• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can be found in our area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Notice given today

Wildflowerlady

Registered User
Sep 30, 2019
277
So today dads Care Company called me and they have now definitely given 28 days notice to ASC as from today.
The lady that rang is the one that has always done dads weekly schedule and whom we have chatted to regularly regarding any issues with dad. Lady was very apologetic but said they just couldn't do anything further and that a lot of the carers were now refusing to go into dad in fact she only mentioned one that was still happy to do so but its not like she could possibly do all dads care visits anyway.
My sister called me about an hour later and had received the same call but had actually been called again as the carer attending to dad had to leave dad this morning as he had gone to slap her when either going to or during his personnel care.
Sister said she was going to dad at lunchtime anyway as had said she would do him some fish and chips for lunch. Sister didn't know whether dad would still be in his pajamas as was not too sure at exactly what stage the carer had to leave.
I will report back to the Advanced Practitioner Nurse at dads GP surgery tomorrow to let her know 28 days notice has definitely been given as the Crisis Team said last week that dads latest referral that she made last week was not classed as urgent. The nurse isn't available until tomorrow but said to me to update her then and she would try and bring stuff forward.
Sister is still fairly keen for dad to receive care at home I think she feels the carers are not understanding dad as well as she thinks they should. Sister is continuing to believe that carers from another company that ASC can supply might be much better at dealing with dad and his dementia. I personally don't think a different company can do much better dads delusions/paranoia is getting worse he has gone on and on for days about his golf equipment being sold when its still there has been shown it many times and ' surprised ' each time he sees it.
Now awaiting ASC to get back to us to advise what is going to happen next we did inform them Friday again that Care Company would be giving notice they said '28 days' well we have plenty of time but gave no indication when the 28 days runs out what position dad will be in.
Dad absolutely refused the idea of any respite last month but sister says she might try and speak to him today and see how he feels now about trying a bit of respite, I would be very surprised if he agrees to anything. Sister said she might suggest that his carers just can't come in for a while and he needs to go somewhere else to be looked after for a while.
Sister has just emailed my dad was actually still in his Pajamas so no doubt he could possibly still have pad on from last night, bed unmade night bag not emptied just left in bathroom. The carer had actually attended dad with a new/trainee carer this morning but having logged in at 10.46am they logged out at11am so it couldn't have been there long before dad lashed out.
Carer had given dad his morning medication but that is usually done before going up for wash. Dad has a 45 minute morning call and three 30 minute calls during rest of day.
Sister has got dad dressed and done him lunch, we assume they were still sending a afternoon/teatime carer in and bedtime carer as haven't said they won't but my sister is still there so might stay until they arrive usually at 4pm.
 
Last edited:

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
2,044
I'm sorry but not surprised that the care company are withdrawing from helping your dad. Everyone wants to be safe at work and if your dad is lashing out there is the potential for him to do serious harm. Like you I doubt another company will be able to do better. I'm a bit concerned that your sister might think that between the two of you you will be able to help without a company at all.
I also t sounds as though you've long gone past the point where your dad could make an informed decision about going to a care home. Is there anyway you could try to get him at least into respite for a couple of week, maybe by saying work needs to be done on the house? it sounds as though you would need to persuade your sister as much as your dad.
{{{hugs}}} and I hope someone comes along with some more practical advice for your shortly.
 

