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Not sure where we're going next

AbbyGee

Registered User
Nov 26, 2018
426
0
Portsmouth, South Coast
After a pretty pleasant day at home yesterday All good.
Today, up , shower, dress, breakfas. All good.
Took both of us on a toddle 'up the road' to Pharmacy, Newsagent and Lidl. All good.
Dropped into local pub on way back. Chatted to some pals. All good.
OH had soda and blackcurrant, I have a couple of lagers. All good.
Came home. BANG! POW! Not good. Not good BIG TIME! Like a switch being flipped he went into manic overdrive. Unpleasant, aggressive, trying to break out, damaging stuff, grabbing a tea towel plus some of my books and - of all things - the whatname from the sink - the grid the bowl sits in. No letting go. No making sense. No nothing but wildness and scary behaviour.
My flippety heart thing started kicking off. I couldn't cope.
Ended up with Police and Ambulance (Ambos for me as much as anything as I was in deep chesty discomfort) but avoided OH being taken anywhere. Ambos couldn't get a wee sample from him but he eventually calmed enough for them to leave.
Looks like Social Services may become involved.
What? When? Where? Why? How?
Have managed, after much cajoling, to get him in PJs and into bed. Unsure how long he'll stay there. I don't want to be near him or my mouth will run off with words I may regret. I know I will have to go there soon so he can do the night time bathroom visits in safety but right at this minute I feel like I'd leave and not come back without a moment's hesitation.

OK - rant over. Time for a nice cup of decaff tea, eh?
 

Mariane

Registered User
Jul 27, 2021
20
0
After a pretty pleasant day at home yesterday All good.
Today, up , shower, dress, breakfas. All good.
Took both of us on a toddle 'up the road' to Pharmacy, Newsagent and Lidl. All good.
Dropped into local pub on way back. Chatted to some pals. All good.
OH had soda and blackcurrant, I have a couple of lagers. All good.
Came home. BANG! POW! Not good. Not good BIG TIME! Like a switch being flipped he went into manic overdrive. Unpleasant, aggressive, trying to break out, damaging stuff, grabbing a tea towel plus some of my books and - of all things - the whatname from the sink - the grid the bowl sits in. No letting go. No making sense. No nothing but wildness and scary behaviour.
My flippety heart thing started kicking off. I couldn't cope.
Ended up with Police and Ambulance (Ambos for me as much as anything as I was in deep chesty discomfort) but avoided OH being taken anywhere. Ambos couldn't get a wee sample from him but he eventually calmed enough for them to leave.
Looks like Social Services may become involved.
What? When? Where? Why? How?
Have managed, after much cajoling, to get him in PJs and into bed. Unsure how long he'll stay there. I don't want to be near him or my mouth will run off with words I may regret. I know I will have to go there soon so he can do the night time bathroom visits in safety but right at this minute I feel like I'd leave and not come back without a moment's hesitation.

OK - rant over. Time for a nice cup of decaff tea, eh?
Rant is over but I’m sure not your fright and worry. Upsets like yours take their toll each and every time and I think fright and helplessness are the worst. If this was the first sudden behavior change or just one of several others then you know sort of that things will be reasonably ok tomorrow.. if this is a recurring nasty surprise then I hope you will be able to find professional guidance before you or he gets hurt. I’ve yet to see a lightening change that you describe In my husband but i feel it coming around the corner. You will get through it because we have to, until the crisis comes that will bring separation. You are in my thoughts now and I hope you will be ok tonite.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
16,130
0
South coast
Oh dear. It sounds like he went into host mode while you were out and came back exhausted and confused. Still scary, though.

You may have to cut back on the social interactions until you find the level that he can cope with. OH can only cope with 2small shops now. He cannot cope with a supermarket,nor can he cope with socialising with friends outside of the home. Recently we were both invited to a barbeque, but I didn't tell him about it and I made an excuse and went by myself. It sounds aweful, but although he would have loved the idea, I knew he just wouldn't be able to cope afterwards. There is no way that he would be able to cope with a couple of small shops, on to supermarket and then drop into a pub for a chat with friends. He too would seem to be OK at the time, but oh boy would we pay for it afterwards - it would take him two or three days to recover. Unfortunately he now very rarely goes out, but he is at least calm and less confused.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
3,912
0
My mother could turn on a sixpence too. It reminded me of the sort of brain glitches my son had when he was a toddler, had had an exciting day and was too tired to sleep.
Hopefully a few days of usual routine will get things back to 'normal', but I'd keep a phone on you and have a lockable room to go to if it happens again. Calling the ambulance and police was the right thing, and hopefully social services will now be aware and from there you can decide what you want to do next. It does sound like a move into care may not be far off.
 

duchess55

Registered User
Sep 1, 2021
36
0
I have behaviour changes like this with my husband. They can come completely out with of the blue and can happen once a week or even more.

