I do understand how you feel. My husband had been working a couple of years (one morning per week) at a local charity shop and I was dreading when the day would come when he would be told his services were no longer required. I had visions of him continuing to turn up there each week because he'd forgotten that he was no longer needed there.
As it turned out, circumstances intervened and the shop ended up closing for good last September, just at the time when we felt my husband had reached the point where he needed to leave - before he was pushed!
It all worked out for the best in our case - and he received a lovely letter from the charity's head office telling him how much his voluntary work had been appreciated.
Perhaps you could have a with the manager of the shop your husband has been working at to see if they (or head office) would be kind enough to thank your husband for his contribution in writing? It certainly helped my husband feel good about himself.
Moving forward, I wonder if you have an Age UK in your area which runs a Men in Sheds project? My husband attends one of these and thoroughly enjoys his time there. It isn't aimed at people with dementia, it is aimed at men over 55 of all different abilities - people who just want to get out of the house for a bit, socialise, potter, have a bit of banter etc. Some have illnesses, at least one other has dementia like my husband, some are just retired and bored and others are lonely.
In our area there are 2 Men in Sheds projects - one where they can work together on an allotment and one where they are in a workshop making / restoring things. My husband does the latter. Due to his dementia I filled in a form stating that he was ok to use manual tools but not electric tools.
He now spends his time there stripping / sanding down furniture, preparing it for varnishing or painting - and it is then sold in a charity shop - so he feels he is still doing his bit for charity and achieving something worthwhile. He also enjoys the camararderie there.
Had he gone for the allotment project, the produce would have been sent to local care homes for the residents to benefit from - so again, it would have been something worthwhile.
Also, it might also be worth seeing what other voluntary projects are available. My husband is currently obsessed with picking up litter off the street and bringing it home to dispose of in the rubbish. The Council has recently started looking for voluntary community litter pickers to do just that - they get a litter picker, hi vis vest, bags and some basic safety advice. The volunteers do what they can in their own time (no obligation or set hours) and concentrate on the area near to their homes. My husband still has an understanding of dangers around broken glass and crossing the roads etc so at this time it is something he might be suited to. Depending on what your husband's understanding is, perhaps there is something similar in your area? With all the government cutbacks in funding to local authorities, the councils are looking to use community volunteers more and more.
Another thing we are starting this year is the occasional trip to see the cricket. Travel is a problem for my husband but one friend occasionally drives to see a game and has said he will take my husband door to door when he does so. Another friend will be making arrangements to take him by train. The plan is that I will get my husband to the station and hand him over to his friend, who will then take him the rest of the way to the game and watch it with him. Then, later I will meet them at the train station and bring him home again. It will all require fine planning but it will give me several hours of freedom while my husband thoroughly enjoys watching the game!
Maybe your husband has a similar interest in a sport or activity that a friend also enjoys and would be able to accommodate him in?
Have you checked out what Alzheimer's Society does in your area? Where we live my husband is able to attend a group for those whose level of dementia is still at a stage where they can join in activities under their own steam without the need for constant attention. My husband has been attending this alone for a year now. Although his abilities have declined in that time, he is still independent enough to benefit from the group for now.
Finally, maybe there is something the local church runs? I haven't gone down this track myself yet but it is an idea I have put on the back burner for future reference. I know a lot of churches hold groups for people in the community of all different abilities - social, singing, painting etc. Also, if he got involved in something like that, they might well find him little tasks he could do - like helping to clear tables at social gatherings, collecting tickets at the door, handing out song sheets etc.
I am just waffling I know - but lots of little opportunities to get involved could pop up by taking that initial step. My husband is not a churchy person but he does like to help others, so I think this might be an avenue for him to explore at some point.
Good luck - and I'll keep my fingers crossed that something turns up in your area to benefit you both.
Lynne xx