Wildflowerlady

Registered User
Sep 30, 2019
277
I'm sorry but not surprised that the care company are withdrawing from helping your dad. Everyone wants to be safe at work and if your dad is lashing out there is the potential for him to do serious harm. Like you I doubt another company will be able to do better. I'm a bit concerned that your sister might think that between the two of you you will be able to help without a company at all.
I also t sounds as though you've long gone past the point where your dad could make an informed decision about going to a care home. Is there anyway you could try to get him at least into respite for a couple of week, maybe by saying work needs to be done on the house? it sounds as though you would need to persuade your sister as much as your dad.
{{{hugs}}} and I hope someone comes along with some more practical advice for your shortly.
Hi @Sarasa
I think it was only a matter of time before dad did what he did today I'm actually surprised he hadn't done it sooner.
I expect from dads view he soon forgot what had happened and probably thinks his carer didn't turn up at all.
I agree the carers need to feel safe doing their job and its got to the point that some do not, sorting dads schedule is becoming difficult for lady that arranges it plus they can't always deliver the care they are sent to do as he refuses their help.
I know many of dads carers as I have met them lots of times especially the ones that have been attending dad from the beginning and some sort of relationship/friendship does develop even though they are attending to dad and I am sure they have tried their best. There is no way I could go to dad and replace the time his carers have with him, I do try my best and visit him fairly regularly but because my partner is 77 years and has progressing Parkinson's its just not possible to do much more. Dad needs someone that can attend to him much more than carers popping in and out during the day he is getting very anxious and he needs someone to be able to reassure him when he's worrying about stuff. Thank you for posting its much appreciated support is always nice.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
3,038
Essex
So today dads Care Company called me and they have now definitely given 28 days notice to ASC as from today.
The lady that rang is the one that has always done dads weekly schedule and whom we have chatted to regularly regarding any issues with dad. Lady was very apologetic but said they just couldn't do anything further and that a lot of the carers were now refusing to go into dad in fact she only mentioned one that was still happy to do so but its not like she could possibly do all dads care visits anyway.
My sister called me about an hour later and had received the same call but had actually been called again as the carer attending to dad had to leave dad this morning as he had gone to slap her when either going to or during his personnel care.
Sister said she was going to dad at lunchtime anyway as had said she would do him some fish and chips for lunch. Sister didn't know whether dad would still be in his pajamas as was not too sure at exactly what stage the carer had to leave.
I will report back to the Advanced Practitioner Nurse at dads GP surgery tomorrow to let her know 28 days notice has definitely been given as the Crisis Team said last week that dads latest referral that she made last week was not classed as urgent. The nurse isn't available until tomorrow but said to me to update her then and she would try and bring stuff forward.
Sister is still fairly keen for dad to receive care at home I think she feels the carers are not understanding dad as well as she thinks they should. Sister is continuing to believe that carers from another company that ASC can supply might be much better at dealing with dad and his dementia. I personally don't think a different company can do much better dads delusions/paranoia is getting worse he has gone on and on for days about his golf equipment being sold when its still there has been shown it many times and ' surprised ' each time he sees it.
Now awaiting ASC to get back to us to advise what is going to happen next we did inform them Friday again that Care Company would be giving notice they said '28 days' well we have plenty of time but gave no indication when the 28 days runs out what position dad will be in.
Dad absolutely refused the idea of any respite last month but sister says she might try and speak to him today and see how he feels now about trying a bit of respite, I would be very surprised if he agrees to anything. Sister said she might suggest that his carers just can't come in for a while and he needs to go somewhere else to be looked after for a while.
Sister has just emailed my dad was actually still in his Pajamas so no doubt he could possibly still have pad on from last night, bed unmade night bag not emptied just left in bathroom. The carer had actually attended dad with a new/trainee carer this morning but having logged in at 10.46am they logged out at11am so it couldn't have been there long before dad lashed out.
Carer had given dad his morning medication but that is usually done before going up for wash. Dad has a 45 minute morning call and three 30 minute calls during rest of day.
Sister has got dad dressed and done him lunch, we assume they were still sending a afternoon/teatime carer in and bedtime carer as haven't said they won't but my sister is still there so might stay until they arrive usually at 4pm.


Dear @Wildflowerlady,

I can just imagine how you feel as I was in exactly the same situation. I think it's best that I tell you what happened when I was caring for dad and please bare in mind that I looked after him at home. The original care company were with us for about eight months as dad's Alzheimers progressed to severe. They did very well but dad became more aggressive until the care manager phoned and said that he needs to see a doctor but this wasn't long after he saw the consultant and was diagnosed with severe Alzheimers.