Sometimes they are very scary.

I am still waiting for an appointment with the elderly persons mental health team.
 

AbbyGee

Registered User
Nov 26, 2018
426
0
Portsmouth, South Coast
@canary Yesterday was the first social visit we've had anywhere in three weeks. Oh boy - do I miss conversation!
Whilst shopping earlier he waited outside the shops (sat comfortably on his rollator seat) watching the world go by and I did the dash round for a couple of bits and bobs.
He slept the night through - that's a first for a very long time.
Spoke with my lovely lady at the Carers Centre this morning - they'd been contacted by either the rozzers or the ambos so at least no new people getting involved.
Should be getting a second sitting service starting 1st October so we'll see how he gets on with two visits a week.
 

Little moth

Registered User
Jul 18, 2014
108
0
How on earth do you describe the emotions of your first time of husband hating you, wanting to go out visiting late at night and going, calling the police ..... I had a phone call from SIL, he had walked there......he has Parkinson's and struggles to walk, it was a long walk across a main road.
The fallout was horrendous, how dare I call the police. More scary events. This morning he got up early to see his sister, another long walk and very busy roads. I managed to distract him with breakfast and drinks etc and he suddenly said are you my wife. I was shaking, this is playing with my mind, he hasn't known me for a while.
He is in bed now, I'm so nervous, will he still know me, what about the sundowning.
Because he has had trouble with some medications a new prescription will be done.
 

Little moth

Registered User
Jul 18, 2014
108
0
Hugs gratefully received. That precious time when he knew me, ..........but that didn't last.......I am with an agency....I am entertainments officer... cards, scrabble, Yesterday morning he was so nasty, messed up the wifi, phone and computer not working.
I noticed that his electric toothbrush was missing, he had put it in with his socks so that I wouldn't use it.
Sorry, I feel drained, was it worth having a small window of him being so caring towards me then having it cruelly snatched away........No, I don't think so.
 

AbbyGee

Registered User
Nov 26, 2018
426
0
Portsmouth, South Coast
I can deal better with antagonistic feelings towards me than the 'who are you' stuff. But that's just a selfish point of view. I'm going to turn it back and think 'who are YOU?'. Not my love, my friend, my pal, my husband, my buddy. I *do* care but now only in the way that one would care about a dear pet.
I've never had any kids - by choice. Now I've got one I don't like. 'You' are now my man-child. An oversized four year old.
I feel so dead inside but that means not much can hurt me anymore. Just get on with the daily stuff. Do it. Forget hopes and dreams and fun and love and laughter. That's all gone. Keep plodding on.
 

Vitesse

Registered User
Oct 26, 2016
260
0
Sorry to hear of your problems. From bitter experience, I know how you feel. I had the same thing from my husband for months and I used to tell the doctors that one man could go into the bathroom, and a different man would come out. It was turning a light switch on and off. i was advised to just walk away and go into another room, but that wasn’t much of a solution. In the end he was prescribed various medications, mainly Risperidone, but also Mirtazipine. The latter worked well, but he had to come off it because of side effects. The Risperidone was given on an as and when basis. It seemed to work but there are also side effects to that too. It’s the lesser of two evils.
please contact your doctors and explain the situation,
 

JaxG

Registered User
May 15, 2021
36
0
I can deal better with antagonistic feelings towards me than the 'who are you' stuff. But that's just a selfish point of view. I'm going to turn it back and think 'who are YOU?'. Not my love, my friend, my pal, my husband, my buddy. I *do* care but now only in the way that one would care about a dear pet.
I've never had any kids - by choice. Now I've got one I don't like. 'You' are now my man-child. An oversized four year old.
I feel so dead inside but that means not much can hurt me anymore. Just get on with the daily stuff. Do it. Forget hopes and dreams and fun and love and laughter. That's all gone. Keep plodding on.
Hi AbbyGee, I feel the same as you. my husband is a 72 year old angry toddler. The behaviour changes started long before the diagnosis, blaming me when he couldn't do things, 3 hour rants when things didn't go his way. The other day he grabbed me and threw me to the floor and he has no idea this is wrong. I lost the person he was years ago nad now i, too, just 'care' in the practical sense but no more. It's so tough and the realisation that this has taken my life too.
 

