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Not wanting to accept help

Felixcat1

Registered User
Feb 23, 2021
94
0
I’m feeling quite anxious about going to my dad’s tomorrow. After the social worker referred us to OT I have agreed for an extra rail for the stairs and a commode. Ross care are coming tomorrow to fit the extra rail but I haven’t told him yet because he last time I mentioned it he said he didn’t need an extra rail because he can walk down the stairs backwards! I am worried that he might refuse to have it fitted. When the social worker visited he also agreed to have a pendant alarm but has also since said that he wasn’t there and he should have said no to everything. His sister recently has had a stroke and when we went to visit her he told her that she should have had one. When I reminded him of this he replied that it wasn’t the same. Is there anything that can be done if he refuses to have the rail fitted? Has anyone experienced anything similar? My sister and I have POA for financial and health and welfare but nobody has or seems to be able to say that he lacks capacity. The consultant said that SS would make that decision but the SW said that wasn’t part of his job. My dad has vascular dementia so he has good days and bad days.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
74,357
0
Kent
Hello @Felixcat1

Perhaps your dad won`t be as assertive with Social Services as he is with you. My husband and mother were more polite to what they saw as `authority` than they were with me.
 

RosettaT

Registered User
Sep 9, 2018
618
0
Mid Lincs
I found with my mother, that in the end I stopped asking and blamed the doctor :cool: for everything, (which to be fair wasn't a problem because she would never challenge authority.)
The doctors says etc.... which she accepted with no problem. Before that it was always I can manage, I don't want my walls damaging, I'm not having strangers in, etc.

You can only try your best.
 

Buskitten

Registered User
Dec 10, 2018
132
0
Hi, same as Grannie G and Rosetta - my mother is more compliant with ‘official’ people; she can be a nightmare with me......

Mum was also crawling down stairs backwards 😬 etc horrifying isn’t it and so hard when they won’t accept help.
I hope it all goes ok with your dad x
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
6,253
0
Southampton
we had a second rail fitted after OT thought it would be a good idea and emphasized that it was for me[ im disabled] but he uses and finds it useful. like others have said, say anything that he will understand and blame any of the agencies, OT, SW, doctor. my nan was like your dad with the careline, we set it up as she had fallen in the garden and was on her own. we had it installed and the next day she had it uninstalled
 

Bod

Registered User
Aug 30, 2013
1,423
0
I’m feeling quite anxious about going to my dad’s tomorrow. After the social worker referred us to OT I have agreed for an extra rail for the stairs and a commode. Ross care are coming tomorrow to fit the extra rail but I haven’t told him yet because he last time I mentioned it he said he didn’t need an extra rail because he can walk down the stairs backwards! I am worried that he might refuse to have it fitted. When the social worker visited he also agreed to have a pendant alarm but has also since said that he wasn’t there and he should have said no to everything. His sister recently has had a stroke and when we went to visit her he told her that she should have had one. When I reminded him of this he replied that it wasn’t the same. Is there anything that can be done if he refuses to have the rail fitted? Has anyone experienced anything similar? My sister and I have POA for financial and health and welfare but nobody has or seems to be able to say that he lacks capacity. The consultant said that SS would make that decision but the SW said that wasn’t part of his job. My dad has vascular dementia so he has good days and bad days.
Go out for coffee/beer 10 minutes before Ross care are due to arrive.
Just make sure they can get in to do the work!
On return, blame it on the Pixies....
Or "It's Doctors orders"

Bod.
 

Felixcat1

Registered User
Feb 23, 2021
94
0
Thank you to everyone for all your words of support and on advice of things that I could use to persuade him to accept more help. When I arrived, he told me to cancel the stair rail but I just ignored him and changed the subject, which he seemed to accept. In the end we were both upstairs when guy from Rosscare arrived. (Dad had managed to pull down the curtains in his bedroom and said his blinds were broken. He hadn’t done any of this of course. There was absolutely nothing wrong with the blinds which baffled him.) Anyway, he was watching me fix the curtains. He follows me everywhere now. Dad didn’t even come down stairs when the rail was being fitted and when I had finished fixing the curtains he used the extra rail naturally as if it had always been there. When he got to the bottom of the stairs, I told him that he’d used the new rail like it had always been there and he seemed oblivious that he has just used it naturally.
The guy from Ross Care was brilliant. He was in and out in about 15 minutes and there was no mess to tidy up afterwards. You wouldn’t have known that he had even been in the house.
the next thing to organise a pendant alarm so fingers crossed that goes just as smoothly. Thanks again everyone xx
 

Felixcat1

Registered User
Feb 23, 2021
94
0
Go out for coffee/beer 10 minutes before Ross care are due to arrive.
Just make sure they can get in to do the work!
On return, blame it on the Pixies....
Or "It's Doctors orders"

Bod.
Thank you 😊
 

Felixcat1

Registered User
Feb 23, 2021
94
0
we had a second rail fitted after OT thought it would be a good idea and emphasized that it was for me[ im disabled] but he uses and finds it useful. like others have said, say anything that he will understand and blame any of the agencies, OT, SW, doctor. my nan was like your dad with the careline, we set it up as she had fallen in the garden and was on her own. we had it installed and the next day she had it uninstalled
Thank you 😊
 

Felixcat1

Registered User
Feb 23, 2021
94
0
T
Hi, same as Grannie G and Rosetta - my mother is more compliant with ‘official’ people; she can be a nightmare with me......

Mum was also crawling down stairs backwards 😬 etc horrifying isn’t it and so hard when they won’t accept help.
I hope it all goes ok with your dad x
Thank you 😊
 

Felixcat1

Registered User
Feb 23, 2021
94
0
I found with my mother, that in the end I stopped asking and blamed the doctor :cool: for everything, (which to be fair wasn't a problem because she would never challenge authority.)
The doctors says etc.... which she accepted with no problem. Before that it was always I can manage, I don't want my walls damaging, I'm not having strangers in, etc.

You can only try your best.
Thank you 😊
 

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