I contacted dementia friends and a dementia nurse was sent along who prescribed donepezil 10mg. We discussed respite care, day centres, and other care agencies (it seems that you could use two agencies at the same time). At this point my independence was disappearing I gave up my Wednesday night orchestra rehearsals and negotiated when my youngest brother could come and sit with dad whilst I saw friends. Anyway the medication was increased and I looked at other care agencies whilst my brother produced a dossier of care homes for respite. I found one agency that came a few times and eventually a care home that was willing to consider dad for respite.

The care agency sent a very young carer at first who said that it didn't go to well with dad opening the front door and her not being able to call him in. The neighbours encouraged him to go back inside I felt the carer was a bit young but she did stay however other carers started to have trouble with dad meanwhile I got dad into the care home for respite where we did a few visits and they were all concerned about him going for the door but he was never aggressive and when I took him for respite he defied our concerns and settled down brilliantly. The day centre that I tried was also a failure as he kept going for the door and he was agitated without me.

After dad's respite had finished it was back to the same routine with another care company which didn't last more than a few weeks my only option at this point was to phone the care home and ask whether they would take him in one day a week until I could sort something else out which they did. The time dad started doing this he was so pleased to see his friends again which is why I started to think that permanent care in this home was the best solution. I kept my brothers informed at all times and when he had another fall two weeks after leaving respite I put him back in the home for more respite whilst I tried to convince my brothers and dementia friends that the best option was permanent care.

I think that your dad is at a time when your sister needs to consider permanent for everyone's sake. Discussing with your dad won't help because he will either forget or just refuse point blank when the paramedics took dad to hospital after his last fall they discussed care homes with me in front of him and he understood what care homes were at that point and said 'no' eventhough he had just come out of one previously. The way to get your dad into a care home is to get tell love lies. Go and have a look at a few first of all consider how the staff react to the residents, activities and make an unannounced visit (eventhough I don't quite know how you would do this at the moment so perhaps a phone call would help). Also would your dad be self-funding or not in which case you would have to inform ASC which is what you've done.

Good luck

Hugs to you as I can imagine how you feel but believe you will get through this

MaNaAk
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,949
South coast
Hi @Wildflowerlady
As everyone else has said - this was inevitable and I dont think that anywhere else would take him on now either. Does Social Services know that he has been given 28 days notice? Because, if nothing is organised it will be a safeguarding concern.
The only advice I have is that if anyone asks you if you would be willing to visit your dad more "on a temporary basis", just say no.
 

Wildflowerlady

Registered User
Sep 30, 2019
277
Hi @Wildflowerlady
As everyone else has said - this was inevitable and I dont think that anywhere else would take him on now either. Does Social Services know that he has been given 28 days notice? Because, if nothing is organised it will be a safeguarding concern.
The only advice I have is that if anyone asks you if you would be willing to visit your dad more "on a temporary basis", just say no.
Hi @canary ASC have been informed of the 28 day notice by Care Company and were actually informed on Friday by sister that I had been told they planned to do that today. I think they were waiting for someone in particular to return to the office today before doing so, events of this morning has probably made their decision a little easier as re-affirmed they cannot go on any longer . As far as I am concerned I cannot be dads carer running back and forth every day and ASC need to ensure something is put in place ASAP to ensure dad has continuing care. I presume safe guarding issue is done regardless of dads feelings about going into a CH or assessment unit? does that mean dad is sectioned?
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,949
South coast
I presume safe guarding issue is done regardless of dads feelings about going into a CH or assessment unit? does that mean dad is sectioned?
Not necessarily, although it may happen because of the violence. It may just be that SS deems that he has lost capacity and recommends that he is moved to a care home, but that would depend on whether a care home would accept him.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
3,038
Essex
In that case a nursing home could be more suitable. @Wildflowerlady I forgot to advice you to be prepared to produce any letter from your dad's consultant. This is what I had to do and when they saw that he had a score of 9 they said that you couldn't do much with a score like that and they conceded that a care home was the best option. Good luck and I hope that we have helped in some way. Just one more thing in my case I thought that I had talked my brothers round once I confirmed with the home that dad's placement had become permanent but they maintained that they I did it without permission and one of them said that he would never trust me again. I kept them informed at all times and it was a difficult thing to do but it was the right one.

