Nothing to do with Alzheimer's, but bad news on top of everything :(

[Graybiker]

If this is in the wrong place, my apologies and someone plaease move it.
Mam went into a home 10 days ago. Not great and struggling to support her and dad.
I have an older brother that has lived abroad for 30 years. He married a lovely lady there and they have 3 children.
My brother face-times me last night, he'd been looking for one of his wifes brothers. Long history of mental illness and was missing for hours. Unfrtunately his body was found this morning, along with a note.
I can't claim to know him well, met him a few times, but this has really hit me.
I'm obviously concerned about my sister in law, her father, and my brother's children. He lived in his father's house, next door to my brother's.
Anyway, just wanted to get it out. Hard to take on top of everything else
Thanks xx
.

 

[karaokePete]

As if you needed life to throw yet another curve ball your way. Try to take care of yourself - I know that's easily said, but it's not meant in a shallow way.

 

[LadyA]

I'm so sorry to hear this. Another burden of sadness, when you could have done without it.

 

[Graybiker]

As if you needed life to throw yet another curve ball your way. Try to take care of yourself - I know that's easily said, but it's not meant in a shallow way.

Thanks Pete,
Yeah, it's hard to take on top of everything else. Just so sad and I know my brother is struggling, he will be making all arrangements etc.
Taking care of myself has been a low priorityfor 20 years since my daughter was born, who has a persomality disorder and lots of other problems.
Anyway, thanks, I take your sentiments as they are meant xx

 

[Graybiker]

I'm so sorry to hear this. Another burden of sadness, when you could have done without it.

Thanks LadyA,
Yes, very, very sad.
Unfortunately I can't go and help as passport has expired and can't afford a new one.
Just all too much at once
Xx

 

[Amethyst59]

If this is in the wrong place, my apologies and someone plaease move it.
Mam went into a home 10 days ago. Not great and struggling to support her and dad.
I have an older brother that has lived abroad for 30 years. He married a lovely lady there and they have 3 children.
My brother face-times me last night, he'd been looking for one of his wifes brothers. Long history of mental illness and was missing for hours. Unfrtunately his body was found this morning, along with a note.
I can't claim to know him well, met him a few times, but this has really hit me.
I'm obviously concerned about my sister in law, her father, and my brother's children. He lived in his father's house, next door to my brother's.
Anyway, just wanted to get it out. Hard to take on top of everything else
Thanks xx
.

I am sorry to hear this. Being under a strain makes even tiny things going wrong too much to cope with. But this is a major thing. I am so glad you have face time, so even though you cannot visit, you can still get, and give, support to your family. Our thoughts are with you...and this is not empty sentiment...people really do care, on this site....and I know that I find it a comfort to share things here, and know that people are listening. I trust you feel that comfort too.

 

[mab]

So sorry to hear of this devastating news for all the family. Sudden death such as this leaves so many unanswerable questions and the impact on those left behind can be immense.
Whilst you support your brother and his family don't overlook yourself. Talk on here as much as you need. Let out your feelings knowing that folks do care. I would suggest you also give Samaritans a call. It's a Freephone number 116 123 and they are there 24/7 to support anyone in emotional crisis, especially in these tragic circumstances.
My condolences to you Graybiker. x

 

[Graybiker]

I am sorry to hear this. Being under a strain makes even tiny things going wrong too much to cope with. But this is a major thing. I am so glad you have face time, so even though you cannot visit, you can still get, and give, support to your family. Our thoughts are with you...and this is not empty sentiment...people really do care, on this site....and I know that I find it a comfort to share things here, and know that people are listening. I trust you feel that comfort too.

Thank you so much Amethyst,
It felt better just getting it out, people are very kind.
Face time is brilliant when trying to keep in touch, don't know how we managed before.
Xx

 

[Graybiker]

So sorry to hear of this devastating news for all the family. Sudden death such as this leaves so many unanswerable questions and the impact on those left behind can be immense.
Whilst you support your brother and his family don't overlook yourself. Talk on here as much as you need. Let out your feelings knowing that folks do care. I would suggest you also give Samaritans a call. It's a Freephone number 116 123 and they are there 24/7 to support anyone in emotional crisis, especially in these tragic circumstances.
My condolences to you Graybiker. x

Thank you mab,
Indeed it is a terrible time for his immediate family.
I have made a note of the Samaritans number, just in case.
Thanks again for your kind reply
Xx

 

[Graybiker]

Update:
It was the funeral on Friday, brother really struggled.
He was the one who went looking for his brother-in-law, says he knew what had happened because he never leaves the house. He even walked to the local bridge in case he had jumped off it. He had 't, but knows now that he was within 2 feet of his body. I'm just glad he didn't find him.
He also was the one who checked his room, found his diary, open on a desk. He took it as he didn't want b-i-l's siblings ( his wife in particular), or father to read it, extremely disturbing.
Brother's dd has recently started seeing a psych for general anxiety. Brother made an appt with psych to update her re recent events. Thankfully he also took some advice himself and has further appts.
Having suffered from ptsd myself, I can see many warning signs. He does however seem to be aware, has taken some time off work and is talking.
Horrible time for them all compounded by arguments over his will and some strange behaviour from a s-i-l who is aligned to a weird pseudo-Christian cult.

Mam is doing ok in the home, looks very well, rested and relaxed, though was advised today that she is haranguing carers when other residents want attention. They acknowledge it comes from a good place, she cares, and have asked for suggestions to distract ie hobbies, interests etc.
Dad is struggling, hates living alone and is looking to me to help fill his time. Meanwhile my dd, who has problems of her own, is complaining that I'm not giving her enough attention.

Anyway, don't know if I posted this here by mistake or if it's been moved, apologies again, nothing to do with mam's Alzheimer's really, just needed a rant.
Xx

 

[LadyA]

Thanks for the update, @Graybiker . I'm sorry it's such a dreadfully stressful and sad time for your family. I sometimes think we take our health, both physical and mental, too much for granted.

 

[Graybiker]

Thanks for the update, @Graybiker . I'm sorry it's such a dreadfully stressful and sad time for your family. I sometimes think we take our health, both physical and mental, too much for granted.

Absolutely we do LadyA.
Lots of self recriminations in the family re b-i-l, but had been very ill for a long time and refused any help.
But it has shown my brother's family the importance of self-care and early intervention, a lesson to us all.
As carers our own mental and physical well-being should be of prime importance. Don't wait until there's a crisis, get help.
We all need help sometimes, no shame asking for it
Xx