my Mam was diagnosed with dementia last year and refuses to believe that other than her heart condition and she has rheumatoid Arthritis she has nothing wrong with her. She drinks more than she should and has a big thing about pain killers she takes to many. Last week we found out that she had gone over drawn at the bank we think between my oldest sister and I we have sorted it for now any way but getting through to her that her money is not an endless pit is another matter she looks like she is ok but then she produces a list of things she is going to buy. Social Services are sure she can still make decisions but I strongly disagree she would argue black is white given have a chance. Yes she knows she has to eat yes she knows who we are, to get washed and dressed but she will under no circumstances have any outsider come in and help. She does not need the full 24/7 but she needs something I leave over 300 miles away along with one of my sisters my oldest sister lives round the corner but she is due to go into hospital shortly and will be out of action for 4 - 6 months. If I go down I could lose everything my Job and then my home and in this climate I can not afford to do that. But my sister will come to a point were she can not help either and social service do not seem to get this at all. For me currently out system of care for those suffering with and those caring for people with dementia stinks they have a lot to learn. We feel that SW just think we are telling lies about how things are it looks to us like she will have to hurt herself or someone else before they will do anything positive. I am sorry for going on so long, this all may not make any sense to you all but it does help just to write it down being so far away does not help and at times although I have my sisters to talk to I can feel so very alone and frustrated Wednesdays more than other days as I always ring my Mam on Wednesday and I have gone from looking forward to calling to really not wanted to and feeling like a very bad person. Anyway that's my moan over with thanks for reading Jayne x x
Not sure which way to turn next
- Thread starter Jayne Boddy
- Start date
I could've written some of that 
It's my nan who is suffering, but she thinks she's OK. It's very frustrating and resultied in me being very upset last week and luckily finding this place.
I don't think there are any quick answers. My nan agreed to help am and pm, but only because she was in hospital and we weren't happy for her to go home without help. She has since refused more help and her SW also says she must listen to nan's wishes
I agree that she has an opinion, but it's not reall a very balanced one as she thinks she's OK and isn't, so on that front i can totally understand.
I don't know what we're to do in such circumstances. It seems that we must watch and wait for a crisis before help ca be given and action taken
I hope things get sorted for yo and your mum soon
It's my nan who is suffering, but she thinks she's OK. It's very frustrating and resultied in me being very upset last week and luckily finding this place.
I don't think there are any quick answers. My nan agreed to help am and pm, but only because she was in hospital and we weren't happy for her to go home without help. She has since refused more help and her SW also says she must listen to nan's wishes
I agree that she has an opinion, but it's not reall a very balanced one as she thinks she's OK and isn't, so on that front i can totally understand.
I don't know what we're to do in such circumstances. It seems that we must watch and wait for a crisis before help ca be given and action taken
I hope things get sorted for yo and your mum soon
Dear Jayne,
Could your sister, who lives closer, keep a diary of any odd behaviour of your mums? Note down when she goes overdrawn at the bank, when she drinks too much or takes too many pills and anything else which may help prove that she may harm herself in any way. While she is out of action could you help with care by using annual leave for a short time? It would also be worth checking with work to see if there is any compassionate leave to help with your mum's care. Obviously you don't want to lose your job or home, and I'm sure your mum and sister wouldn't want that either, but maybe there's a compromise between moving down for too long and not visiting at all.
Once you have some evidence, and make sure it's objective and dated, you have a better chance of convincing SS that you need some help.
I don't know what their criteria is for assisting with care so I can't help you there, but I do know that being a danger to self or others forms part of it. What constitutes being danger to self is again open to interpretation. Drinking too much on its own may not qualify, but coupled with taking too many pills may be.
Sorry I can't offer any more advice, but good luck to all of you
Vonny x
Could your sister, who lives closer, keep a diary of any odd behaviour of your mums? Note down when she goes overdrawn at the bank, when she drinks too much or takes too many pills and anything else which may help prove that she may harm herself in any way. While she is out of action could you help with care by using annual leave for a short time? It would also be worth checking with work to see if there is any compassionate leave to help with your mum's care. Obviously you don't want to lose your job or home, and I'm sure your mum and sister wouldn't want that either, but maybe there's a compromise between moving down for too long and not visiting at all.
Once you have some evidence, and make sure it's objective and dated, you have a better chance of convincing SS that you need some help.
I don't know what their criteria is for assisting with care so I can't help you there, but I do know that being a danger to self or others forms part of it. What constitutes being danger to self is again open to interpretation. Drinking too much on its own may not qualify, but coupled with taking too many pills may be.
Sorry I can't offer any more advice, but good luck to all of you
Vonny x
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Jayne
So sorry to hear you are having such a struggle.
Does the area in which your mother lives have a local branch of the Alzheimer's Society? If so they are very good as a starting point for help and advice. In my area we have out reach support workers from the society who visit people in their home and can help with negotiations with social services.
Also it may be worth contacting the Community Mental Health Team for the area that your mother lives in, a referral to them may be required from your mother's GP. They should have community psychiatric nurses (CPN) who specialise in demntia care who could regularly visit your mother at home and talk through care issues, and try help her to recognise that she does have problems with her memory & understanding with her as well as with your and could also liaise with social services.They may also suggest therapy/medication that may help
Hope that helps?
Good Luck!
love jules
So sorry to hear you are having such a struggle.
Does the area in which your mother lives have a local branch of the Alzheimer's Society? If so they are very good as a starting point for help and advice. In my area we have out reach support workers from the society who visit people in their home and can help with negotiations with social services.
Also it may be worth contacting the Community Mental Health Team for the area that your mother lives in, a referral to them may be required from your mother's GP. They should have community psychiatric nurses (CPN) who specialise in demntia care who could regularly visit your mother at home and talk through care issues, and try help her to recognise that she does have problems with her memory & understanding with her as well as with your and could also liaise with social services.They may also suggest therapy/medication that may help
Hope that helps?
Good Luck!
love jules
Its the MCA
My understanding is that Social services have to follow the mental capicty act, and if a Doctor has not diagnosed that some one is not capable of making their own decisions then they can not take notice of NOK/Carer and the wishes of the servive user has to be obeyed. Prague.
My understanding is that Social services have to follow the mental capicty act, and if a Doctor has not diagnosed that some one is not capable of making their own decisions then they can not take notice of NOK/Carer and the wishes of the servive user has to be obeyed. Prague.
