1. Q&A: Medication - Thurs 22nd November, 3-4pm

    Do you have questions about medication and drug treatments for dementia? There's no drug to cure dementia yet, but it's often possible to relieve some symptoms.

    Our next expert Q&A will be hosted by Simon from our Knowledge Services team. He will be answering your questions on Thursday 22nd November from 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

Now he has gone....

Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by Robin61, Jun 10, 2018.

  1. Robin61

    Robin61 Registered User

    Jan 27, 2017
    11
    Hi all. I have only posted a few times last year but my husband passed away last Friday on his 81st birthday. He had vascular dementia diagnosed 2014 and went into care late 2015 due to severe challenging behaviour and being sectioned. It has been a horrendous journey for him and our family and I am comforted that his passing was peaceful and he can now rest.
    I am 62 somewhat younger than he was but our happy marriage has been 40 years with children. I am lucky to have a loving family and grandchildren. I am devastated at finally losing him although I know he is in better place.
    Despite not posting much I have continually read messages on these forums for years and it has been a huge help to me. Now I have grief of a different final type I feel the need to share my thoughts and feelings as it will help me.
    Early stages of bereavement to come and I’m busy starting to plan funeral this week.
    Thank you for anticipated support and hoping I can help others too. Xx
     
  2. campervan21

    campervan21 Registered User

    May 4, 2017
    128
    Derbyshire
    Sorry for your loss , TP is a help to me too, thinking of you and your family x
     
  3. karaokePete

    karaokePete Volunteer Host

    Jul 23, 2017
    3,242
    Male
    Cyprus
    I too am sorry for your loss and I wish you the strength you will need at this difficult time.
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    67,077
    Kent
    I hope you find the support you need in dealing with loss sub forum. Sadly it is growing day by day.
     
  5. worried2

    worried2 Registered User

    Aug 1, 2010
    27
    Sending condolences and wishing you strength to cope in the days and weeks ahead. Post whenever you need: you will always find support and understanding along this difficult journey here. Xx
     
  6. Amethyst59

    Amethyst59 Registered User

    Jul 3, 2017
    5,679
    Female
    Kent
    I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad that you are using the forum to gain support at this horrible and difficult time.
     
  7. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    57,400
    Female
    Dundee
    #7 Izzy, Jun 11, 2018
    Last edited: Jun 11, 2018
    I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I'm glad you've come to this forum for support. Wishing you strength for the days and weeks to come.
     
  8. Robin61

    Robin61 Registered User

    Jan 27, 2017
    11
    Thank you so much for replies you wonderful people! I already feel extra support now from those who have been there. Registering his death today and doing the photo album therapy. He was a keen photographer so I have a large collection of photos and wonderful memories contained therein. This beautiful June weather is helping today. Take care all of you. X
     
  9. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,317
    Ireland
    So sorry for your loss, @Robin61 . My late husband was also much older than I, there was 30 years between us. I'm glad you have come here for support. Knowing that those here understand exactly what we are going through can be such a help.
     
  10. nellbelles

    nellbelles Volunteer Host

    Nov 6, 2008
    7,835
    leicester
    My condolences for your loss, I hope TP helps you at this difficult time
     
  11. Marcelle123

    Marcelle123 Registered User

    Sending sympathy for your loss; wishing you strength, and hope for for the future. xx
     
  12. Robin61

    Robin61 Registered User

    Jan 27, 2017
    11
    Yesterday difficult day arranging funeral and registering death. Today has been better contacting lots of people who were in my husbands life from his career and many hobbies. I’ve loved talking to them and remembering the man he was before dementia. This can only help me I feel.
    30 years younger LadyA! You like me then will have experienced being a dementia carer for your partner at a young age. It has been so very hard but I one day want to use this knowledge to help others in same situation. For now though it’s just grief for his final loss.x
     
  13. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    57,400
    Female
    Dundee
    This is such a hard time. My husband was 21 years older than me so I can empathise with you.

    Wishing you strength.
     
  14. Robin61

    Robin61 Registered User

    Jan 27, 2017
    11
    Now just 3 days away from funeral. All planning done and assembled lovely photoboards today. Felt very sad today and the tears have flowed. Know he is in a better place and at peace but missing him so all over again. Will be glad to see my family arrive in few days time. Have others around so I am lucky. Lots to focus on and sort out the paperwork which is good.
    Feeling very bereft tonight. X
     
  15. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    57,400
    Female
    Dundee
    Thinking of you and wishing you strength.
     
  16. Toony Oony

    Toony Oony Registered User

    Jun 21, 2016
    300
  17. worried2

    worried2 Registered User

    Aug 1, 2010
    27
    Thinking of you and hoping that having family around will give you comfort & support Xx
     
  18. Robin61

    Robin61 Registered User

    Jan 27, 2017
    11
    Thank you for your comments. That’s a lovely poem Toony Oony-find that very comforting.
     
  19. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    3,657
    Kent
    Very sorry to hear your sad news and this pwruod must be full of mixed emotion for you...grief and sadness for your very loved OH and maybe relief for him that he is now at peace frim this truly terrible illness. I hope the plans are falling into place and wish you strength and love
     
  20. Robin61

    Robin61 Registered User

    Jan 27, 2017
    11
    Well few days have passed since my husbands funeral. All went as well as these things can and I felt relieved it was over but supported by our family and many friends. The wake was comforting and talking to so many was great.
    I have now come away for a few days with a friend to the coast and sure this will help me. Going to remain positive whilst dealing with the grief I feel but I am “happy” to know he is no longer suffering.
    Have signed up for a memory walk in September and members of the family will join me. Hoping to raise some money for Alzheimer’s Society who helped us!
    Take care everyone! Sunshine helps! X
     

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