Hugs

MaNaAk
 

Wildflowerlady

Registered User
Sep 30, 2019
277
Dear @Wildflowerlady,

I can just imagine how you feel as I was in exactly the same situation. I think it's best that I tell you what happened when I was caring for dad and please bare in mind that I looked after him at home. The original care company were with us for about eight months as dad's Alzheimers progressed to severe. They did very well but dad became more aggressive until the care manager phoned and said that he needs to see a doctor but this wasn't long after he saw the consultant and was diagnosed with severe Alzheimers.

I contacted dementia friends and a dementia nurse was sent along who prescribed donepezil 10mg. We discussed respite care, day centres, and other care agencies (it seems that you could use two agencies at the same time). At this point my independence was disappearing I gave up my Wednesday night orchestra rehearsals and negotiated when my youngest brother could come and sit with dad whilst I saw friends. Anyway the medication was increased and I looked at other care agencies whilst my brother produced a dossier of care homes for respite. I found one agency that came a few times and eventually a care home that was willing to consider dad for respite.

The care agency sent a very young carer at first who said that it didn't go to well with dad opening the front door and her not being able to call him in. The neighbours encouraged him to go back inside I felt the carer was a bit young but she did stay however other carers started to have trouble with dad meanwhile I got dad into the care home for respite where we did a few visits and they were all concerned about him going for the door but he was never aggressive and when I took him for respite he defied our concerns and settled down brilliantly. The day centre that I tried was also a failure as he kept going for the door and he was agitated without me.

After dad's respite had finished it was back to the same routine with another care company which didn't last more than a few weeks my only option at this point was to phone the care home and ask whether they would take him in one day a week until I could sort something else out which they did. The time dad started doing this he was so pleased to see his friends again which is why I started to think that permanent care in this home was the best solution. I kept my brothers informed at all times and when he had another fall two weeks after leaving respite I put him back in the home for more respite whilst I tried to convince my brothers and dementia friends that the best option was permanent care.

I think that your dad is at a time when your sister needs to consider permanent for everyone's sake. Discussing with your dad won't help because he will either forget or just refuse point blank when the paramedics took dad to hospital after his last fall they discussed care homes with me in front of him and he understood what care homes were at that point and said 'no' eventhough he had just come out of one previously. The way to get your dad into a care home is to get tell love lies. Go and have a look at a few first of all consider how the staff react to the residents, activities and make an unannounced visit (eventhough I don't quite know how you would do this at the moment so perhaps a phone call would help). Also would your dad be self-funding or not in which case you would have to inform ASC which is what you've done.

