1. Loulou

    Loulou Registered User

    Jul 22, 2005
    I have only just registered and I am not even sure if I should have !!

    My mum (74) has recently been diagnosed with multi dementia - aspects of all ?

    I have 4 sisters who all seem to be trying to help BUT as far as I am concerned are not doing enough.

    My mum has lived with me since they all got married - approx 10 years ago.

    Mum accuses me of trying to drug her / constantly wants to "go home" / wants to go to bed at 6pm - I am probably not doing the right thing but I sleep with her because she is scared - this results in me going to bed at 6pm and trying to sneak out to watch TV when she has dropped off.

    I don't think I have accepted the fact that she has dementia - and just want my old mum back telling me she loves me.
  2. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    near London
    Hello Loulou and welcome

    of course you are welcome to register - only you can decide whether you should have. Can't see any reason why not!

    Everything you say is very familiar to my experience. I've been there too, so please do use TP as much - or as little - as you want or need!

    Best wishes
  3. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    Toronto, Canada
    All what you say is so familiar. About the "trying to drug her" part, have you considered taking a multi-vitamin yourself at the same time as your mother? Maybe if she sees you taking something too it will make it easier. Is she on any kind of anti-psychotic? Those do help relieve AD patients but I would advise keeping an eye on her meds - make sure they don't overdo things.

    I would definitely get a night light for your mother & not sleep with her.

    I want my mother back also - I know exactly what you mean.
  4. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    West Sussex
    Hi Loulou and welcome. Yes, been there and got the T shirt! It's tough isn't it, and like you, I would have done anything to get my "proper" Mum back. Trouble is, the disease doesn't let that happen. Sleeping is so often a problem, as is the constantly wanting to go "home", you will find many posts about both of these. My Mum would be funny about any medications too at times. Hang on in there, you are among friends here. Thinking of you, Love She. XX
  5. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    West Sussex
    Hello Loulou

    I understand completely.

    Of course you want your Mum, so do I and at times she surfaces briefly and your Mum will always love you even if she doesn't show it.

    It is the illness that takes her away.

    Thinking of you

  6. Loulou

    Loulou Registered User

    Jul 22, 2005
    #6 Loulou, Jul 27, 2005
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2005
    I have only just logged back on since my original entry - and would like to say thanks so much to everybody who replied !!!!

    I am quite concerned about the number of tablets my mum is being given - Ebixa twice a day / Risperdal once a day and 20mg of anti-depressant daily ?? - Starting to doubt giving her them at all !!

    It was my birthday recently and I took the day off work without telling anybody and spent some time on my own (although my friend did meet up with me).
    Although I enjoyed it - I feel really guilty about lying and also about not being with my mum (as I always have in the past) - really conscious of the fact that this might have been my last birthday with her ?

    Mum told me she loved me last night so I feel a bit more positive today (not sure how long it will last though !!)
  7. bernie

    bernie Registered User

    Jul 28, 2005
    south london
    I have a similar problem the only chance I get to watch tv is after mum has gone to bed. to be honest I am quite happy when she has gone to bed as I get some peace and quiet.
  8. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    Birmingham Hades
    I do the 9 until 12 shift most nights on TP.
    This is after I have helped Peg to get ready for bed and settle down for the night?
    This is the quietest time I get all day
  9. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    near London
    I too was a midnight man when Jan was still at home, but the last three months before whe moved into care in 2001, she could not sleep and if I wasn't in bed to keep her there, she would wander. I couldn't chance that as there are stairs in the house, so for that period, I just gave up on using the PC and concentrated all my time on Jan.

    I found that when I was able to get on the PC prior to that last three months, it was my only escape. I couldn't read by then as I was unable to have the bedside light on as it stopped her sleeping, and my sleeping wasn't good as Jan needed a very dim light on or she became scared - that light kept me awake. Worst of all worlds.
  10. Sheila

    Sheila Registered User

    Oct 23, 2003
    West Sussex
    Dear Loulou, obviously I could not possibly comment on your Mum's medications. But, if you yourself are concerned, why not make an appointment to speak to her GP to discuss what the medications are being prescribed to control and any possible side effects? Thinking of you, love She. XX
  11. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    Hi Loulou
    My Mom is 76 and is advanced AD. I miss her so much but the time I have with her now is just precious. Every day is a challenge though and I never know what to expect. This last year I have actually grieved for the Mom I used to have. There isn't a real place to put such gried as she is still here, just not the same person.
    I am reading the book "The Validation Breakthrough" by Naomi Feil. I am only 1/3 through it and have already tried some of the conversation suggestions they talk about. I have seen my Mom'e eyes brighten and today had a huge breakthrough as I found the root problem to one of the episodes that she has. She forgets my step Dad is her husband and wants him to move out. After some careful probing it came out that she is remembering my real Father ( he died at 41) and feels guilty that she has this man ( my step Dad) living with her. She left feeling that her feelings had been acknowledged and that she finally could say what her fears are.
    Perhaps you can get something from the book as well. I found it on half.com very reasonable.
    TP has been a God send to me and it is so great to have others to lean on when this gets too heavy.
    Take care, Rummy (Debbie)

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