87 year old mother with early stage dementia living in her own home. I’ve always had an awful relationship with Mother. She’s definitely had some sort of undiagnosed personality disorder - most likely NPD. She’s been quite vile to me (only child) over the years and has always resorted to emotional blackmail to get her own way. To the outside world she’s charming but myself, my husband and my children have seen the real person underneath. I live two hours away and have put quite a few things in place; carers for medication, shopping delivered, hairdresser, gardener. All of which, she’s been totally ungrateful for and regularly kicks off to me about them - how useless they are, how unreliable they are etc etc. I’m pretty used to it as she’s always displayed contrary and confrontational behaviour. Yesterday, my husband, myself and my adult son visited, partly because neighbours had contacted me concerned about her general welfare and because I needed to top up her pill supply. She HAS deteriorated- lost a lot of weight, complaining of severe pain in both hips and has a yellow tinge to her skin. The boys went off to get some fish and chips and I said I would stay and chat to her. I expressed gentle concern and that I thought she might benefit from a visit from her GP just to check her over. She turned on me like something you seen in a horror movie - absolutely in my face with demented eyes. She accused me of being after her money (I have an LPA and could have cleaned her out already if I was that way inclined) Told me my (much loved by me) late father would be disgusted to see how appallingly I treat her, that she hoped I would walk out in the road and get hit by a car, that I didn’t deserve to have such a lovely husband and son, that she was going to call the police on me. I’d made her a cup of tea and given her an iced bun. She said she wouldn't have been surprised if I’d put arsenic in the drink and put s**t on the bun. I had to walk out of the room because I was torn between being so hurt and bursting into tears or turning on her in fury. When I returned, the verbal attack continued. I’m afraid I told her that she needed to be careful as I was the only thing between her and a care home and if I walked away, she wouldn’t be able to last 5 minutes, plus a few things about what an awful mother she had been. I feel so guilty now I’ve calmed down and bitterly regret my outburst. When the men returned and saw me so upset, she denied having said any of those things and that I “must be mental!” This is not the first time she has been so vile but despite the dementia, she seems to have the control not to display these characteristics in front of third parties and promptly started sobbing , telling my husband that she’d done nothing wrong and that until I’d arrived, she was perfectly happy and that Tuesday was the worst day of her life, because of me. I now feel so useless that I really am tempted to walk away. Her doctor visited at my request today and Mother has told her that there is absolutely nothing wrong so, apart from a blood test, everything seems to be staying the same. She seems to have convinced the GP that I’ve overreacted and my call was unnecessary. If I withdraw everything I’ve put in place, things will definitely come to a crisis point very quickly. I’m at the stage when I need her to go into care for MY sanity. I’m almost hoping the blood tests will show something up so that some else can share the burden of her care and a decision can be made about the future. Is that a really wicked, evil thing to even think?