Good luck

Hugs to you as I can imagine how you feel but believe you will get through this

MaNaAk
Hi @MaNaAk
My dad has had carers coming into his home for over three years since he was admitted to hospital with delirium and a UTI he had a catheter fitted then as they discovered he had little/no bladder control dad couldn't operate the valve despite having 6 weeks of reablement care. Shortly after this his odd bowel accidents became more obvious and eventually progressed to every day so dad ended up in pads after we asked for his GP to refer him to the incontinent clinic.
Dad was placed on Donepezil following us taking him to the Memory Clinic after the GP eventually agreeing dad was showing signs of dementia and a nurse came out to do a basic memory test, by now it was the following year after his hospital admission. Dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and Vascular dementia I took him to have a scan which also helped the diagnosis.
My sister and I had already been looking out for dad with visits each day since our mum passed away in 2016 but following hospital admittance we asked for some help and carers came in but the time we spent at dads also started to increase. Dad has always had 4 carer visits since the catheter was fitted and sister and I continued with going daily but now it was first thing in the morning taking turns between us going morning or evening. We spent less time in the evening visit maybe just a hour and left when dads carer arrived at 9pm to help dad to bed but the morning visit was pretty much until lunchtime. Due to partners health I struggled to carry out daily visiting after 3 years however I still have around 3-4 visits to dad a week but now they are much shorter as partners health got worse ( Parkinson's) and my visits are now in the afternoon .
Dad was prescribed Risperidone last month via the Crisis Teams doctor because of his verbal and verging on physical aggression dad was starting to break things and his temper was getting worse.
Dad was and still is on Memantine and Donepezil but after a week the Risperidone was removed as he became very wobbly causing concerns he might fall down his stairs and GP was concerned too he additionally removed his BP tablet.
We had tried to encourage dad earlier in his dementia to go out and I took him to a bowling club that said they would welcome him joining but when we got home he told me he wasn't interested although I think he was also very depressed at losing mum his wife of over 62 years. Dad was never actually willing to join anything or attend any day center for company as he relied on my sister and I to spend time with him and that was all he said he wanted.
Dads cousin that moved to Spain used to call him a bit but the calls stopped last year we think its possible something untoward may have been said and contact was ceased. Dads Navy friend appears to have stopped calling too perhaps they found dad too difficult to hold a conversation with and its put them off calling.
Dad had a dog but he started to neglect him so sister and I took over the feeding and walking picking up his mess etc. My sister was eventually asked for his dog to be removed as he was barking at the carers he always had but at the beginning of lockdown in March she was asked that the carers go in and for her not to be present when they visited dad, some carers were obviously not keen on dads dog being there without one of us present but understandable given the racket he made which could be unnerving to some. Sister takes his dog round most days but she says dad pays little if any attention to him and yet he doted on his dog before. Sister took the dog home with her as I couldn't have him as I already have my dog and they weren't good together she never actually planned to have a dog whereas I have had dogs for a number of years.
I understand what you say about carer some are young although my dad does have quite a mix, the one he actually raised his hand to today is a lady in her early 50's so I would have thought he would have been ok but this is the problem now dad is at the point that he can be nasty to whoever goes in even if he has previously taken to them. Sister says he not too bad with her and I am same he can be ok or he can be nasty and it gets harder to brush aside when feelings hurt or accusations made.
Finally apologies @MaNaAk for the lengthy reply but I thought given you were kind in giving your account of your experience with your dad I would give you some background as to how we have reached this point.
Dad is in a Council Home he has a bit under the threshold for fully funding but has two pensions coming in which we know they will use plus some of his savings? so my understanding is ASC need to help sister and I with not only finding a resolution now but also agreeing to fund towards dads CH if they actually agree that is the only option left for dad now. Thank you for your reply to post.
 
Last edited:

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
3,038
Essex
Dear @Wildflowerlady,

Dad had 'accidents' when he hurt his back due to his falls. In many ways your dad was like mine he became very clingy to me and I was his rock bit he was hostile to other people except those he still recognised. I know this is difficult to get but I wondered if your dad would qualify for CHC.

Please keep posting as I really feel for you and you also caring for your husband so I'm thinking of your health as well.

MaNaAk
 

Wildflowerlady

Registered User
Sep 30, 2019
277
I'm sorry but not surprised that the care company are withdrawing from helping your dad. Everyone wants to be safe at work and if your dad is lashing out there is the potential for him to do serious harm. Like you I doubt another company will be able to do better. I'm a bit concerned that your sister might think that between the two of you you will be able to help without a company at all.
I also t sounds as though you've long gone past the point where your dad could make an informed decision about going to a care home. Is there anyway you could try to get him at least into respite for a couple of week, maybe by saying work needs to be done on the house? it sounds as though you would need to persuade your sister as much as your dad.
{{{hugs}}} and I hope someone comes along with some more practical advice for your shortly.
Hi @Sarasa
Thank you for reply something has obviously got to be in place for when the 28 days is up maybe even sooner if dad gets worse before then. You are right sister is also going to need some persuading as I know she is still clinging onto the hope that dad can stay home but at what cost to not only dads health as refusing care is not good but also our wellbeing because all this stress is agony.
 