lindabubble

New member
Sep 6, 2021
9
0
Hi AbbyGee, I feel the same as you. my husband is a 72 year old angry toddler. The behaviour changes started long before the diagnosis, blaming me when he couldn't do things, 3 hour rants when things didn't go his way. The other day he grabbed me and threw me to the floor and he has no idea this is wrong. I lost the person he was years ago nad now i, too, just 'care' in the practical sense but no more. It's so tough and the realisation that this has taken my life too.
Hi I am new to this forum but reading all the messages makes me realise I am not the only one dealing with this. It breaks my heart to see my husband going through different emotions, being anxious, following me every where I go then being very tearful because he knows something is wrong with him but does not know what. Getting very agitated and agressive, not knowing who I am or where he is. He has just started mirtazipine for anxiety and I am hoping this will help to calm him down. Sometimes I really feel as if I am sinking in quicksand but I know it would be devastating for him to go into a care home, even for a short period of respite so I carry on. But at least the sun is shining today which puts smile on my face
 

blackmortimer

Registered User
Jan 2, 2021
289
0
Hello @lindabubble and welcome. I used to feel like you about care homes but I would gently suggest you keep an open mind. My wife Margaret is in the latter stages of Lewy body dementia. For more than 5 years I was her sole carer and felt I had to bear the burden because we had always said that neither of us would put the other in a home. However as the symptoms grew more and more difficult I began very slowly to realise that I was getting out of my depth. Then one Sunday morning in June last year it all suddenly came to a head. She became aggressive, violent even and I had to call an ambulance for my own as well as her safety. She ended up being sectined within a day or two and transferred to an adult mental health unit attached to the hospital where they did their best to stabilise her with medication and then when they could do no more and the time came for her to have to move on it was made clear to me that she would have to go into residential nursing care. They simply wouldn't allow her to come home. So thankfully the decision was effectively taken from me; all I and our 2 children had to do was find a suitable home which thankfully we were able to do. In the almost 12 months she has been there I have been amazed by the care and kindness she has received. They have all the right equipment and more than that the right attitude. I can now visit as often as I want even though Margaret has now got to the stage where she doesn't recognise me but she accepts me helping with feeding and drinking so I feel useful. None of this could I do if she were at home even with carers coming in. So, please don't think of a care or nursing home as something to be avoided at all costs. You might, like me, find it a life line. God bless.
 

lindabubble

New member
Sep 6, 2021
9
0
Hello @lindabubble and welcome. I used to feel like you about care homes but I would gently suggest you keep an open mind. My wife Margaret is in the latter stages of Lewy body dementia. For more than 5 years I was her sole carer and felt I had to bear the burden because we had always said that neither of us would put the other in a home. However as the symptoms grew more and more difficult I began very slowly to realise that I was getting out of my depth. Then one Sunday morning in June last year it all suddenly came to a head. She became aggressive, violent even and I had to call an ambulance for my own as well as her safety. She ended up being sectined within a day or two and transferred to an adult mental health unit attached to the hospital where they did their best to stabilise her with medication and then when they could do no more and the time came for her to have to move on it was made clear to me that she would have to go into residential nursing care. They simply wouldn't allow her to come home. So thankfully the decision was effectively taken from me; all I and our 2 children had to do was find a suitable home which thankfully we were able to do. In the almost 12 months she has been there I have been amazed by the care and kindness she has received. They have all the right equipment and more than that the right attitude. I can now visit as often as I want even though Margaret has now got to the stage where she doesn't recognise me but she accepts me helping with feeding and drinking so I feel useful. None of this could I do if she were at home even with carers coming in. So, please don't think of a care or nursing home as something to be avoided at all costs. You might, like me, find it a life line. God bless.
Thank you for your kind words
 

lindabubble

New member
Sep 6, 2021
9
0
I startedmy husband on 15mg mirtazipine lst night to try and calm his anxiety. He did have a better sleeep but today he is very groggy and talking jibberish which I cannot understand. He is really not himself at all and I am wondering whether to continue with the mirtazipine tonight. Has anyone else had any such experiences.Any advice will be appreciated.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
10,953
0
Yorkshire
hi @lindabubble
personally I would always give new meds a chance and monitor how they go ... sometimes it takes the body a while to settle to a new drug
if you have concerns, do have a chat with the GP/consultant