx
  4. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    Hiya Helena,
    All you can do now is make sure that mum is kept as safe, comfortable and happy as possible. Is she remaining in hospital or have you managed to sort out alternative care?
    Love Helen
  5. Helena

    Helena Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    They are transfering her to a small phychiatric assesment centre for the elderly to try and find a suitable medication to settle her agitation

    however since what they have tried so far simply makes her sleep the clock round i doubt that will help

    What i need to find out now is if they automatically consider the prolapse etc to be a health need and i dont have a massive battle over getting continuing care
  6. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    Newport, Gwent
    Hi Helena

    I'm soooo sorry to read your post, and the awful history of your mums care, you must be devastated.

    Have you thought of Hospice care, they are much better trained to fulfil the needs of the patient in your mums circumstances.

    Sending you a ((((((HUG)))))

  7. Helena

    Helena Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    I dont know if a hospice will take her but the thought had crossed my mind
  8. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    Thinking of you and sending you a big {{{HUG}}}.
  9. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    Newport, Gwent
    Hi Helena

    I think I would be inclined to visit my local hospice myself to see if it would be suitable for mum, if so, ask if they will take her. Obviously they will want a referral, but that would be easily arranged. It would save some time (GP/Consultant writing letters etc.) I used to work in a hospice (secretary), and the differance in the standard of care vs NHS wards is remarkable. Its all about comfort, pain free management, and most of all dignity coupled with tender loving care for the patient and family.
    Thinking of you.
  10. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    Cate....I agree with you .....my mother in law spent her last few weeks in a hospice (she had cancer) and the care she had was superb......nothing was too much trouble for the staff and she kept her dignity to the end.
  11. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Helena, I'm so sorry your mum is so ill. Let us know how she gets on, and take care of yourself.

  12. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    NW England
    Whatever traumas we face in life, I think there is always an element of 'If only' - (on many different levels) and associated anger/grief......

    Just wanted to say thank you in the midst of the trauma your mum and you and your family are going through right now for sharing your experiences ... and of course, to express my concern for your mum and you ....

    I hope you hold on to the 'mad' to keep fighting for your mum's dignity and well being (and to look after yourself, too!)

    Much love, Karen, x

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