Wildflowerlady

Registered User
Sep 30, 2019
277
Not necessarily, although it may happen because of the violence. It may just be that SS deems that he has lost capacity and recommends that he is moved to a care home, but that would depend on whether a care home would accept him.
Hello @canary
Thank you for reply feeling really stressed tonight so if CH not a option hopefully the alternative of a Nursing Home as @MaNaAk has suggested will be offered to dad instead. I think one of the homes that was suggested for respite last month that dad rejected may have had a part of the home for more 'challenging' people but what they meant I can't be sure of I assume they would assess dad and decide if they could take him under their care.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
1,277
Southampton
they will find something nice and appropriate to his needs. its like anticipating whats going to happen and turning over all the possibilities and back again. might be better sooner rather than later for all your sakes
 

Wildflowerlady

Registered User
Sep 30, 2019
277
In that case a nursing home could be more suitable. @Wildflowerlady I forgot to advice you to be prepared to produce any letter from your dad's consultant. This is what I had to do and when they saw that he had a score of 9 they said that you couldn't do much with a score like that and they conceded that a care home was the best option. Good luck and I hope that we have helped in some way. Just one more thing in my case I thought that I had talked my brothers round once I confirmed with the home that dad's placement had become permanent but they maintained that they I did it without permission and one of them said that he would never trust me again. I kept them informed at all times and it was a difficult thing to do but it was the right one.

Hugs

MaNaAk
My sister and I have had a terrible relationship most of our lives mum said she hated me when a baby and tipped me out of the pram even bit me, I think whatever bugged her then just continued throughout our lives. We didn't speak for just over 20 years but worked together when mum passed to care for dad. I genuinely thought we could be friends forgot all our differences and things said 20 years before happy to have a sister. Like you I thought we agreed on things but as time went on bad feelings developed she became vile in her comments in messages and screamed in phone conversations.
I've no idea why she has been more respectful towards me this last 3 weeks or so but I am grateful once dad is settled I doubt we will have much contact. If I think of everything she has said and done to me since last summer I feel full of anger and hurt and I just want to deal with her as nice as possible and then whatever will be will be its the only way I can get through this now. I'm sorry you have had family issues too I have seen some of your posts I know how upsetting it has been. Take Care 🤗
 

Wildflowerlady

Registered User
Sep 30, 2019
277
We are still awaiting news from different departments regarding what next for dad. I think its part of the set procedure that the Mental Health Crisis Team will have to see him at home again to check his 'capacity' person from ASC says that even though they saw him last month a lot can change quickly.
Sister received a call yesterday as at lunchtime dads lunch carer had to leave as dad was 'going 'ballistic' that was care company's words to sister. It turned out that when carer was there to do lunch call dad had apparently started throwing stuff around and disappeared upstairs so carer was told to leave. My sister went round but not straight away she found dad upstairs on a bedroom floor he wasn't hurt but just laying there he had ripped net curtain down. It took sister two attempts to get dad up on his feet as having lifted him once he slumped down on the floor again. Sister found a chair turned over in the kitchen and a few ornaments/golf and bowls trophy's on the floor she did ask dad what had happened but he didn't come up with a explanation so was left at that. Dad didn't want a meal from his frozen meals selection but wanted another breakfast so sister cooked one.
I went round to dads not long after sister went home and asked dad if he had had a good day as I always do and he replied 'excellent' nothing mentioned about the lunchtime incident from either of us. How can crisis team possibly say dad has capacity enough to make his own decision about where he is safe and properly cared for when its obvious he is getting worse. I don't think dad is happy at home any longer he's alone too much but equally know he's likely to be very unhappy in a CH too. I think as someone has suggested before maybe it was @canary that we will have to settle for dad being safe and cared for. I assume these bouts of aggression are because he is so frustrated with life as it now is. Dad hates the carers coming in whereas at one time he was pretty good and had a little joke, laugh or dance with them but now its like he is just waiting to kick off more and more.
I was there when the next carer arrived I could see his face change a bit but he did comply with what she asked I left just after she did. Sister text this morning apparently two carers went into dad last night for his bedtime call we are not sure if one was in training or just two sent but only one carer as usual turned up this morning. Dads care notes also indicated he had been shouting on two of his care visits the day before as well. I will keep posting thanks to everyone for their support and please stay safe.
 

Just me

Registered User
Nov 17, 2013
494
I really don’t understand the system @Wildflowerlady this is in total contrast to what’s happened to mum.

On the 10/10/20 I called the crisis team as mum was acting out of character and I couldn’t calm her. She was taken to hospital and detained under Sec 2 for assessment. Wish I’d known what that meant before I agreed.
She had bloods taken etc and there is nothing to show why she acted in this way. I’ve been told on several occasions that mums a good patient, is interacting with staff and other patients, is not on a one to one and hasn’t acted the way she did on the 10th.
Within the first week on the ward I saw problems and was shocked when I saw her on the last visit. She was shivering in a thin hospital nightie, no slippers though it was 3.30 in the afternoon (I was later told they were behind with the washing and all clothes were in the wash. A phone call to ask me to bring some more in never crossed their mind) she seemed drugged, was tearful, very confused and agitated.
I raised these concerns with the ward and other concerns which I won’t go into here.
I knew that a hospital stay would have a detrimental affect on her but did not expect to see her so much worse in such a short time and not being treated with dignity or respect.
The social worker saw mum on the 27/10/20 and she said she had concerns, said mum was worse since admittance, increase in confusion, tearful, restless, busy environment, no treatment for anxiety, she raised these concerns with the ward.

Right, so there is nothing they can see to say why she acted the way she did. (I think she could have been in pain, pancreatic lesion, old hernia or constipated.)
Yet they want to keep her in longer and continue the assessment but under Sec 3 which is up to 6 months detention. I can see no reason why this is necessary and it’s clear the hospital environment is having a detrimental effect. If I object to the Sec 3 they will apply for an order to displace me, meaning I won’t have any say in what happens to her.

And now she has coronavirus, it’s an absolute nightmare.

So different to what is happening to your dad.
 
Last edited:

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
2,044
Hi @Wildflowerlady, things really are really getting tricky aren't they. I think if you find your dad on the floor during a visit maybe call 11 rather than try and get him up. Let's hope all the different agencies get their acts together and your father is moved to a care home soon.
My mother wasn't happy at home, and she too had total meltdowns that she didn't clearly remember afterwards. Of course when she went into care she spent a lot of time at first going on about how happy she'd been at home. I was, and still am sad that nothing seems to make her truly happy for long anymore, but glad that I know she is safe and looked after.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
1,277
Southampton
wildflowerlady please dont pick your dad up, your back will suffer better if he cant get up, call for paramedics to get him up. its very easy to think wont take a minute but i know i cant get my husband up and have to be strict on myself otherwise my back wont forgive me and it will be harder to care for him.
 

Wildflowerlady

Registered User
Sep 30, 2019
277
Still not aware of what will happen to dad seems like everyone is still passing the buck. Crisis Team called me last night and now saying that it is between ASC and our Local Neighbourhood Team that deals with the elderly mental health to sort out what will happen. I called ASC today to see if they are any further in dealing with the fact care will cease from dads current care provider. The fact dad didn't want to go into care a month ago is still going to create a problem when they decide what they can do next from what I was told today. So now three weeks left of dads current carers in which time they have to come up with something to replace dads 4 x daily care visits.
Dads temperament is not any better he shouted at his carer last night and again this morning and I have a horrible feeling he may cracked another TV but was difficult to check properly as he was watching it. I could feel a line in the screen and see it when the programme was on someone's face. Sister is really starting to 'blame' carers now but its not their fault they can't all be bad can they apart from which I've seen first hand he can be stroppy with ones he can get on with on other occasions.